Relentless: From Good to Great to Unstoppable (Tim Grover Winning Series)

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Indulging in primal desires allows you to find “success” (that is, something to conquer or exert control over) even outside of your discipline, according to Grover. This way, you won’t get out of practice or lose your commitment to constantly seeking success even while relieving pressure or seeking pleasure. Shortform note: Grover suggests that acting on instinct will help you avoid strong emotions, but many psychologists provide a contrasting view. Research around panic suggests that it comes from a “fight or flight” response—our natural, instinctual response to potential danger. In other words, instinct can create strong fearful emotions if you’re not able to direct it into intense focus.) Internal pressure makes external pressure easier to handle. Others depending on you or having high expectations of you won’t cause fear or panic because the pressure they put on you can’t be any more intense than the pressure you put on yourself.

Accountability partner: Have one accountability partner, and meet regularly with them to make sure you’re both doing the work necessary to reach your goals. To truly push and pressure yourself as hard as you can, Grover argues that you must follow the third principle behind the Unstoppable need to succeed: seeking success by any means necessary. Grover provides two methods for following this principle: making sacrifices and accepting discomfort. Method #1: Make Sacrifices If you want to go somewhere new, you have to throw out the tired, old map and stop traveling the same road to the same dead end. Consider the pressure you’re currently under, and how you can use that pressure to help you be relentless. In states with the largest gaps between the rich and the poor, rich parents spend an even larger share of their incomes on things like lessons and private school, found Danny Schneider, a sociologist at the University of California, Berkeley, and colleagues in a May paper. Parents in the middle 50 percent of incomes have also increased their spending. “Lower socioeconomic status parents haven’t been able to keep up,” he said.In Relentless, author Tim Grover explains the qualities you’ll need to become the best in your field—qualities that he collectively calls “relentlessness.” In this guide, we’ll first define relentlessness. Then, we’ll explore the two main qualities Grover argues are essential to relentlessness: Ms. Sentilles’s mother, Claire Tassin, described a very different way of parenting when her two children were young, in the 1970s. “My job was not to entertain them,” said Ms. Tassin, who lives in Vacherie, La. “My job was to love them and discipline them.”

I usually like books like this - inside stories about high achievers, sports stars and celebrities...but this just felt ingenious and monotonous. Shortform note: In some ways, relentlessness is similar to what psychologists call “conscientiousness” or the ability to make and work towards goals consistently while delaying gratification and overcoming obstacles. However, there’s one major difference between relentlessness and conscientiousness: While conscientious people plan ahead to avoid impulsive behavior, relentless people rely on impulsive behavior to help them succeed (which we’ll explore in Part 3).) At the same time, there has been little increase in support for working parents, like paid parental leave, subsidized child care or flexible schedules, and there are fewer informal neighborhood networks of at-home parents because more mothers are working. In other words, you put more We’ve just explored the first main quality of the Unstoppable, the need to succeed, and discussed how you can productively fulfill this need. Now we’ll explore the second Unstoppable quality: the ability to direct your instincts—that is, the ability to use your natural animal instincts to accomplish the complex goals your field requires. In this part of the guide, we’ll examine three areas where Grover says you’ll need to direct your instincts—knowledge, emotions, and your primal self—as well as how doing so will help you become Unstoppable.Like all Cleaners, he didn’t study the competition, he made the competition study him. Other guys sat there analyzing and contemplating what might happen; he didn’t have to. He knew his skills and knowledge were so finely tuned that he could dominate any situation; he worked so long and hard that his body and mind reflexively knew what to do at all times. Shortform note: Gary Keller supports this idea of total commitment to one area of your life in The One Thing. He explains that extraordinary success comes from intentionally focusing your time on actions that carry you toward a specific goal—not from spreading your focus across everything you feel you should be doing and treating every area of your life as equally important.) Method #2: Accept Discomfort

If you did it, own it. If you said it, stand by it. That's your reputation. Make it count. If you want your opinions to have value, you have to be willing to put them out there and mean what you say. Once you’re able to direct your instincts to properly use your knowledge and control your emotions, Grover declares that you must access your primal self: the person you are when acting entirely through instinct. Directing your instincts productively is the foundation for this step because it ensures you’ll still relentlessly pursue your goals even when acting impulsively. Ever feel a book rambles on, giving anecdotes that aren't useful? Often get frustrated by an author who doesn't get to the point?The American Academy of Pediatrics promotes the idea that parents should be constantly monitoring and teaching children, even when the science doesn’t give a clear answer about what’s best. It now recommends that babies sleep in parents’ rooms for a year. Children’s television — instead of giving parents the chance to cook dinner or have an adult conversation — is to be “ co-viewed” for maximum learning. An American phenomenon If redundancy was removed from the book it would probably be a quarter of the size. If it was reduced to actionable advice a couple of paragraphs would suffice. Grover’s argument here—that relentlessness is instinctual—is similar to that of “evolutionary psychology”: A framework that argues that human behavior is heavily influenced by instincts gained through evolution. However, scientists and scholars heavily debate the merits of evolutionary psychology. Its main critics tend toward two arguments: On that knowingness: The novel’s sections are titled “Beginning,” “Middle (Nothing Happens),” “Climax,” “Ending.” If I were doing the same in this review, I might name this paragraph, “Yes, But,” to announce that little volta at the conclusion of a review in which the critic, after enumerating a book’s flaws, mystifyingly recommends it anyway. “Yes, but,” I say, for all its forceful and stylish prose, for Oyler’s signature denunciation of moral equivocation and imprecision in thought and language. “Yes, but” because I felt sharpened by it, grateful for its provocations. However, Grover also emphasizes that you need to make sure that indulging your primal desires doesn’t take priority over succeeding in your field. If your desires take first priority, you’ll spend too much time and energy on indulgence and won’t be able to relentlessly pursue success in your field. Calling It Quits