Every Family Has A Story: How we inherit love and loss

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Family in wire lettering - wire word Family - wire letters - wire words - family - family sign - family wall hanging - family word sign Kate: Yes. And that they could do that work. Rebuilding a story that they could then live inside. Must have been so powerful for them. Yeah. Especially when things are. When things are so far gone, I imagine it’s much easier just to say, I mean, that happened so long in the past. Let me tell you about the relationship I have thats driving me crazy now. But the hard excavation must have been very intense. As our relationship with the world and others is changed by grief, so does our relationship with ourself change. Read More

In Every Family Has a Story , bestselling psychotherapist Julia Samuel turns from her acclaimed work with individuals to draw on her sessions with a wide variety of families, across multiple generations. Through eight beautifully told and insightful case studies, she analyses a range of common issues, from loss to leaving home, and from separation to step-relationships, and shows how much is, in fact, inherited -- and how much can be healed when it is faced together. Kate: And. What do you suggest for people who have incomplete stories and don’t have enough information to piece it together in a way that’s satisfying? Mystery is sort of can be a terrible maybe maybe we just have to grieve that mystery. One aspect of the book that I truly appreciated was the closing paragraphs of each chapter. I liked that there wasn't always a neatly wrapped-up happy ending. By no means do I imply that I wished for negative outcomes, but I believe the book effectively conveys realistic expectations of therapy. It reminds readers that engaging in group therapy or any form of therapy doesn't guarantee that all problems will vanish. Instead, therapy serves as a means to transcend conflicts rather than eradicate them.Evidence suggests that the more children know about their family history, the less anxiety, less depression and higher self-esteem they exhibit.” (Natalie Merrill) Kim Hawley's family at her baptism in 1990. Before you start documenting, think about what you want to accomplish — what period of time or story do you want to learn about — and who you want to tell the story? Through eight beautifully told case studies, covering a variety of families across multiple generations, she analyses common issues from losing a parent to children leaving home, and from separation to step-relationships. In doing so she shows how much is, in fact, inherited -- and how much can be healed when it is faced together.

An essential, clever and kind book that reminds us that we can never hope to understand ourselves without deeply understanding our families. A testament to the ongoing relevance of psychotherapy and to Julia Samuel’s preeminent skill as an author and therapist.” —Alain de Boton De casussen zijn heel verschillend oorlogstrauma's, scheidingen, verlies van een kind, ziektes. En ook de families zijn heel verschillend Joods-Orthodox, zwart, adellijk, samengesteld etc. THE GIFT GIVERS! I know you’re out there! I love learning from amazing gift-givers. Two of my favorite gift givers are @byJeffChu and @jonathan_merritt. So, my very favorite thing in the whole world is foreign junk food. Just anything that weirds me out that I can eat, and especially chips. So of course Jeff Chu found me Salmon Chili Lime Flavored chips from Thailand. Of course he did. And when I got my lovely health news, Jonathan got me a box of Canadian-only chocolate bars. There is a growing body of scientific and anecdotal evidence that is helping seniors capture their stories. While not a formally recognized therapy, it is a powerful medicine for the client, family and caregiver. Research shows that writing on or reminiscing about family history improves self-esteem, enhances feelings of control and mastery over life, and often results an a new or expanded vision of one’s life. For very advanced-age clients, the chance to tell their stories improves cognition, lessens depression, and improves behavioral functioning.” (Mike Brozda) Julia Samuel brings her characteristic warmth, compassion and wisdom to the vital matter of how families function. She writes with unfailing grace, tenderness and consummate story-telling. Everyone who reads this will learn something profound—about themselves, their origins and the people they love most dearly.” —Dr. Rachel ClarkeFamily Story To Tell Quote Print | Family Wall Art | New Home Housewarming Gift | Welcome Wall Art | Living Room Print This was a very interesting book. I am a big proponent of Therapy For Everybody, but family therapy seems to play second fiddle to individual – presumably because of how hard it is to get a group of potentially therapy-averse people around one table. I will say the fact that Samuels is attempting to be inclusive of many different types and varieties of families means that some specificity is lost. This is coming from a place of extreme privilege wherein I do not experience racism or homophobia, nor do I have significant traumas in my past. However, I still have mental health struggles, so the books that speak to me the most are the ones who deal with people like me – people who from the outside look like they shouldn’t have problems. All the same, this is still a valuable book with actionable insights. To My Mother: May Every Tear That Has Fallen From Your Tired Eyes For Me Be Rewarded Quote | Family Print | Gift For Mother | Wall Art Print In Every Family Has a Story, bestselling psychotherapist Julia Samuel turns from her acclaimed work with individuals to draw on her sessions with a wide variety of families, across multiple generations. Through eight beautifully told and insightful case studies, she analyses a range of common issues, from loss to leaving home, and from separation to step-relationships, and shows how much is, in fact, inherited -- and how much can be healed when it is faced together. Why do some families thrive in adversity while others fragment? How can families weather difficult transitions together? Why do our families so often exasperate us? And how can even small changes greatly improve our relationships?

How are you?” is a question – as I remember my mother telling me long ago – best avoided. Once you start to think about it, you realise most people prefer not to have to respond to the inquiry truthfully (a polite “fine” covers it). Julia: There’s the Winnicott term, which is, you know, is a parent is the good enough parent, which I think covers a lot of bases. And certainly with me as being a failing parent. But I think when you’ve had a really abusive, difficult childhood, in some ways the hate does you more harm and the blame because it gets inside you and it contaminates every other feeling that you have. So that if you can find a way of giving yourself a story. You know, the the emotions that we have, if you can allow yourself to feel the legitimate feelings and allow ourselves to be angry and upset and betrayed and all of those things, and also kind of find a way of saying, you know, they were given who they were, the history they had and what they knew. They did the best they could. And that best was devastating for me. Kind of does cover it because if you just keep blaming them and keep hating them, it keeps you trapped as well, keeps you imprisoned. I don’t know if the word is forgiveness, but I think it’s living with and allowing for its like the accommodation of both. There were some good bits, probably all of the bad bits and that you have to allow for it. Kate mentions a podcast with Tara Westover called “Remaking Home” , which discusses more about childhood trauma and pain. You can also read Tara’s book Educated . Exploring the relationships that both touch us most and hurt us most, including the often under-appreciated impact of grandparents and siblings, and incorporating the latest academic research, she offers wisdom that is applicable to us all. Her twelve touchstones for family well-being -- from fighting productively to making time for rituals -- provide us with the tools to improve our relationships, and to create the families we wish for. In this pillar I explain the importance of both living relationships and the continuing relationship with the person who has died. Our relationship with others is key to a good and happy life. And when someone significant in our life dies, the level of our loss will be equal to the quality of that relationship and how much we loved the person who died. Read MoreEvery Family Has A Story provides the tools that will help with this work of improving our relationships. Its twelve touchstones for family well-being show how to communicate effectively, set boundaries, fight productively and allow change. Julia: My daughter had cancer. And, you know, we we had some very difficult conversations when she was so angry with me at times because I was trying to fix stuff or interfere. And she’s fought, you know, she was 38, but it was like, I want to go to the nursery teacher and sort out someone being mean to her. And I was trying to sort out doctors or. And, yeah, that wasn’t the right thing to do. But, you know. But not our best self, but not even that. It’s not not that’s the wrong word. It’s really painful and difficult when you really love someone. The author Julia Samuel was in conversation with Stephen Gross at our event. Please find out more here. There are many resources available if you or a loved one has been a survivor of suicide loss. Reach out if you need help at Alliance for Hope .

Kate: There’s an ongoingness to love and pain, which just doesn’t really lend itself to knowing exactly what to do. Samuel] excels at distilling shrewd insights from her subjects. . . . [Her] candor offers an unusually intimate look at how therapists work. . . . Covering a broad array of family structures and dilemmas, this quietly dazzling consideration of what it means to be a family is sure to resonate.” —Publishers Weekly I'm not a fan of reading book summaries; I prefer to know very little about a book before diving in. My selection process usually relies on recommendations from authors, podcasters, or experts in topics that pique my curiosity.Julia: They could then they wrote in this wonderful letter, the three of them, because I said to them, you know, their love for the person never dies. They would like I can’t have a relationship with them I only have one photograph. And but every time they talked together and they wrote this such a beautiful letter to him, because, of course, he was still very much in them and part of them, and they could see themselves in him. They had his eyes or his sense of humor, and so they healed by telling painful truths, which is really what you talk about, is that by facing and not hiding from painful truths, we can’t fix the reality of what happened. But we can learn to connect and even love and allow ourselves.