The Tragedy of Heterosexuality: 56 (Sexual Cultures)

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This raises a final question: What does deep heterosexuality mean for women? Ward’s proposal is asymmetrical—it provides recommendations to men, but is largely silent about women. There are plausible reasons for this. Perhaps, insofar as Ward’s proposal is a corrective prescription, women do not need such correction; perhaps they are already appropriately oriented toward men. From a more structural perspective, it is men who hold power in our still-patriarchal social context, and so perhaps the onus lies on men to change it for the better. queers are braced for the inevitable moment when a straight woman proclaims, offhandedly, "I wish I could just be a lesbian." Sigh. Why don't you be one, then? some of us wonder. It's not that hard. La premisa hetroromántica se le vende a la mujer como el vínculo más importante y que dará sentido a su vida, los dolores, tragedias y luchas forman parte de esta historia. Incluso se generan vinculos con otras mujeres al celebrar esta habilidad de sobrevivir a las decepciones y salir empoderadas: el sacrificio heteroromántico para llegar a la felicidad. El amor profundo de la mujer redime al hombre a través de su amor nutriente, perfecto y de aceptación. El dolor y sufrimiento femenino es el vehículo para la redención masculina y nuestra medalla de honor; sufrimiento y aceptación que se alinean con el capitalismo, con lo cual se acepta una vida aburrida y cansada como modelo a seguir. La heteroresignación y el heteropesimismo son ritos de edad de las mujeres. Hay un trabajo constante que la mujer tiene que realizar para mantener y sostener la satisfacción temporal del hombre dentro de la relación, con el miedo del abandono o la inseguridad económica. La lógica heteronormativa nos hace aceptar que entre hombres y mujeres no tenemos que gustarnos o querernos sino aguantarnos y suprimir nuestros deseos y necesidades. Que los hombres puedan ser desagradables o abusivos se plantean como cosas que hay que aguantar para cumplir con nuestras necesidades sexuales y románticas. Ward, Jane (2015-07-31). Not Gay: Sex between Straight White Men (Sexual Cultures, 19). NYU Press. ISBN 978-1-4798-2517-2.

Many of these books were written by white eugenicists concerned that this mutual antipathy would reduce the white birthrate and emphasized harmonious marriages and reproduction as a tool to maintain white supremacy. Which leads me to one of my two main issues with this book. Ward completely ignores that men too may justifiably feel shortchanged in a heterosexual relationship. Violence and abuse are not one-way streets (even if we/society and the author try really hard to pretend it is), nor is sexual dissatisfaction.The thing about heterosexual misery that makes it irreducible to basic human foible is that straight relationships are rigged from the start. Straight culture, unlike queer culture, naturalizes and often glorifies men’s failures and women’s sufferings, hailing girls and women into hetero femininity through a collective performance of resilience.” While these questions about deep heterosexuality are a challenge, they are made to feel vivid and urgent by the insightful, empathetic, and entertaining chapters that come before. The Tragedy of Heterosexuality offers a provocative, thoughtful history of the awkward adolescence of straight identity, and provides a compelling case for the need to nurture its maturation in the hopes of turning heterosexuality away from tragedy toward the kind of liberation and joy at the heart of queerness. Perhaps this is better understood through the perspective of the revelation. The revelation of queer sex, especially for those of us socialized as women, is seeing that things you learned to loathe—the things about which you were told that people who love women find them disgusting—are actually sexy. It is the visceral experience of the falsehood of those lies. By contrast, Ward’s analysis and prescription revolves around “sameness” and I am, in other words, very much in sympathy with the author's thesis that heterosexuals aren't happier than we are. Exactly. And yet as we have seen during the pandemic, women are still doing more than their share of the household labor, about which countless articles and books have been written, and curbing their work hours to manage children while most men have not. And thus is the state of heterosexual marriage.

This book is a loving lesbian intervention, a defamiliarized look at what we’ve come to expect from heterosexuality." No woman belongs to any man, she writes, and men are “not entitled to have any woman’s love, care and admiration in an asymmetrical moral relationship.” She lives in Southern California with her partner Kat Ross. Ward's published work focuses on a broad range of topics, from feminist pornography, queer parenting, and the racial politics of same-sex marriage, to the social construction of heterosexuality and whiteness. Ward, Elizabeth Jane (2008). Respectably Queer: Diversity Culture in LGBT Activist Organizations. Vanderbilt University Press. ISBN 978-0-8265-1607-7. Psychic damage one million. I finished this audiobook and then had a Golden Bachelor/Bachelor in Paradise double header with Claire and then did a sexual harassment training course for work, which really added to the experience. (Although (here's how I can make this about the Bachelor) Bachelor in Paradise this season so far is, dare I say, subversive. Super unintentionally, it just so happens that the stereotypical gendered traits within the relationships are a little inverted, por pura causalidad. If anyone here is in Bachelor Nation hit my line.)I’ll be honest, folks. I’m part of the LGBITQA+ community. In particular, I identify as a bisexual woman, and I’m currently in a longterm relationship with my girlfriend (also a bisexual woman). The subjects of gender and sexual diversity had been an important part of my research as a Social Anthropologist, and those are basically my two main areas of professional interest. That being said, when I saw that a book with this title A) existed and B) was available for request, I ran to press that button hard. And I was not disappointed. Regardless, I do think Ward hits the proverbial nail on the head with the need for communication and less ego in heterosexual relationships – both in terms of sex and the relationship in general. I find it mind-blowing that so many women feel the need to fake orgasms, especially considering that men apparently generally enjoy giving oral more than women do (I’m guessing this is a contributing factor to why gay men are more likely to both give and receive oral than are straight men). Not to mention how many men seem to think that sex is over the moment they’re done. I'm not even sure where to begin for this one. I originally requested this book because I saw the title and I absolutely lost it. The concept seemed right up my alley, and I was really keen to read it. It had all the key elements to make for a potential five star read for me. But, alas... The execution. Heterosexuality is in crisis. Reports of sexual harassment, misconduct, and rape saturate the news in the era of #MeToo. Straight men and women spend thousands of dollars every day on relationship coaches, seduction boot camps, and couples' therapy in a search for happiness. And then Ward diagnoses the problem. She does this by doing what she calls “reversing the ally gaze” or, what I call “treating straight people the way they treat us”.