Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box (AGENCY/DISTRIBUTED)

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Being in the box is something that happens all the time. In fact, the night after I finished LSaD I realized that I was in the box toward someone, and using what I had learned was able to get out. Unfortunately, there are times that I don’t realize that I am in the box and don’t get out until later. Sorry Mom. Self-deception is at the root of most cultural “people problems.” It invites all sorts of conflicts that get in the way of the results you're trying to achieve. When people are self-deceived, they’re not focused on results and others; they’re focused on self-justification. But if we took the time to look for it earnestly, we’d likely find many examples of it in our lives. For example, we may be pretending we still like a job or career when we don’t anymore or concealing our disappointment in ourselves for giving up on our dreams and goals. Trivers, Robert (2002). Natural Selection and Social Theory: Selected Papers of Robert Trivers. Oxford University Press US. ISBN 978-0-19-513062-1. Some people may struggle with the book being written as a story. It may be hard for them to take the book seriously, especially if they take themselves too seriously. Kids also may not connect with this book as it is written from an adult perspective. Conclusion

The lies we tell other people are nothing to the lies we tell ourselves.” -Derek Landy, Death BringerOur self-deception usually comes with a fair amount of discomfort and anxiety, in part because of the cognitive dissonance we experience when we do it. ( Cognitive dissonance is the mental discomfort we feel when we hold conflict believes, values, or attitudes or when there’s a disconnect between what we believe and how we behave.) “ The first principle is that you must not fool yourself— and you are the easiest person to fool.”

For certain types of questions, answers that people rate as “99% certain” turn out to be wrong 40% of the time. Think about it,’ Lou replied. ‘As I sat there regretting how I’d acted toward my wife, my son, and my coworkers, what were they to me? In that moment, was I seeing them as people or as objects?’ It wasn’t me; it was that person’s (or team’s or group’s or division’s) fault,” you say. But who hired them? Your company did. You run the company. Every failure is yours, not theirs. Remember, it’s your company, and everything is your fault—the good as well as the bad. Stop externalizing issues; start internalizing them. You work for them; they do not work for you. You caused it, so 100% own it. - Antonio Garrido, Absolute Sales DevelopmentWhen you’re self-deceived, you experience yourself as a person among objects, not a person among people. You don’t see people as people. You see people as objects and minimize them. Our lives only improve when we are willing to take chances and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves.” -Walter Anderson Evolutionary biologist Robert Trivers has developed a theory of “self-deception in the service of deception”—a dangerous loop in which people like deceptive and toxic leaders can be so good at deceiving themselves about things that it makes them more effective in deceiving others, because they don’t show the telltale signs of lying. They’re so good at lying to themselves that it makes them adept at lying to others and remaining somehow credible to them. “… if a liar can deceive himself into believing he is telling the truth, he will be far more effective in convincing others.”

My business partners and I built a health-care company on the ideas in this book. We are amazed at what it has helped us achieve. Careful reading and rereading of this book has proven better than any productivity, team-building, or leadership training we’ve encountered.” Self-deception isn’t only a matter of mental games we play. Unfortunately, its consequences are all too real. For example, self-deception can: In addition to combatting your own self-deception, one of the most important jobs of a leader is to help others see each other as people. In other words, effective leaders help the people they lead avoid self-deception. They develop a culture that invites, incentivizes, and supports people to see others as people. They institute systems to 1) help people focus on results and 2) help people to see when they’re self-deceived and are therefore distracted from focusing on results. seek help with being honest with ourselves from trusted friends and colleagues or a coach or mentor The box is a metaphor for how I’m resisting others… I’m actively resisting what the humanity of others calls me to do for them.”Be interested in people not in their opinion of you. Get to know their names. If you’re not interested in knowing a person’s name, you’re probably not really interested in that person as a person. In situations where you’re unwilling to try to remember someone’s name, it’s a clue that you may be self-deceived and viewing that person as an object.