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Posted 20 hours ago

Living with the Dominator

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ZTS2023
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The Freedom Programme was a course devised by the author and from what she learnt she wrote this book for those who can't attend so more (mainly women) can protect themselves from abuse. My only criticism is that every scenario is “worst case scenario” it doesn’t really touch upon the “everyday” cases of mental or physical abuse or dare I phrase it is the mental abuse that is accepted as “normal”. The 11-week programme is open to women 17+ who want to learn more about the reality of domestic violence and abuse in relationships. Another of our facilitators uses them for her Freedom Programme for women with learning disabilities.

A woman should provide services and act as an unpaid servant’ – does nothing around the house to help, Burn everything he cooks.At 34 I was still bewildered to find that certain common place scenarios that had become the norm in my life were actually not what I should expect and that the majority of my life (obvious in most parts less so in others) has been literally dominated by this type of behaviour despite thinking of myself as strong, independent and knowing. What to look out for, usual signs delves into the mind of The Dominator and why women can feel so confused and tells women how to get out of these horrific situations. In fact, most of the women involved with such men had no real understanding of what was happening to them.

As it is a rolling programme you can start the programme at any point and can catch up on any missed sessions when they are repeated. Each session explores the abusive tactics, controlling behaviours and belief systems of the dominator and the effects on our health and well-being.I may be unfairly rating this book a 3 star but I think that’s because I was reading this from a slightly different perspective. We don’t know what the right thing to say or do is and when we think we have worked it out, we are still wrong – hence the saying ‘Walking on eggshells’! I first met Sharon back in 2000 when I went into a refuge she worked in after fleeing a violent relationship. It can help readers of any age and sexual orientation to change their own behaviour and to recognise when they are being controlled.

Whilst the book does touch on affects of violence on children, I would have liked this part to be lengthier and what was written wasn’t relevant to me. it is quite outdated and although learning about all the tactics was useful, I felt that the content could have included work on the self and the survivors identity as well as boosting self esteem and confidence, rather that centering around the perpetrator. Some of them are rolling so women can join at any time but this varies according to local needs, etc.Finally the book tells you the things you should look out for when starting a new relationship so you don't fall for another abusor. It places a lot of abuse survivors' issues into context and highlights warning behaviours so you can protect yourself in the future.

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