The Angry Book

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tors. Those that finally come into treatment demonstrate a remarkable memory for every seeming injustice committed against them over a lifetime. Most come into treatment when leakage starts taking place after years and years of saving. An inability to continue to deny anger is felt as terrifying indeed and produces enormous anxiety and depression since it threatens to destroy the entire savings account and the martyred image along with it. Some do not suffer an acute or sudden leak. They manage to save up their anger for twenty years and then slowly leak it out for the next twenty years. When this slow, chronic leakage takes place, it nearly always stems from injustices committed (against the martyred saver) in the past. Savers don't dare deal with present events. This might start an avalanche and a complete flood and inundation. Leakage of the past can bring some relief while the martyred, nonangry, sweet image is still maintained. I remember one woman who sweetly talked about wrongs committed by her husband in the past and how "I always took them" but who invariably managed to end the treatment hour convinced of the sweetness of their relationship—now. Of course she never really had let him know how she felt. Consequently there were many false elements to their relationship—little phony acts, and so Before the new century dawns, George and Ross will be drawn together by a loss greater than their rivalry – and Morwenna and Drake by a tragedy that brings them hope . . . The "You, Kant, Always Get What You Want" joke doesn't have it's second half ("but if you try sometimes you just might find, you get what you Nietzsche") Women’s Anger Management Workbook: A Mindful Guide to De-Escalate Explosive Emotions & Overcome Negative Thinking Hedwig/John Cameron Mitchell's commitment to the play is brutally honest and inspiring. I don't happen to like the play a whole lot, but I can't deny in any way shape or form its artistic integrity.

ual closeness, often takes place with great satisfaction. L e t me say that healthy adult sexual activity requires mutual closeness and trust. ("You really care for me" has meaning, as does "I love you.") Slush-funders are in a very poor position for either closeness or trust. T h e y may not know that they are angry, but they are simply not at ease and are never completely themselves in relation to anyone else. This is especially true of sex, which represents the potential for the greatest closeness of all. Therefore it is not at all surprising that the sexual area becomes a poisoned one and that sexual poisons abound. W h a t about compulsive overworking? Here again there is a boundless variety of psychological dynamics or roots. T h e particularly large slush-funders who are overworkers are very similar to my handball player. They use working as a way of "working off" all feelings, among them anger. I had one patient who was a very wealthy man but a compulsive worker—to the point of eighteen hours a day. It became more and more apparent as time went on that he funneled all his emotions into and through his work. His total outlook was unilateral—work. He came to see me because his wife threatened to leave him. A few interesting things became apparent. There were times when he described No sleep and sleep sleep are two more poisonous, depressed bedfellows. Twisting slush can lead to enormous restlessness, anxiety, a compulsive onslaught of multitudinous thoughts—all impossible conditions for sleeping. Insomnia is very commonly concomitant with depression. It is very difficult to sleep when one is seething with perverted anger. T h e victim is often completely unaware of the anger but complains desperately of agitation that prevents sleep. Some depressed people sleep a great deal of the time. Sleep sleep is largely an attempt to escape the pain of their self-flagellation. I have known chronically depressed patients—unaware that they were attempting to escape life (a heavyhearted, depressed kind of life, as it were) — w h o literally slept two-thirds of the time. to get angry, but sometimes you can't, even though the circumstances are identical. It all depends on my mood—which there is no w a y of knowing." " W h y can't you be like me—I never get angry, but when I do, I don't show it. All I do is get cold and sullen and withdraw my attention and affection from you." "If you get angry, I'll know you don't love me." "Nice boys and girls don't get angry—especially at adults." "If you must get angry, at least be polite." "If you get angry, you will not be liked." "If you continue to get angry, you will surely get into great trouble." "Civilized people don't get angry, but if you get angry I'll have to tell Daddy, and he will get angry and will have to punish you when he gets home." Parents in this environment will very often produce what is known as a double-bind situation which goes like this: "Don't hold it in— I can't stand you when you do—let it out! But when you let it out, I will hit you for being disrespectful." This damned-if-you-do, damnedif-you-don't approach promotes severe conflict, much anxiety, great angry problems, and emotional paralysis.played handball and put in extra sessions whenever he felt "out of sorts." He told me how he "murdered the ball" and how he "ran his opponent off the court, worked his off, nearly killed him." He at first made no connection at all between his "out-of-sorts" feelings and feeling very angry. He was eventually able to make the connection when he began to realize that invariably something very irritating had happened before each extra handball session. By the way, this man could ill afford to play at all. He had a b a d heart condition. But his kind of self-hating ruthlessness is not unusual among slush-fund exercisers. Sexual problems abound among large slushfunders. I must say that very few sex problems are primary. T h e y almost always stem from problems in relating to ourselves and others. An individual's sex practices are always a reflection of how he functions and relates generally. Here again, the problems are complex and always reflect many relating difficulties. Indeed this is true of just about all human emotional phenomena. They form an intricate interdependent network so that all emotional upheavals produce repercussions throughout the whole person and his relating fife. Just as emotional problems abound in an almost endless variety of combinations and permutations, the same is true of

These are complicated emotional syndromes or sets of symptoms. They are always linked to anxiety. They may be considered as emotional traps that are almost impossible to escape without professional help. Sometimes they are linked to perverted anger, as is often the case with anxiety itself. Irrational sets of ideas, beliefs, and preoccupations may consist of one or more sets of "peculiar thoughts"—for example, my patient's obsessive thoughts about hurting her little son. Compulsions—or the inordinate, uncontrollable need to do something over and over again without apparent rationale—as well as phobias (irrational fears) often have many roots, but I have often found very long roots connecting down to perverted anger. I remember a patient of mine who was terribly afraid (without apparent reason) of red what he feels and who he is (our feelings tell us who we are). However, he, too, keeps awareness minimal and immediately strives, with full awareness here, to put the anger down and out. If he has enough will power, he may kid himself into believing that he has succeeded. But it never really works. He may put the anger down, but he cannot put it out, however extraordinary his will power may be. He, too, will inevitably contribute to the slush fund. Here are some of the typical statements the conscious down-putter makes: "So Tm angry—that doesn't mean I have to give in to it. I just control it and put it out of my mind.'' "I take a cold shower and forget about it." "I take a tranquilizer in the daytime and a sleeping pill at night, and it all disappears." "I just take a long walk and forget it." "So I'm a little peeved—I put it down with a couple of shots of Scotch and forget it." "Me aggravate myself? Neverl I just laugh it off." "He gets other people angry, but I'm just not going to let him or anyone else even touch me." on—and at best it had gross limitations. She ostensibly came to see me because of trouble with a daughter. Eventually she realized that her real trouble was with herself and her attitude toward all people. In time she became a much '"realer" person. As her slush saving account diminished, she became more self-assertive—with both her husband and her daughter. Relationships in the family improved all around because they were no longer dealing with mirror images and superficially sweet, pleasing shadows. Thus this patient began to deal with real people as the frustration of living incommunicado began to dissipate. These seemingly mutually exclusive emotional entities are extremely common in human psychology. Marcy felt that her father's death was revenge and a vindictive triumph over her mother. As time went on, the twisting of this rage to and through her skin became unnecessary. Strengthened by our relationship, she became aware that her anger did not kill her father nor did anger make her an evil person. F o r two years she did little else than report to me three times a week and sound off enormous anger—and as she did so, her skin cleared. Eventually the lesion disappeared and was replaced by healthy tissue. Much subsequent work relieved her of the need to be sweet and angelic (with an enraged skin). She chose instead just to be human. It is very difficult to evaluate effects of the slush fund on human ills. Does it make us susceptible to viral infections? Does it increase our susceptibility to malignant disease? How much effect does it have on the heart, especially in people who already suffer from heart disease? I don't know. But it would not surprise me if its role is considerable. Poison will out, and when one's physiology is malfunctioning, it will undoubtedly be even more vulnerable than usualA great deal of emotional slush is constantly being twisted into anxiety. Anxiety is derived from many sources—emotional conflicts, hurt pride, loss of self-esteem, and so on, but much of it is derived directly from the slush bank. Indeed, it is my belief that the slush bank provides the principal fuel of anxiety-producing machinery. Anxiety itself is a highly complicated subject on which many papers and books have been written. It is not our purpose to write another one here. However, anxiety as the almost inseparable and sometimes indistinguishable blood brother of perverted anger (slush) is certainly a major poison and therefore deserving of our attention. Slush can be twisted into anxiety that is then felt as primitive anxiety in its raw form. Or slush