He's Just Not That Into You: Greg Behrendt & Liz Tuccillo: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys

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Our Super-Good Really Helpful Workbook List all the things you want or have ever wanted in a man. We’ll give you five lines. We’ll wait…. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Now look at your list. Did “married” or “emotionally unavailable” make that list? Yeah, we didn’t think so. You’re far too classy and smart for that.

Table of Contents Introduction by Liz ............................................................................................................................................................................................ 4 Introduction by Greg ......................................................................................................................................................................................... 4 You Are All Dating the Same Guy.................................................................................................................................................................... 5 1. He’s Just Not That Into You - If He’s Not Asking You Out ..................................................................................................................... 6 2. He’s Just Not That Into You - If He’s Not Calling You .......................................................................................................................... 10 3. He’s Just Not That Into You - If He’s Not Dating You ........................................................................................................................... 13 4. He’s Just Not That Into You - If He’s Not Having Sex with You .......................................................................................................... 16 5. He’s Just Not That Into You - If He’s Having Sex with Someone Else................................................................................................ 19 6 .He’s Just Not That Into You - If He Only Wants to See You When He’s Drunk ................................................................................. 22 7. He’s Just Not That Into You - If He Doesn’t Want to Marry You......................................................................................................... 24 8. He’s Just Not That Into You - If He’s Breaking Up with You ............................................................................................................... 28 9. He’s Just Not That Into You - If He’s Disappeared on You .................................................................................................................. 31 10. He’s Just Not That Into You - If He’s Married (and Other Insane Variations of Being Unavailable) ........................................... 34 11. He’s Just Not That Into You - If He’s a Selfish Jerk, a Bully, or a Really Big Freak...................................................................... 37 12. Don’t Listen to These Stories.................................................................................................................................................................. 42 13. Now What Do You Do? .............................................................................................................................................................................. 42 14. Q&A with Greg........................................................................................................................................................................................... 43 15. Closing Remarks from Greg ..................................................................................................................................................................... 44 16. Closing Remarks from Liz ........................................................................................................................................................................ 45 About the Authors............................................................................................................................................................................................ 46

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It’s So Simple Imagine right now that I’m leaping up and down and shaking my fist at the sky. I’m on my knees pleading with you. I’m saying this in a loud voice: “Please, if you can trust one thing I say in this book, let it be this: When it comes to men, deal with us as we are, not how you’d like us to be.” I know it’s an infuriating concept—that men like to chase and you have to let us chase you. I know. It’s insulting. It’s frustrating. It’s unfortunately the truth. My belief is that if you have to be the aggressor, if you have to pursue, if you have to do the asking out, nine times out of ten, he’s just not that into you. (And we want you to believe you’re one of the nine, ladies!) I can’t say it loud enough: You, the superfox reading this book, are worth asking out. It’s So Simple Sadly, I can’t be with you ladies all the time, fending off all the bad excuses, and, thereby, bad men that come your way. But what I can do is paint you a picture of what you’ll never see when you’re with a guy who’s really into you: You’ll never see you staring maniacally at your phone, willing it to ring. You’ll never see you ruining an evening with friends because you’re calling for your messages every fifteen seconds. You’ll never see you hating yourself for calling him when you know you shouldn’t have. What you will see is you being treated so well that no phone antics will be necessary. You’ll be too busy being adored.

Our Super-Good Really Helpful Workbook It’s very easy for us to give advice, and quite honestly, it’s kind of fun. We’ve even learned a little about ourselves in the process. (Well, at least Liz has.) Why don’t you give it a try? It’s fun to feel you know better than other people! - 15 - He’s married. Unless he’s all yours, he’s still hers. There are cool, loving single men in the world. Find one of them to go out with. If a guy is yelling about his ex-wife or crying over his last girlfriend, try to find someone else to take you to the movies. He’s married. Don’t be that girl. You are not easily forgotten. Let him find you when he’s ready. You Are All Dating the Same Guy Hey. I know that guy you’re dating. Yeah, I do. He’s that guy that’s so tired from work, so stressed about the project he’s working on. He’s just been through an awful breakup and it’s really hitting him hard. His parents’ divorce has scarred him and he has trust issues. Right now he has to focus on his career. He can’t get involved with anyone until he knows what his life is about. He just got a new apartment and the move is a bitch. As soon as it all calms down he’ll leave his wife, girlfriend, crappy job. God, he’s so complicated. He is a man made up entirely of your excuses. And the minute you stop making excuses for him, he will completely disappear from your life. Are there men who are too busy or have been through something so horrible that makes it hard for them to get involved? Yes, but there are so few of them that they should be considered urban legends. For as already suggested, a man would rather be trampled by elephants that are on fire than tell you that he’s just not that into you. That’s why we’ve written this book. We wanted to get the excuses out of the closet, so to speak, so they can be seen for exactly what they are: really bad excuses. Hey—do you remember that movie when the girl waited around for the guy to ask her out, then made excuses when he didn’t? Then she slept with him when they were both drunk, and basically just hung around until they were kind of dating? Then he cheated on her, but because she knew deep down inside that if she forgave him and kept her expectations low and was really agreeable that she’d get him in the end? He was drunk at the wedding but they lived miserably ever after in an unsatisfying relationship that was built on a shitty foundation? You don’t? That’s because those movies don’t get made, because that’s not what love is like. People are inspired to do remarkable things to find and be with the one they love. Big movies are made about it, and every relationship you admire bursts with a greatness that you hope for in your own life. And the more you value yourself, the more chance you’ll have of getting it. So read these excuses, have a laugh, and then…put them all to rest. You’re worth it. This is What It Should Look Like, by Liz When I was working with Greg on this book in New York, I noticed that Greg would often call his wife just to tell her that he couldn’t really talk to her right then, but he was thinking of her and would call later. It didn’t look like the most difficult thing in the world, but it sure seemed nice.Fine. Next time I’m in this situation I’ll cry. Stay in bed and wail. Go to the gym if I can. Call all my friends and burden them with my misery. Sleep too much. Cry some more. See my therapist more often. Get a puppy. Do whatever I have to so eventually I can move on. Fine. Have it your way, Greg. I still think my way could work. Greg, I Get It! by Dorrie, Age 32 I was dating a guy I met on a job. We had to spend a lot of time together and it was really romantic getting to know him and working with him. After the job ended, we’d still get together and go on dates and kiss good night. This went on for two months. He would never take it any farther. But in the meantime I met his family, went to big functions with him, made plans with him. It was like we were seriously dating, but without the sex. I knew he hadn’t been in a relationship for a long time, so I thought he was just taking it slow. But then I realized, Greg, after the third month, that he was getting to feel intimate with me without actually being intimate with me. I got up the nerve to ask him if this was how it was going to continue, and he started blubbering and stammering about relationships and how scary they are and whatever. I got out of there and fast, because I realized, no matter how nice he was to me, and how intimate we were pretending to be, he was just not that into me and I wanted more. Greg, I Get It! by Traci, Age 25 Greg, I get it! I had two dates with a guy. On the second date we slept together. He said he would call me the next day (Tuesday) and he didn’t call me until the weekend. When he called, I told him that it was too late. He was stunned, but really, I don’t have time for that shit. It was the first time I had ever done anything like that and it felt great!