Cutting Humour

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A cement mixer collided with a prison van. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals.” – Peter Kay

I got in trouble for using my scissors during detention, but hey, I was just trying to make some snips!

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I’m going to cut the ribbon,” said Tom, ceremoniously. Cuts and Contradictions: Oxymoronic Scissor Puns I can cut wood just by looking at it! I know it is hard to believe but I saw it with my own two eyes! I asked my scissors if it wanted to hear a joke, but it just “cut” me off! Cutting Edge Clichés: Scissor Puns Snip Through Stereotypes What did Wolverine use to cut down trees before he got the adamantium treatment? He used a huge axe, man. I was playing chess with my friend and he said, ‘Let’s make this interesting’. So we stopped playing chess.” – Matt Kirshen

I saw a pair of scissors on a cooking show. They were cutting up a lot of herbs, I guess they were on a roll! I don’t class this as a job,” he continues. “It’s not hard work for me. I really enjoy what I do. I love to joke around, a bit of banter and that.” And that’s what Georgiou’s is for Steve – a place to be among old friends and acquaintances, a stage for his stand-up routines, and somewhere he might do the odd haircut, too. Elon Musk lands on mars and steps out of his spaceship ### "It's a small step for a man, but a giant leap for mankind," says the ground control officer and cuts off all communications.

Definition of cutting

I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said ‘Analogue?’ I said ‘No, just a watch.'” – Tim Vine Two monkeys were getting into the bath. One said: ‘Oo, oo, aah.’ The other replied:‘Put some cold in then.” – Harry Hill Here is a list of funny cutting down tree jokes and even better cutting down tree puns that will make you laugh with friends. What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.

Did you hear about the pair of magic scissors who made history? They were known for their cutting-edge performances!

Possible answer:

I know it’s short notice, but we really need to get this done by tomorrow. Trimming the Wordplay: Scissor Puns Snip Their Way through Comedy This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, ‘I want you to trace someone for me.'” – Tim Vine I went to the hairdresser and asked for a bob, but they misunderstood and gave me a pair of scissors instead.

The scissor factory had to close down… they just couldn’t cut it in today’s market. Clip and Claps: Snippy Q&A Puns Steve’s father used to do my hair,” says George. “Since I retired, I do the odd errand if Steve needs anything, and I have me morning coffee. I’ve been coming here for 30-odd years. And this is what he did to me,” he says, pointing to a bald pate. My scissors are always up to date on the latest fashion trends. They’re totally on the cutting edge.

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My 12 year old just told me a joke He said I've been trying to cut down the amount of video games I play, I'm only playing for 30 minutes before I go to bed. Last night I went to bed 8 times. I was planning a surprise party for my friend, but accidentally used a pair of scissors instead of a knife to cut the cake. It was quite a close shave! Short cutting puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cutting humour may include short chopping jokes also. I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it. I thought, ‘that’s Abba-riginal.'” – Tim Vine