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Psychotherapist Mira Kirshenbaum draws on years of research and her work with real-life couples to help you make the right decision. She shows you how to diagnose your unique situation with self-analysis and questions like these, which get to the very heart of your problems:
This book was sitting in my queue for over 5 years, and I FINALLY got to read it. All I can say is that if I had read the book when I first discovered it and went through all the diagnostic questions laid out in the book, then I would have identified myself as being in the ‘relationship ambivalence” state a long time ago and did something about it a lot sooner.Diagnostic question #27. Would you lose anything important in your life if your partner were no longer your partner? Is what you’d lose something that makes you feel good about your partner for being able to provide it? What makes a relationship too bad to stay in is when it has, what Kirshenbaum calls, a basic discord —an emotional, psychological fracture or dislocation or disconnection. How do you know when it's time to leave a relationship? When do fixable issues become unavoidable barriers? And how to you put your self-worth first? The book itself is nicely set up, although some parts get a bit repetitive over time. I have the feeling that some paragraphs here and there could be edited out, without sacrificing the message or style. But that's highly personal...
Few have written with such common sense and clarity about how to come out of the trap of ambivalence in marriage. I’ve recommended the book to colleagues and clients.”—Cloé Madanes, co-founder, The Family Therapy Institute With your new, more complete, more realistic set of information about what it would be like for you if you left, have you discovered new, more probable realities that now make leaving seem impossible, difficult or unpleasant? This isn't just a book, it's a whole series of top-expert counselling sessions' 5***** Reader Review Absolutely brilliant book for anyone struggling to make sense of their relationship' 5***** Reader Review We’re very polite with each other.” This is what happens to people in a relationship when they’re furious and exhausted from pointless fighting, broken agreements, and unmet needs. There’s no fighting, there’s just despair.
Diagnostic question #28. Whatever was done that caused hurt and betrayal, do you have the sense that the pain and damage have lessened with time? Empowering and eye-opening, Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay is not just about deciding to leave relationships - it's about helping you to realise what is worth fighting for. Read more Details Diagnostic question #30. Is it likely that, if you have a reasonable need, you and your partner will be able to work out a way for you to get it met without too painful a struggle?
You have to treat feelings carefully. They’re real and important but they can also be complicated and misleading.” The book goes through a series of diagnostic questions to provide clarity on whether an “iffy” relationship is "too good to leave or too bad to stay", with plenty of examples & case studies. At the end of the book, the author lists additional resources (books) on how to move on if you chose to go; and another list on how to strengthen your relationship & improve communication if you chose to stay.
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Have you got to the point, when your partner says something, that you usually feel it’s more likely that he’s lying than that he’s telling the truth? Gloriously I haven't told him what would help because I don't know how to. I don't know how to describe the actions that would make me feel good, and if I did and he then did then it would feel like he's just following instructions! And issuing instructions on how to make me feel cared for feels like yet another thing for me to do; another responsibility to add to my list. Makes me feel anything bit cared for tbh. When distance is safer than closeness, you don’t have a relationship #13. If All Problems Disappeared
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