How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids

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We’re only a generation or two away from the homemaker/breadwinner model,” she says. Every couple has to reinvent what’s right for them—a strict feminist model calls for a precise 50-50 split, but Dunn argues for what “feels equitable” to each couple. Jancee Dunn is honest, smart and funny. Her truthful writing style makes me feel understood and less alone with my issues in the world.

A couple years since the birth, they have found better ways to communicate and strengthened their relationship. Raising a child is full of surprises. No matter how many books, parenting forums, and articles you… Read moreDoing more Montessori/"Mayan style" (per NPR) expectations of children contributing to the household: In a commencement speech at the University of Texas, Admiral William H. McRaven, commander of the US Special Operations Command, said that when he was training to be a Navy SEAL, he was required to make his bed every morning to square-cornered perfection—annoying at the time, but in retrospect one of the most important life lessons he ever learned. “If you make your bed every morning, you will have accomplished the first task of the day,” he told graduates. “It will give you a small sense of pride, and it will encourage you to do another task, and another, and another.” Making your bed, McRaven went on, reinforces the fact that the small things in life matter. “If you can’t do the little things right, you’ll never be able to do the big things right. And if, by chance, you have a miserable day, you will come home to a bed that is made—that you made. And a made bed gives you encouragement that tomorrow will be better. If you want to change the world, start off by making your bed.” contemporary parents are less authoritarian and more egalitarian with their children. 'Parents your age like to reason with their kids, like they're little adults with rational minds,' my mother says, rolling her eyes. 'No one wants to be the bad guy.'" (p170)

There are great tips in here for any couple, ranging from communication to time and money management. But one big disappointment with the book is that the subject is explored through the lens of the author's personal life -- entertaining and readable to be sure, but potentially alienating to readers of different socioeconomic status. Six years later, Dunn was pretty sure that if the current trajectory kept up, she and Tom would be headed to divorce court. There were no overwhelming problems – no infidelity or abuse or insurmountable differences of opinion – but there was an undercurrent of resentment that was continuing to increase in strength. Clever, honest and hilarious . . . her book should become a baby shower classic.’ Publishers Weekly Find ways to get Dad involved and continue to encourage and reward his engagement with the baby. This means stop criticizing the way he dresses the baby, feeds the baby, or changes a diaper. Dad feeling competent is more important than the baby wearing coordinating outfits. As crazy as it might seem, arguing or complaining can actually feel safer to most of us than simply and directly making a request." (p68)A friend of mine recently said, about her husband and new baby girl, “He would take a bullet for this kid, but he might forget to put a hat on her.” Remember that social pipeline of information? He doesn’t have it, and if you don’t let him learn, you’re engaging in “maternal gatekeeping,” or keeping him from participating in the nitty-gritty of childcare. the pay gap between males and females starts squarely at home, with allowance...boys get paid 15% more for the same chores done by girls" (p175) How To Not Hate Your Husband After Kids is extremely helpful, and even comforting, if for no other reason than you realize that many couples are confronting the same programming and conflicts you are—and have managed to fight their way clear. This book is a very valuable addition to the whole huge transition to becoming parents. This book can help preserve the greatest gift you will ever give your baby: a loving relationship between the baby's parents. John Gottman, Author of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work I would be very calm when it came to my son," he says, but when their child was in bed, his anxiety surfaced, sometimes causing him to be "impatient" with his wife. She'd think he was being short and get defensive; he'd argue that he wasn't, and "the whole evening would devolve", he says. They'd never fought so much in their six-year relationship.