Pillow Thoughts

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You were always miles away. Maybe you were just always meant to be miles away. The distance saw us together in a dream and thought we were better off without all the mess. The bluntness of this is not all bad because it actually tells the readers straight up what the author thinks and feels. It does not sugarcoat anything, especially the topics here that really matters (loneliness, heartbreak). This is what I interpreted from it though. And that last poem. . . pure. Just, pure love. I really have to say that the 2 and 3 part where cute and lovely but please don’t read the first one if you are mentally not that stabled. It’s midnight and I thought about Boarding a plane and meeting you in the city I thought about stitching you into my skin So you’d be with me as I slept I wish you were here Or I were there Because my heart caves in when I look at you And it feels like your hands twist around My rib cage And take the air from my lungs My head starts pounding And I just want to kiss you It’s midnight And I just want you

This sadness that they say can be beautiful, what sadness is this? Because my sadness rips me apart from the inside, and there isn’t a thing beautiful about it. It will start with the big things, like their seat next to you at the family dinner table on Sunday evenings or their name next to yours on invitations. And then suddenly all the little things will fade too. You won’t remember the sound of their voice in the morning or how their hand felt in yours. You won’t remember all the tiny details of every date you had or all the conversations you shared late at night. And then one day someone will ask you their favourite colour, and you’ll hesitate. Be yourself so you are happy. Be yourself so that you attract good energy and good people. But don’t be yourself so somebody would want you. To summarize everything, Pillow Thoughts is a portfolio of generic content framed using totally obsolete structures. Structurally, it’s atrocious. Lyrically, it’s atrocious. Stylistically, it’s atrocious. Perhaps the only remotely positive thing I can say is that I am incredibly blessed to have received only a digital copy of this book; otherwise, had I been given a physical copy, I would have grieved for the trees that died and ultimately lost my shit altogether.I understand why people take flight from bridges, I understand why a girl holds a blade to her wrist, I understand why a grown man cries counting all his lists. What I wish for the world to understand, is that in these fragile moments, patience and love are needed most. Of all the tragedies on this earth, there is none more tragic than a person who cannot see their worth.

Maybe after all this time you were looking to the wrong person to save you. The right person have been there in front of you. You have just forgotten to look in the mirror." Chicago I’m in Chicago and you’re at home, how can we be so in love and yet so alone? It’s been so hard, how many more days must we be apart? All the nerves in my heart, wondering if things have changed, All the time apart, wondering if we’ll still be the same. I’m in Chicago and you’re at home, and I’m watching life pass. I miss you when I am alone. The tragedy of what could have been is nearly as crippling as what once was but can never be again. You’re beautiful without even trying but each time I bring you a flower it ends up dying and you don’t see how I look at you you just keep crying and the saddest part is that you’re so special but you think I’m lyingIt was especially perfect that I read this book during Pride Month as Courtney Peppernell is of the LGBTQIAP+ community and the poems about love and heartbreak reflect that. The Pillow Thoughts installment will always have a special place in my heart. It always seems to speak to me personally. I needed this and it reached me at the perfect time. They say if you practice something again and again you will become good at it. So why, if you tell yourself everyday that you are capable, do you not believe it?" If you are dreaming of someone, if you are in love, if you are heartbroken, if you are lonely, if you are sad, if you are missing someone, if you need encouragement, if you are soul-searching, if you need a reason to stay (suicide prevention), and these are for you. Some of them are long streams of consciousness, and others are a thought. Some of the poems rhyme, while others are just a lovely paragraph that tells a story. You promised you would never take a road that I could not follow, yet here we are; I’m crying on the bathroom floor and you’ve taken the road I couldn’t follow.