The Chump Lady Survival Guide to Infidelity: How to Regain Your Sanity After You've Been Cheated On

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And the theft is possible only because we’ve been duped into believing this person loves us and is on our team. I really believe he intended to quietly lay schmoopie’s face over all of his family photos and family history and no one would ever notice. A lot of us may have had friends who cheated and we knew at some point and did not end the friendship ASAP.

Her husband took his own life over it and she’s STILL acting like the victim FFS and destroying another marriage.She used the excuse that her husband just didn’t have a lot of testosterone and she had needs and the guy that she was with satisfied those needs. Unless you are absolutely OK with L’s actions (and I would hope that you aren’t), then you need to drop her as a friend.

I behaved with dignity and composure, and was civil to everyone, but I would never willingly be closely involved with any of them again. For what it is worth, suicide prevention charities also suggest that it is better to avoid assigning a single cause to a suicide. If you let this pain crack open your heart and you accept the vulnerability and chaos, you’re going to be a better person for it.

When L told me about the affair I did my best to be supportive, but I saw all the signs of abuse and trauma S was experiencing. These words: ‘L wouldn’t leave because that would mean losing the house they shared and she just didn’t want to do that.

A person in my life was being positively indifferent to an ailing spouse (mid-60s) – spending months away at a second home (the spouse had never seen), depending on neighbors to provide care, and having infrequent checks by others. And then to inflict her dirty secret on somebody she KNEW had suffered through the abuse of infidelity.

As soon as we were legally separated I changed it to my son for the full amount, which wasn’t much as I had only been working for DoD for three years at that point. He needed to see me and hear my story and hear that it was possible to endure that kind of pain and not use/drink himself to death. He was so depressed he knew he was being screwed over by his wife they most likely WERE in an unhealthy codependent relationship and needed HELP.

There are two types of truly terrible people: the ones who are capable of raping someone and the ones who stand by and watch, doing nothing. Then you go have your one-on-one with them to get what you need over there, and never mention it to me. So I believe if you see the BS of someone cheating then that’s not a moral direction I accept and I will say something.

L was gaslighting S to the point of him acting irrational and in her eyes “controlling” (insert eye roll). When you have been chumped and you finally open your eyes to what it does to a person, you can’t unsee it. Objective reality does matter, and it is criminal to participate in a delusion that leads to others being abused. I thought of driving the car somewhere and shooting myself in the car but a woman who owned a local restaurant by us actually did that and they didn’t find her for a month in the summertime in Las Vegas and it was horrifying when they did.