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Cock Piss Partridge - Alan Partridge Mens T Shirt

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Tony: Erm, Alan, this is Peter Linehan he’s revamping our current affairs outputs. [Alan really doesn’t care and shrugs his shoulders to make the point] Sophie, could you deal with this? - Sophie? - Mr Partridge? At the end of the week I'm meeting Tony Hayers at the BBC. Idea for a programme: ‘Lady Shapes with Alan Partridge’. I look at the changing shape of ladies through the ages. From fat chubby ladies of the renaissance to hard-faced Cromwelling sour pusses. Right up to 20th century well-toned women like Sharon Davies and, Jet from Gladiators. Alan: Abandon that, Lynn, it’s not working. Ok, doomsday scenario. You, Tony Hayers, have decide not to give me another television series. Why? Be tough. Susan: Don’t worry about your car, Alan. I’ll get Michael to sort it out for you. Alan bumps into Michael on the way to his hotel room:

What does that say to you about regional detective series? - There's too many of them? - That's one way of looking at it.

Alan drifts off and fantasizes about dancing for Tony Hayers:

Alan to his listeners: Kate Bush there, the lovely Kate Bush. With The Man With The Child In His Eyes. Which brings us on very neatly to my next guest. Mr Stephen Brai, who’s father invented Cats Eyes. Stephen, what was it like living with the… being the son of the man who invented Cats Eyes. Alan: Rolled on the thighs of a virgin! I’m being bawdy, Lynn. Enjoy it. [Lynn does a false laugh] He might make that noise. Be a bit weird. Right. You said you might give me a second series. Why is there any doubt? Alan: Oh, good.Have you got my fungal foot powder? It’s a life saver you know. I’d effectively be disabled if it weren’t for these. Alan: Well, you know, whatever. Because that is me. You know, because I e-volve but I don’t re-volve. Or vice versa. I suppose what you are trying to say is, you don’t want another Chris Evans on your hands.

Could someone clear that shit away, please? It's just, it's in my picture. People may associate it with me. That is the icing on the cake! Do you know, if King Arthur had had an extender on his table - It would have been a different story, really. Michael: What I’m saying is that, like if they had themselves proper jobs you know, what there ‘gan ’til, then they wouldn’t ‘dee it. A lot of them’s from broken homes.

Alan leaves the BBC building, heads back to his car:

I realised I had nothing to worry about. The man was a perfect gentleman. But if you told me 25 years ago that I would be talking about rigid inflatable hulls with Dale Winton I would probably have spat at you. Alan: We take fat people from the inner cities, put them in big nappies and then get them to throw each other out of a circle that we draw with chalk on the ground. A-haaa!" (LYNN) What if Tony Hayers sees "Cook, Pass, Babtridge" painted on your car? (ALAN) Don't worry, Lynn, I'll play it down. That was "Big Yellow Taxi" by Joni Mitchell, a song in which Joni complains that they paved Paradise to put up a parking lot.

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