The Chump Lady Survival Guide to Infidelity: How to Regain Your Sanity After You've Been Cheated On

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As for your ex and his students – unbelievable! Nothing like leaving your village, coming to America, and being seduced by your professor. Gives a whole new meaning to the term, “Ugly American.” Sheesh!

Hang in there Toni. During my first marriage my ex was weirdly enthusiastic about us buying a very expensive RV, knowing that I would use it to go on camping trips without her to a location 500 miles away. Of course, I learned after D-day that she liked to use these opportunities when I was gone to hook up with her affair partners. I mean, I guess we can never really tell what actually went on, but there is no way I believe it was entirely one sided on his part. Yeah, I’m probably biased against some of the money-hungry young assistants out there, but oh well, what can you do?

Thanks for putting words in my mouth, I totally appreciate you making up lies about me calling people facists. Now, some people (and we call them sociopaths), simply don’t feel these emotions. And we see with horrific clarity what happens when Ted Bundy or John Wayne Gacy have no Guilt or Shame for their behavior. This is why we need these two emotions. They what stand between society and the more base desires of every human soul. During much of Cheaters cruelty, I REALLY didn’t want to keep living. I begged God to let me die in my sleep because I knew that if I suicided, it would hurt my kids (so I “survived” the abuse and tried to navigate to hurt the kids the least. My decisions about what would do the least damage were probs wrong.) So I really do understand this man’s pain. So, according to him, women can stop earning college degrees and starting businesses and running for high office. If they want equality, or to take over the world for that matter, all they need to do is cat-call the old white farts currently in charge and it will all just be . . . handed over. Because, you know, we’re old. And we’re flattered.

Yeah this is why you gotta be with someone you can trust (is that possible after going through this stuff?). Because we can’t control or police their behavior all the time, even if we work with them all day! Nor should we have to! Heh, I got the “I’m sorry, I don’t want anything bad between us” garbage, but the minute the other woman’s name (or the names of the AP’s I found out about later) was mentioned, it turned into “I don’t know who that is. I don’t know what you’re talking about. How could you believe someone else and not me?” He put HER career before OUR marriage, her before me. That’s why we’re divorced, my girls are estranged from their father, and OW’s enjoying a cushy post doc at a prestigious university – because XH refused to do what the dentist is trying to do, put his marriage first. I hear you, Just me. I had close relatives saying that he hadn’t done anything to them, so why should they cut him out of their lives. They yelled at me for leaving him, but never said a single critical word to him.

If the situation was reversed, if you were having the affair, would HE be okay with you working with OM? Absolutely not! He’d probably do what Richard Gere did in “Unfaithful”– kill OM and hide the body. I know I toyed with the idea more than once… Again a lot of it comes down to watching what they DO, not what they say. That’s where the ones listed above that my ex failed at become glaringly obvious. Namely initiative (but I would have never EVER expected him to do that anyway… like it would not have even entered my mind since I was so used to taking care of everything) and Recompense