My Nanna

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Wow! Completely rude and way off point! Sounds like you are a child that blames everything on your parents! As an adult you need to take responsibility for your own actions. Your giving really bad advice and being extreme

I Love My Nana - Etsy UK I Love My Nana - Etsy UK

Surely when visits to grandparents reveal unwanted experiences as well as good ones the balanced parent will build on the good and either discuss or ignore the bad.

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Assigning roles like “golden child” and “scapegoat” to their children is a well-known dynamic in families with a narcissistic parent.

Larry King Hair | Hair Care Products | House of Fraser Larry King Hair | Hair Care Products | House of Fraser

In their eyes, since they have seniority and experience raising children, they always know best, and no one can tell them otherwise.I agree with your current partner. Your mother is exhibiting narcissistic behavior. It sounds like you’ve had a very close (i.e. enmeshed, codependent) relationship with your mom and grew up idolizing her. Your mom’s always been #1 in your life. But when you have a child, your child becomes #1, and it’s normal. Your mom has trouble accepting that. She sees your daughter (her own granddaughter!) as competition for your attention, another contender for her “narcissistic supply” (you), that used to belong to her entirely. So she tries to “eliminate” her by badmouthing her to you. In extreme cases, a toxic grandparent will sue you for visitation rights, or even for full custody of your kids. After years enduring his treatment, while he constantly reminded me that he raised me, that I’m his “investment”, and without him I would be basically dead, I finally grew up and left for a new life away from him.

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I have a personal experience with a grandmother overfeeding the grandchild to the point of constipation, and then denying any responsibility when confronted. Even though it happened after the child spent the weekend at grandma’s, she simply didn’t see how it was her fault. Quite simply, the grandparent is incapable of reflecting on their flaws and wrongdoings. They believe they were a great parent and that the issue is with you. They want to tell you how they should be fed, what daycare they should go to, whether or not they should be circumcised, how they should be punished etc.

Yes, Kasey. Toxic grandparents should be able to report to child abuse. I had my daughter in 1968. At that time most babies were given up for adoption. I was 19 and had a very good job to leave my parents’ house and care for her myself. My parents insisted she stay in their home with or without me. I was physically and verbally abused by my father since I can remember. I even got punished for falling because I’d have to go to the doctor for stitches. I was always scared to death of my father. Now with my daughter if I didn’t do what he said his threat would be he would take her away from me for being an unfit mother. I always assumed responsibilities in buying my own car, paying all expenses I was responsible for. I even had to save for 3 months ahead to make sure my car wouldn’t be reposted when pregnant. Basically, my father enjoyed beating me up even in front of my daughter. My uncle, my father’s brother, confronted my father and said he was taking me to live with him and my cousins. Naturally my father threatened him and that was that.

The Day You Became - Etsy UK The Day You Became - Etsy UK

They also want to be invited to every family vacation, dinner, and other events the parents might prefer to enjoy with friends or alone with their kids.They’re critical, judgmental, and manipulative people. And in their mind, when they’re criticizing someone, they’re “helping” them become better. It can also upset your kids. Children are typically attached to their grandparents despite their personal qualities. It’s really frustrating and consuming. It’s more frustrating when you tell everything that’s happening to you to your friends, and when they meet the person in cause, they tell you “How can you say that things about this sweet elderly man?” They aim to elicit sympathy and to remind everyone – kids and grandkids – that things need to be going their way, or else. Brown, N. W. (2015). Children of the Aging Self-Absorbed: A Guide to Coping with Difficult, Narcissistic Parents & Grandparents.New Harbinger Publications.