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By no means perfect but it is refreshing to read a no-nonsense approach to living a good life that avoids most of the platitudinous nonsense of so much self-help advice these days. Of course, this book is, despite its author’s claims, also a self-help book. But it certainly takes a different approach, and not only because of the frequent appearance of the F-word. (After about a third of the book, the use of this word gradually diminishes, and the writing becomes a little more serious — but not too much!) You’re always wrong about something. Maybe it’s something personal, like a firmly held childhood belief. Or maybe it’s a widely accepted view, such as the sun revolves around the earth. Human history, and even your individual life experience, is a journey in becoming less wrong. Instead of striving for certainty and putting life on hold until it’s found, the goal is to accept and live with uncertainty. You must be able to cope with discovering that you were wrong all along.
One should accept the fact that one’s life is fully their responsibility. Others may be at fault for causing you pain and trouble but they are never responsible for your life. The acceptance of this simple fact helps you to take your problems head-on and take complete charge of your life. This may be the most important realization we can take away from this book: we are always choosing. Well for starters, Mark Manson is a real douche. There has never been a better husband than Mark Manson. Why? He doesn't put up with bullshit. If his wife looks like shit he tells her. He won't tolerate her looking bad no matter how much time she has spent getting ready to go out. The idea that you can improve your life by not caring as much is certainly counterintuitive. But the subtle art is to direct your cares toward the things that genuinely matter most. By developing the tools of self-awareness and determining good, practical values, you’ll learn to care more about the right things and stop caring about all the other trivialities in life.Furthermore, Manson's emphasis on embracing life's inherent struggles rather than running from them is a game-changer. He teaches us that it's okay to feel pain, disappointment, and discomfort because they are an essential part of the human experience. By learning to confront and accept these negative experiences, we can grow and become more resilient. Just like with a Gladwell book, I think one should read this book carefully, especially if the reader is new to self-help/ philosophy genres. If you're already familiar with some good/ logical philosophy books, chances are, you'll take everything in this with Drawing parallels to figures I knew and were familiar with was the most powerful literally device in this book. The epitome of this as a big music fan was the Dave Mustaine and Pete Best stories which I thought articulated the overall theme of the book in the best way possible. It is what you care about that drives your happiness and what you are willing to overcome that drives the value in anything in your life. Any Megadeth fans probably know how that worked out for Dave Mustaine …
Very easy to read, not a chore or not like a text book on self help that i would have expected as a first time reader of anything like this. It made it a easy to engage with and easy to read.
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There’s also a challenge in determining what a “good” value is. Don’t fall into the trap of setting up bad values for yourself. Bad values are superstitious, destructive, and out of your control. For example, material success isn’t a great value because your self-worth shouldn’t be measured by how successful you are at work or how much money you have in the bank. Consciously or unconsciously, you are constantly choosing what to care or not care about. Life is full of things beyond our control. But even if something isn’t in your control, it can still be your responsibility to respond to it. We have a culture of glorifying being right. I realise that I don’t know more than I do know, so perhaps a better expectation is that I’m wrong and I should simply strive to be less wrong, as an iterative process. You are responsible for everything that happens to you. Most people like to play the ‘ blame game’. If you don’t have a goal you’re determined to achieve, you’ll falter in the face of this adversity. Let’s say becoming a CEO is your goal. After all, being a CEO certainly sounds cool: just think of all that power and responsibility. And yet, being a CEO is far from a walk in the park.
Nurturing Connections: In our hyper-connected digital age, genuine human connections have become increasingly elusive. The book delves into the significance of fostering authentic relationships that transcend superficial interactions. Wolton explores how caring can bridge the gap between us as individuals, fostering empathy and understanding. By sharing compelling anecdotes and insightful research, the book encourages readers to cultivate deep connections that enrich our lives and the lives around us. The book is a reaction to the self-help industry and what Manson saw as a culture of mindless positivity that is not practical or helpful for most people. [4] Manson uses many of his own personal experiences to illustrate how life's struggles often give it more meaning, which, he argues, is a better approach than constantly trying to be happy. [5] Manson's approach and writing style have been categorized by some as contrarian to the general self-help industry, using blunt honesty and profanity to illustrate his ideas. [5] [6] Instead of saying no to these non-value-added activities andunsolicited suggestions,you feel guilty and do all of the above andconsider theideas that don't line up to your values. In the 1960s, people were taught that having high self-esteem was a benchmark on the path to becoming a better person. They believed that thinking highly about yourself could lead to real psychological benefits. This led to generations of people who thought they were special simply because they were told that they were and not because they actually did anything great. They were told to think positively about themselves, and good things would just come. While many people might be the reason for your unhappiness, they’re not responsible for it. You are. A lot of unexpected things will happen because you cannot control everything that happens to you. Blaming someone else or regretting over something that you cannot change are the biggest poisons and time-wasters. Keep the learning and move on to live a better and responsible life. Shit happens. Someone less smart than you might get a promotion and you might not. It is neither his/her fault nor his boss’. It is not your fault as well but it is your responsibility. Life is a sum of all your choices.When it comes to detachment, Vincent is on a whole other level. As a salaried employee on a fixed contract, he sees no problem in doing exactly as he pleases. “I am passionate about my work, I meet my targets and my deadlines,” he says. “But that doesn’t keep me from leaving at 5.30 pm” – an attitude that has earned disparaging remarks from his colleagues. “My manager passed on rumors along the lines that I was ‘leaving early’ or ‘taking the afternoon off’,” he says, amused. “I immediately replied that I do my job well, that I wouldn’t change anything and they can take it or leave it. They got the message. This is how I am. When I negotiate a salary, that’s how it is: I propose a number and if it doesn’t work for them, I leave.” Don’t feel guilty The Disappointment Panda goes door to door, wearing a mask and an undersized shirt with a “T”, and tells people the truth about them so they can start realizing what to fix so they can move forward. When Disappointment Panda says the harsh truth, it creates that “aha” moment and with that “aha” comes clarity to go down a road of peaceful bliss. Learn that you will care less and be able to let go of others' judgments as you grow in age and wisdom,
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