This is How Your Marriage Ends: A Hopeful Approach to Saving Relationships

Product Information

Every single person should read this book. It doesn’t matter if you’re married, engaged, in a relationship, or single. This book will teach you about how to actually maintain & help properly nurture any relationship you have with someone, with anyone you care about & love. He makes the bold claim that male behavior is mostly responsible for the divorce crisis and thus men are the key to solving it. Ehhh to quote Billy Madison, "and it takes two to tango...or something like that." Remember I've actually been divorced. And you're a coward if you haven't gone through one. Ok, first of all YES IT IS REPETITIVE. I don’t know if he was just chopping and pasting pieces of blogs or filling space or if he really believes men need to hear the information twenty times before they get it (but what do I know? Maybe they do?), but it repeats itself so much. As he shared raw, uncomfortable and darkly humorous stories about the lessons he'd learned from his failed marriage, Matthew started to gain a following. Then he wrote a post titled "She Divorced Me Because I left the Dishes by the Sink" - it went viral and was read over four million times. The concept that being a good person is not the same as being a good husband was really interesting. It’s easy to assume people judge us based on who we are as people, when all they really care is about how we perform in the context that matters to them. E.g., if you are a good / nice person but incompetent at your job, your coworkers won’t care that you are a good person. What are you doing for them ?

He admitted to many shortcomings and faults that he wasn’t aware of throughout his marriage. Such as always thinking, his feelings and preferences were the correct ones and his wife’s were the wrong ones. (Me). How many of us have heard "well I spoke with my friend about you and she says you are acting like a jerk" I greatly enjoyed the simple yet effective "Invalidation Triple Threat" he referred to throughout the book. This is made up of 3 distinct ways people commonly respond to their partner that invalidates them: judging their thoughts/recollection of events to be wrong, judging their feelings to be wrong, or justifying/defending one's own pain-causing actions. The more these invalidations occur repeatedly (even if over seemingly 'little things' that actually matter a BIG deal to your partner)--safety is eroded over time, and then there is no trust. I wish I knew how to measure this book. I wish I knew how to say just how good or average or bad it is to properly manage the expectations of anyone who might care to read it. A handful of people have read it. They claimed to like it. My editor called it “tremendous,” and promised he wasn’t exaggerating. I hope he meant it.I have been a fan of Matthew Fray's writing for several years now after I found his blog https://mustbethistalltoride.com. His blog has several articles titled " An Open Letter to Shitty Husbands" and I was intrigued because rarely do you read relationship articles written by a male with a sympathetic yet humorous voice. The problem with this approach, as with many of Fray’s pieces of advice to his presumably male audience, is that teaching men to navigate around the feelings of women doesn’t take into account that women are rational beings capable of understanding logic as well as emotion. In this example, Grayson’s wife is so hypothetically blinded by the stinging betrayal of Grayson’s fish sandwich consumption that she cannot grasp any of his reasoning. By advising Grayson to cater to his wife’s feelings, Fray perpetuates the image of Grayson’s wife as irrational and driven by emotion rather than reason. I have really mixed feelings about this book, perhaps because it caused such mixed feelings about my life. I bought the book after stumbling upon the author's article, "She Divorced Me Because I Left Dishes By the Kitchen Sink." I have been on the other side of the dish argument for decades, now, and, impressed that he had given the matter enough thought to begin to see the problem, I was interested in what else he had to say.

About how we serially invalidate the experiences of those we love. About how we defend our character when the real problem is our behavior. About how we fail to love and respect ourselves in healthy ways. About how we fail to know—to REALLY KNOW—the people we claim to love the most. About how we fail to consider them each and every day when we make choices. About how we often don’t notice how lonely and neglected and abandoned a person feels when they’re made to feel so unimportant that we don’t even make it a priority to include them in our everyday decisions. This captivating A-Z compendium by #KateSummerscale explores the world in 99 obsessions - from spiders to clowns to all that will make your skin crawl.P205 I loved my wife. But I didn't RESPECT her individual experiences as being equally valid to mine. Things that were real and true--and often painful--for her didn't affect me...She tried every way she knew how to communicate to me that these issues she was bringing to my attention were important. Each and every time she tried, I made it clear to her how much I disagreed and how certain I was that I was correct...My wife HURT--deep down where the medicine can't fix it--because of things I said and did. And for more than a decade, when she came to me for help to make the hurt stop, I communicated to her that I thought she was mistaken--even wron

This author reminds me so much of Mark Manson. Which is ironic because it's the author's favorite author. So how much of him is he ripping off? That's the real question. In “This Is How Your Marriage Ends,” Matthew Fray argues that marriages end not with a bang but with a whimper. In his debut self-help book, the relationship counselor offers readers insight into how to save their relationships using examples from his own marriage and those of his clients. Unfortunately, the advice he offers fails to consider the female perspective and in fact often infantilizes and vilifies women. One husband's confession you might be tempted to hand to your other half next time he does something infuriating' Basically, this books talks about that men need to be ok with losing their man card and that isn't always a bad thing. The stigma need to change. It's not related to being a beta male. Those guys are chumps. And another thing: a very good person can be a bad husband.Opening in 1963 New York, to Renaissance Florence, to the birth of theatre in fifth-century Athens, and the Sex Pistols shattering Thatcherite Britain - take your seat for the history of performance. I had experienced some attention from large online publications in the past, had been invited on a handful of podcasts and radio shows, been mentioned in a couple of books, and certainly from the viral blog post She Divorced Me Because I Left Dishes by the Sink. But this was different. As a former newspaper reporter, I was like: “Holy shit. The New York Times.”