The Impossible Change: Lesbian to Missionary (0)

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When Andrews, 30, was awarded the Penthouse award in June 2019, she told the magazine that she grew up in the Pacific Northwest and moved to Utah at 17. Her move was motivated by her mission to join the Mormon church. With When Romance Met Comedy, Caroline Siede examines the history of the rom-com through the years, one happily ever after (or not) at a time. As D. Michael Quinn points out in Same-Sex Dynamics among Nineteenth-Century Americans, the way today’s world understands same-sex relationships is not how earlier generations have understood them. While intimate relationships between people of the same sex were not uncommon during 19th century Mormon history, these were not necessarily sexual. For instance, on July 8, 1837, Mary Fielding Smith observed that “some of the Sisters were engaged in conversing in tongues their countenances beaming with joy, clasped each other’s hands and kissed in the most affectionate manner” – an intense, but apparently non-sexual, expression of affection and intimacy. On the other hand, the true nature of expressions of affection between women is not always clear. Also in the late l830s, a 27-year-old Mormon girl wrote to her second cousin, who had been her roommate at Amherst College, “If I could sleep with you one night, [I] think we should not be very sleepy… at least I could converse all night and have nothing but a comma between the sentences, now and then.”

The first time I saw Saving Face, I couldn’t believe that a charming, funny, complex, beautifully felt movie like this existed and that it hadn’t been embraced as part of the mainstream rom-com canon. Though Autostraddle has named it the second-best lesbian movie of all time (behind only But I’m A Cheerleader), and filmmakers like Ali Wong, Lulu Wang, and Awkwafina have cited it as a major influence, Saving Face is mostly still a hidden gem for mainstream rom-com fans. It was released in the era of The L Word and Imagine Me & You, when there was a sense that queer romances would just keep coming, which is perhaps part of the reason critics tempered some of their praise for Saving Face, calling it slight and familiar, cute but hardly groundbreaking. But the film seems more ahead of its time when viewed from the vantage point of 2021, when cheerful lesbian rom-coms like Happiest Season are still few and far between, and Asian American characters (and stars) have only now started to move to the center of Hollywood romances, in movies like Crazy Rich Asians and To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before . Scissoring is something of a, shall we say, "controversial" activity within the lesbian community. That’s because it’s pretty much synonymous with lesbianism according to the straight imagination — and a prominent feature in mainstream lesbian porn. But ask some people of the sapphic persuasion themselves, and they’re likely to refute these presumptions, roll their eyes and mutter that scissoring is simply just not possible.

Despite her Brigham Young degree in communications, Andrews said that she was unable to find work. Andrews said of this period, “I ended up flat broke. I had a bachelors and I couldn’t even find a waitressing job.” One of the most common interpretations of tribadism or tribbing is basically as a type of dry-humping, but without clothes. So if you’ve ever tried TikTok’s infamous knee move (where you move your knee to apply pressure to a partner’s clitoris during a fully-clothed makeout sesh) you just need to do that— but minus the clothes and up the intensity. By 1952, the LDS community’s understanding and acceptance of same-sex relationships was beginning to change. That year, First Presidency counselor J. Reuben Clark first publicly announced the existence of lesbianism. (Not surprisingly, he was warning Church members against the practice.) Within seven years, Church officials had become very concerned about what they saw as the growing problem of homosexuality, though the term was generally used in relation to men.

Did you grow up smooshing your Barbies’ non-existent vulvas together? Their plastic limbs akimbo in a sapphic embrace as Ken lay dejected in the toy box? Well, congrats, you’re probably queer now — and you’re also probably more than a little curious about scissoring. At the same time that the LDS community became aware of lesbianism in the larger society, relationships between women within the LDS community were often celebrated or encouraged. Mormon suffragist Emmeline Wells, for example, publicly praised the same-sex relationship of Francis Willard, President of the National Women’s Christian Temperance Union. In 1912, the first explicit reference to lesbianism in an LDS magazine occurred when the Young Woman’s Journal paid tribute to “Sappho of Lesbos.” Nine years earlier, in l903, the same magazine had published a poem by Kate Thomas celebrating her same-sex love. Thomas, a devout Mormon who never married, wrote of her lover, “from her lips I take Joy never-ceasing.” In 1919, the Children’s Friend published an account of the love between the Primary general president, Louise B. Felt, and her first counselor, May Anderson, who were referred to as the “David and Jonathan” of the Primary General Board. However, if we’re going to get into semantics, this isn’t quite the right word. "A more accurate term for this is frottage, from the french word frot, which means to rub. Frottage is the rubbing together of two bodies for non-penetrative sex," says O’Mare. Frotting, however, is a word primarily associated with gay male subculture and sexual practices: normally non-penetrative penis-to-penis rubbing. While the term may primarily be associated with the sapphic contingent, anyone who’s curious about trying non-penetrative, erotic rubbing can chat with their sexual partner about it and give it a try. If everyone’s on board and necessary precautions are taken, there’s nothing to lose! Scissoring sex positionsSaving Face subverts some rom-com clichés while leaning into others, before ultimately ending on a truly romantic note. The final scene brings the film full circle and ties all of its themes together in a satisfying, well-earned way. Wu depicts a world where prejudice exists but change is still possible. And, crucially, Wil, Vivian, and Hwei-Lan don’t need to leave behind their community to find it. They just need to defy its more regressive, patriarchal side. It’s a message that’s still relevant to the unique challenges Asian Americans can face when coming out.

She eventually found a champion in Teddy Zee, then-president of Will Smith’s Overbrook Entertainment production company. The son of Chinese immigrants himself, Zee was looking to produce a more three-dimensional Asian American story than usually seen in Hollywood studio filmmaking. Yet even with Zee onboard, Wu still had to fight her own battles. She was adamant that despite the film’s tiny budget, she needed a sweeping aerial shot of the Manhattan Bridge to situate the world. In one of the more charming bits of rom-com filmmaking trivia, Zee helped Wu get the establishing shot she wanted by allowing Saving Face’s camera crew to tag along on a helicopter shoot for Will Smith’s Hitch, which was filming at the same time.Got a question about sex that you're too embarrassed to ask? In the online sex misinformation crisis, getting accurate and reliable answers about sex is more difficult than ever before. Mashable is here to answer all your burning sex questions — from the weird and wonderful, to the graphic and gory. Think of us as your sexy agony aunts. However, due to the friction element of the practice and the fact it is primarily associated with people who have vulvas, traditional safer sex barriers might not work. Often, condoms are used on penises and strap-ons during penetrative sex or oral sex, latex, or nitrile gloves are used for safer fingering and dental dams (latex or polyurethane sheets) are positioned over the vulva during cunnilingus. But scissoring precludes the use of any of these — with the most likely of these options, dental dams, unlikely to stay in place during a bout of vigorous scissoring. Andrews explained her decision to join the Mormon church by saying, “I was in a rough spot and they were so kind. The church took me in. I adopted a family and a religion along with it. I needed the stability. It was a great decision at that age.” In October 2019, Andrews said in a statement provided to Heavy.com, “I just wanted to be a good person and the LDS Church taught me many great values. I avoided a lot of bad situations as a young person because of my involvement with the church. I still cherish some of the ethics the LDS religion emphasized, such as integrity, honesty, and kindness to others.” Since the time the pioneers entered the valley, Mormon women have fallen in love with other women. While many such experiences were private, the organization of what we would today call a lesbian community began before the end of the last century. In 1891, when the gay-associated Bohemian Club of Salt Lake was incorporated, both women and men were included as members. Its principal incorporator and benefactor was Katherine Young Schweitzer, granddaughter of Brigham Young. Still, it was not until 189Z, when the Deseret News published a story about a Memphis, Tennessee, woman who was accused of murdering her girlfriend, that the LDS community became exposed to lesbianism in a public way. During this same time, Mildred J. Berryman began a study of 24 lesbians living in Salt Lake. She continued her study of lesbians and gay men until 1938. Berryman’s work has the distinction of being the first community study of lesbians performed in America. One of the women Berryman interviewed for her study, Cora Kasius, was a staff member of the Relief Society who went on to become a faculty member at Barnard College and a liaison officer for the United Nations.

Despite her departure, Andrews said she has no ill-feeling with the Mormon church. Andrews called the church’s followers “incredible people and very sincere.” Those followers are described as being victims of a “very rigid” culture. Andrew said, “I left because I accepted that their recipe for happiness, which works for a lot of people, does not work for me.” Quinn refers to love between women as “female homoeroticism.” The first known reference to female homoeroticism in Mormon history occurred in 1856 when a Salt Lake man noted in his diary that an LDS woman was “trying to seduce a young girl.” The term “lesbian” first appeared in 1870, used in a diary as the equivalent of the word “sodomy.” Three years later, in 1873, the Women’s Exponent magazine reprinted an essay entitled “Women Lovers.” Written by a non-Mormon, it began, “Perhaps you do not know it, but there are women who fall in love with each other.” Okay, confusing. But it doesn’t necessarily matter what things in the bedroom are called, as long as you and any sexual partners have a clear, shared and consensual understanding of whatever you’d like to try. If you’re not particularly good with terms, or have different ideas of what they mean, just describe whatever position or activity you’d like to get up into. How do you scissor? Andrew concluded her press release by speaking glowingly about the porno industry saying, “I have the financial ability to put myself where I want to be. I never had that before. Being an independent woman and not having to rely on anyone else; to live a good life and contribute to society, that’s what pornography has given me. And it’s given me a sex life!” And for those with more limited mobility, Bisbey has some parting advice. "People who have reduced mobility may find that supportive pillows and cushions make scissoring easier," she explains. "Varying body positions frequently, so joints don’t stiffen up, may also help."

Alice comes off as very accommodating. But when it comes to her vision, she’s a killer,” Zee explained. Wu won a battle over the film’s language as well. She knew that for the world to feel authentic, large swathes of Saving Face had to unfold in subtitled Chinese. Nearly all of Hwei-Lan’s dialogue is in Mandarin, and the way Wil switches between English and Mandarin when speaking to her mom helps inform their complicated relationship. Saving Face is interested in the grey areas of parent/child dynamics, the times when parents are able to live in denial because the truth hasn’t technically been spoken aloud. As Wu put it, “This is not a story about when will this woman tell her mom. It’s a story about when will these two women drop their masks and really see each other.”