Wounds of the Father: A True Story of Child Abuse, Betrayal, and Redemption

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Wounds of the Father: A True Story of Child Abuse, Betrayal, and Redemption by Elizabeth Garrison is comprised of the real life experiences of the author. Elizabeth Garrison grew up in a strict Christian home where her father practiced corporal punishment. When she was twelve years old, Elizabeth had her first drink. Alcoholism ran rampant in her family and it was no surprise that the young girl soon became addicted to the feelings she got while drunk. Abandoning her academics and sports, Elizabeth’s sole fixation was on where she would get her next bottle. She began to spiral out of control, drinking and doing drugs to numb the pain from her childhood abuse, and to chase away the memories of horrible things that happened to her at the hands of her father. In and out of recovery, it wasn’t until Elizabeth had a revelation about her life that was the key to discovering her sobriety and herself. Anxiety: There could be a combination of things and events that have contributed to you experiencing anxiety. Growing up with an (emotionally) absent father may have left you with a feeling of “I am not good enough” and perhaps you have hidden feelings such as a sense of loss, anger, shame, sadness and anxiety is trying to keep those deeper emotions at bay. Am I condemning myself as a total person on the basis of a single event or the opinion of a single person?

Emotional numbness: A tendency to suppress or disconnect from emotions as a protective mechanism, making it challenging to connect with others emotionally. There is no word to describe this read other than hellish, and that would be putting it mildly. This is where she got to ~ hell! I was literally astounded by her account and not in a good way. It is so honest, so crude and so devastating that at times I was appalled with her behaviour, at others, I wanted to take her pain away regardless of whether or not I was a bystander in a horrendous scenario. The build-up of her story is slow but more than comprehensible. There is always a reason why someone chooses to take the path of self-destruction and this is explained step by step in her story. Find a supportive friend or seek the help of a mental health professional who understands the grief process can help you move forward. The first step is to identify and accept that you have a father wound. Next, you’ll want to seek professional therapy to help you work through this trauma. Your therapist may walk you through viewing things through your father’s eyes. Not all fathers deserve forgiveness, but some may. Additionally, your therapist may prepare you to confront your father so you can feel heard and explain the impact his actions had on your life. From there, you’ll learn to disengage from some of the beliefs and behaviors you adopted due to your father wound. You can then make a concerted effort to become an improved version of yourself and credit how far you’ve come. Healing Help From FHE HealthPlease remember: You are enough and you were not responsible for your father’s behaviour or choices.

A father wound can instill feelings of not meeting expectations, not being good enough and being undeserving of love. Children don’t have the insight to understand that their parents can have problems, so they tend to internalize their parents’ behavior as their fault. Low self-esteem can result in an individual: Too rigid boundaries: If your father has been unreliable perhaps by not showing up or even being absent from your life, you may have decided that you cannot let people (romantic partners) close to you and you have to protect yourself. The pain of dealing with the aftermath of being let down your father especially as a young child may feel worse than the loneliness rigid boundaries can course. I recently wrote a post about “Is fear of being influenced by the other influence ruining your relationship?” Rejection: Feeling unloved or unwanted, leading to low self-esteem, self-doubt, or a constant need for validation. As a mom, I found myself heartbroken on more than one occasion, as someone who grew up with a totalitarian father in a household that screamed and slammed doors as part of their day to day existence I was scared, and as someone who has watched someone I care about push me away and lie because they were deep in their own addiction it gave me perspective. Jacob* is a successful business owner. He feels that his work is a place where feels the most at ease. He grew up most of his life without knowing his biological father. They struggled financially and Jacob decided early on that he wanted his life to be different. Her mother was vague about his father until he was in his 20s and his mother said that his father had left when Jacob was two years old. He had no recollection of him. His mother had various boyfriends over the years and some lasted longer than others. Jacob always told himself that he is “fine” without knowing his father.Do you think that over his entire life to this point, your father has any regrets down deep inside? Shame or guilt? Feelings of inadequacy? Once you identified negative messages from your father and childhood, start to challenge them with questions such as:

As long as we accept these words as truth, we will navigate life feeling depressed, anxious and angry. What does the father wound look like? Low mood / depression: Over time your anxiety can turn to low mood. On the other hand, you may have internalised your anger towards your father and him being absent and feel depressed as a result.

Her mother. I could have strangled her throughout this read, and I must point out that I would have liked to have known more about her abominable attitude towards her daughter. We find out snippets of information that shed a little light regarding her stance. Completely submissive towards her husband, she will go to great lengths to convince herself that Elizabeth is the culprit, but can be redeemed if she accepts God!

If you experienced childhood emotional neglect you may repeat the pattern as you don’t know any different. Perhaps you become a practical parent and struggle with emotionally engaging with your child(ren). You may find this post useful: Parenting when you have experienced childhood emotional neglect and/or trauma . Father wounds can leave us with unprocessed grief, which usually manifest as feelings of anger and sadness. Effects of the father wound include low self-esteem, feelings of inadequacy, shame, a performance orientation, etc.Trust issues: Difficulty trusting others, especially male figures, due to past experiences of betrayal or emotional neglect.