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Kinky in the Digital Age: Gay Men's Subcultures and Social Identities (Sexuality, Identity, and Society)

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The acronym stands for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism. But being ‘into BDSM’ doesn’t mean you have to practice all activities associated with it. Rather, you can experiment to see which ones feel best for yourself or with a partner. At press time, “kink” is not a language you can learn on Duolingo, so here’s a handy glossary of some of the most common BDSM terms, from A to Z. BDSM and kink scenes come with the need for a great deal of concentration, a lot of emotional intensity, and physical requirements (such as dealing with pain, tying knots, etc.). "When we get deep into sub-space or dom-space, we experience a high nearly identical to that of drugs: We're stimulated, [have] heightened emotions, and can feel in another dimension," Chiaramonte tells us. Enter the foundational layer of kink: The Dom/sub dynamic, or D/s. "Dominance and submission is the general container for almost all kinks," explains Julieta Chiaramonte, a kink instructor, writer, and sex expert.

Subspace has been described as similar to a deep meditative state — which research shows can feel incredibly therapeutic and has lots of psychological benefits. But because this meditative state in kink can be highly emotive, we need to take post-play into consideration. You need to take some time to "come down" from the scene. Sex with strangers can be seriously kinky but also comes with its fair share of risks so proceed with caution. Most dating apps come with casual hook up functionality these days, but if this doesn't appeal you can create the idea of stranger sex without putting yourself at risk. Sign up to a webcam, join Chatroulette to indulge in virtual sex with people you don't know or simply use your imagination. 10. Experiment with sex toys Technology has come on leaps and bounds and these days everyone and their dog can press record on their smartphone and make a sexy video. However, don't be disappointed if your sex tape doesn't turn out like the porn films. Find an area in your home with good lighting, wear your sexiest outfit and don't be afraid to delete it if you're not keen on the finished product. And do not invite your dog. 10. Sex with strangers A foot fetish involves a desire to worship feet through acts such as massage, kissing, and smelling. As professional dominatrix Goddess Aviva previously told Allure, it's an extremely common fetish. If your partner shares that they have a foot fetish, it may be initially jarring, but it's an opportunity for you to discuss a potentially exciting new part of your sex life together. (And, if you're into it, just think of all the foot massages headed your way!) 4. Anal SexShahbaz, Caroline; Chirinos, Peter (2016-10-04). Becoming a Kink Aware Therapist. Routledge. doi: 10.4324/9781315295336. ISBN 978-1-315-29533-6. You know how sexual anticipation is hot AF? Orgasm denial is next-level sexual anticipation for those who love a throbbing clit or a boner that’s been hard forever just dying to get off—which is to say, almost everyone. The dominant partner will typically bring the submissive close or to the brink of orgasm, then stop. Repeat as necessary. Bondage and discipline is the act of consensual physical restraint during sexual activity. The purpose of this is to inflict pain, punishment, or humiliation on a willing partner, for their satisfaction. Jensen, Nate (2009). Japanese-English Guide to Sex, Kink and Naughtiness. (First edition, version 3). CreateSpace. ISBN 978-1-4421-0876-9. Yes, pregnancy can be the result of sex, but it can also turn people on. Pregnancy kinks include a desire to get someone pregnant (sometimes known as a breeding fetish) and an attraction to pregnant people. "The former is one with an element of riskiness. There's a permanent potential to be forever with the consequences of unprotected heterosexual intercourse," says Renye. The latter may simply be an attraction to a pregnant body or could be a type of age play. 23. Tentacles

Aftercare is crucial when doing BDSM because it allows us to return to a state of equilibrium and calm after particularly intense scenes. "Engaging in aftercare fosters a sense of trust as well as providing a sense of connection," Moali says. Of course, literally killing and eating someone is wrong. However, kinks and fetishes are already stigmatized; we don't need to pathologize this one if someone is doing no harm. "It is usually metaphorically, or an embodied feeling, rather than a literal translation," Dr. Richmond says. "Partners will often say, 'I could just eat you alive I’m so turned on by you,' but that's driven by an urge to consume the energy of eroticism and arousal more than a real or uncontrollable desire to consume a part of the human body. Obviously, if it moves into a compulsion or biting in a way that is not consensual, this is dangerous, illegal, and certainly not sex-positive," she adds.I’ll be honest guys, I did not enjoy sex toys when I first came on the scene. I was a freshman in college, brand new to sex, and all my friends, left and right, were exploring their anal pleasures with dildos. “It helps you get used to the feeling,” one guy told me in his dorm room. “I go at my own speed so that when the real thing comes, I’m ready.” If you've ever hooked up with a stranger, perhaps even before getting their name, congrats, you've tried stranger play. "Stranger play is one of my favorites! When I was younger, I convinced myself that women found me attractive more for my personality than my body. So, a total stranger who doesn't 'know' me engaging in a specific sexual scene is really affirming," says Billy Procida, host of The Manwhore Podcast. 26. Emetophilia Group sex is getting it on with more than one person. If you've ever swiped on Tinder, you're likely aware that many couples are searching for a third, although group sex can mean more than just a threesome. An orgy is when a group of people of all genders have sex, while a " gang bang" typically refers to one person having sex with more than two members of another gender (while the term can have violent connotations, it's also used in the kink community to refer to consensual scenarios). 7. Sensation Play

Period sex is still considered wildly taboo even though it's perfectly commonplace and we've all done it either accidentally or on purpose at least once before. If you're preparing to shag someone who is bleeding, just think of it as extra red hot lube and dive right in. Contrary to popular belief period sex is not unhygienic and nothing bad will happen to you (aside from ruining your sheets if you don't put a towel down). And for the bleeder? Prepare for relief from cramps, an increased libido, a shorter period and some seriously steamy messy play. Some people really like it, so don't be shy. 22. Anal sex Impact play involving spanking, flogging, whipping or paddling is a great entry point for BDSM play and features highly on the kink hot list. If you've never enjoyed a good spanking you'll be reassured to hear that if you target the fleshy bits, it doesn't have to hurt and the vibrations can elicit a tantalising range of physical and emotional responses to boot. Bend over baby. This does not mean that the sub does not have power. Everything is highly negotiated and supplemented by the use of a safe word. A safe word is a non-sexual agreed upon word or phrase that indicates the sub has reached their limit. Once a safe word is invoked, the play stops - either entirely or for a break. The importance of aftercare post-kink play. Our relationship had started more than a year earlier with intense monthly BDSM play sessions. After we stopped playing sexually, we continued to go to the gym together and push each other to live healthier. We still go to the gym together, and today I consider him one of my closest friends. He knows what I like — sexually and otherwise — more than most people in my life, so his presents are always top-notch.Quirofilia is one of those kinks that sounds more far-out than it is: It simply refers to an attraction to hands. Whether you go for big, hairy hands, or soft, dainty manicured ones, considering how much we use our hands during sex, it's a highly relatable kink. 22. Pregnancy All of my wild sex escapades were in the midst of my disease and not with my wife. For me, it all centred around being pursued and pursuing others, it was never about the sex itself. You don't have to stop playing make-believe when you grow up. Role-playing means acting out a sexual fantasy with your partner(s), either once or as part of an ongoing fantasy. While it can be a fetish or kink within itself, it's also a healthy way to act out other fantasies. For instance, if you have a medical fantasy and are aroused by doctors, you probably don't actually want your doctor to get sexy with you, because that would be creepy and abusive. The beauty of role-playing is that you can have your partner dress up as a doctor and indulge your fantasy consensually in your own home. 3. Foot Fetish

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