His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage

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Sex is most often associated as a need for men. Today however, more women are reporting a similarly strong need for sex. A partner can feel cheated in a marriage because they don't get enough sex. For a partner with a strong need for sex, it is nearly as important as the air they breathe. Without sex, one can feel unloved. When feeling unloved a partner can do very bad things.

Book Review of His Needs, Her Needs; Top 5 Needs of Your A Book Review of His Needs, Her Needs; Top 5 Needs of Your

What do you expect financially from your spouse? Do you have plans financially that depends on your spouse earning a certain amount or higher? Do you expect your spouse to work when you will not be working? All of these expectations need to be shared with your partner. It is no surprise that women often have an emotional need for financial support, even when they work or earn more than the husband.Current honesty: Reveal information about the events of your day. Provide your spouse with a calendar of your activities, with special emphasis on those that may affect him or her. Women usually want a choice between following a career and being a homemaker — possibly they want a combination of the two. When your most important emotional needs are met by your spouse, he or she deposits the greatest possible number of love units into your Love Bank, and you experience a feeling of love toward your spouse. The same is true for your spouse. When you meet his or her most important emotional needs, your spouse experiences a feeling of love for you. Learn how to reach agreement with your wife regarding the rules expected to follow and how to discipline. Otherwise the children learn to divide and makes a deal with one parent. Both mom and dad should consult in private and give an agreed-on answer.

His Needs And Her Needs In A The Difference Between His Needs And Her Needs In A

Today, women are far more independent than they ever have been. The actual need for a man is less than it ever has been. Many women earn more than their male spouse. Even if that is the case, what are the expectations? Women tend to like a man that can provide, or at least participate financially. There’s always something to know about her that you don’t know. Focus on what the other is feeling, thinking and doing. Should be personal. Harley takes a very shallow, worldly approach to marriage. In my opinion, he does not show any evidence of writing from a Christian perspective. He seems to almost condone adultery, if the innocent spouse wasn't meeting the "needs" of the guilty party. Similarly, he appears to place blame which should be for the guilty spouse on the shoulders of the innocent party. The wording that sex is as important as the air that person breathes. This is not used to describe any of the other needs. For the partner who has a lot of hurt around the act of sex (as there tends to be a lot of brokenness here) can you imagine the pressure this puts on the spouse working through sex? Can you imagine the entitlement this may give the partner with the high sex drive? Language is so important, and I feel this could be triggering. Also, if it is as important as the air that person breathes, it is so odd that so many people in adult life are living without air. This sounds sarcastic, but I say it to point out that not only does this language bring hurt within a marriage, but is a little crazy when you think about it in terms of those who are single or living in abstinenceDomestic support. She creates a home that offers him a refuge from the stresses of life. She manages the household responsibilities in a way that encourages him to spend time at home enjoying his family. about me as a person.” I explained to Ted the difference between affection and admiration (that we will cover in chapter 12). Affection is the communication of care, while admiration is the communication of appreciation, value, and respect. He was certainly able to communicate his appreciation for the way Paula looked, but this didn’t communicate his care for her. Paula was starved for affection, which was her most important emotional need. Admiration, on the other hand, was far down her list of needs that she wanted Ted to meet. Granted, some women with a high-priority need for admiration want their husband to tell them how attractive they are. And some don’t even mind being fondled while washing dishes as evidence of that admiration. But Ted’s failure to provide affection combined with Paula’s very low need for admiration made her feel particularly uncared for when he focused most of his attention on her physical attributes. After helping Ted understand what Paula considered to be affection, and what was not affection, I gave him a plan to turn those affectionate behaviors into habits. The strategy required him to keep with him at all times the list of affectionate behaviors Paula craved. Every day the list reminded him of what she wanted him to do for her. From the moment he woke up in the morning hugging and kissing her to the five-minute hug before they went to sleep at night, he was meeting her need for affection. Eventually, the list was unnecessary. Ted was in the habit of being an affectionate husband. If your wife identifies affection as one of her most important emotional needs, and wants you to learn to meet that need for her, follow the plan that I used for Ted. Once your wife has helped you identify habits that will meet her need for affection and habits she would like you to avoid, create a plan that sees to it you’ll become an affectionate husband. To repeat a point I make throughout this book: knowing what your spouse needs does not meet the need. You must learn new habits that transform that knowledge into action. Then and only then is that need met. Don’t build up your wife’s hopes with your good intentions. Go one step further and learn the habits of affection. If you know your wife’s needs and then fail to deliver, your relationship will be worse than it was before you gained understanding. At least then you could plead ignorance! Habits usually take time to develop—sometimes weeks, sometimes months. Your plan should include the time you expect to be “in training.” The easiest

His Needs, Her Needs His Needs, Her Needs

Domestic support- The wife should not pursue a career, and if she does work household chores should be divided according to the needs of the husband. Harley had a good point here about making a list of everything that needed to be done in the house and having each partner put priorities on the item. Whoever ranks something with the highest priority gets to be responsible for that chore. When your partner meets your emotional needs, you feel love and romance. The love bank has a large positive balance. When your partner fails to meet your emotional needs, you feel insecure, frustrated, angry, and neglected. The love bank has large withdrawals and may even leave the balance in the negative.Dr. Gottman is well known for his writings about the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse. These are 4 actions that destroy a marriage and lead to divorce. One of them is criticism. Many people confuse criticism with a complaint. A complaint is when you might say “Honey, you said you would take the trash out today. We’re ready to go to bed and the trash is still in the house.” Criticism makes it personal. A criticism sounds like this: “You are worthless. You promised to take the trash out and you didn’t. Why can’t you do anything you say. You’re a liar.” Recreational companionship- the wife should take an interest in doing things the husband likes-- watching football, for example. If she tries it and really doesn't like it, she should find something else they can do together. Couples should spend "15 hours a week" of "undivided attention" on each other, doing the same things.