Go the Way Your Blood Beats

Product Information

In this memoir, Emmett de Monterey tells us what it was like growing up as a disabled queer kid in 1980s London. In clear, sometimes harsh and sometimes tender, words, he takes us on a journey that is his life and that he could not simply end to return to another (desired) one. Emmett De Monterey was born with cerebral palsy, and as he grew up he realised that he was gay. He joins Alex Andreou to discuss his new book Go The Way Your Blood Beats about the challenges of facing two forms of prejudice, one against his disability and the other his sexuality. How do you fight to be seen in a world that refuses to see you? The book is raw and intimate, showing his childhood experiences of, in Emmett’s own words, his “double difference”. As a reader, I felt so many emotions. I felt angry, sad, ashamed for the behaviour of general society, afraid for the author; while his first experience of Pride made me smile.

The title of this engaging memoir exploring Emmett de Monterey’s life growing up gay and disabled (he has cerebral palsy) in 1980s London comes from James Baldwin: “You have to go the way your blood beats. If you don’t live the only life you have, you won’t live some other life, you won’t live any life at all…” It sounds naive now but it hadn’t even occurred to me that there were other ways to be and that I could embrace being disabled as an identity. When the author responds that he has cerebral palsy, the guy’s reaction is swift and unpleasant: ‘You should be at home’ Emmett de Monterey added: “I’m thrilled and delighted that Genesius Pictures will be developing my book for TV. I’ve admired the company ever since seeing their beautiful film ‘Mrs Lowry & Son,’ and am sure they will bring the same originality and sensitivity to telling my story.” In the months that followed, Emmett struggled to accept the outcome of his surgery. There were small improvements, but he still had cerebral palsy.Viking has landed debut author Emmett de Monterey’s “beautiful, powerful” memoir Go the Way Your Blood Beats following an exclusive submission. One of the strengths of this memoir is de Monterey’s ability to convey the constant struggle faced by individuals who exist outside societal norms. He portrays the reductive and violent language thrown at him from various institutions, such as the medical establishment, the education system, and the church. By highlighting these encounters, de Monterey exposes the harmful impact of ableism and homophobia on marginalized communities, forcing readers to confront their own prejudices and biases. Emmett in no way regrets the surgery – he says he wouldn’t be walking as well as he is today without it –but the experience was exhausting and emotionally draining for both him and his parents. It was that enforced invisibility that made Emmett want to share his story in his own words – to reclaim his own narrative years after tabloids cast their own agenda onto his narrative.

Go the Way Your Blood Beats is a memoir about being born with cerebral palsy and the “strange and heartbreaking experience of becoming a charity poster boy as a young child”. When Emmett de Monterey is eighteen months old, a doctor diagnoses him with cerebral palsy. Words too heavy for his twenty-five-year-old artist parents and their happy, smiling baby. In this week’s episode Rina and Lauren discuss the importance of connecting with people who share your experience, building a community (hello the fkingnormal podcast!) and just how valuable this is for providing a safe space to cope through difficulties — together. They interview Australian author and advocate Melanie Dimmitt on her journey to accepting her less typical parenting path, what she learnt and what she has gone on to achieve to support others in a similar position.

From an early age, de Monterey grappled with the realities of living with cerebral palsy, a condition that shaped his understanding of identity and difference. However, he refused to let his disability define him, instead using it as a wellspring of strength and inspiration for his writing.

I’d told Joanna I was gay when I was 16, while lying on my living room carpet, listening to REM. Although I had finally said the words out loud, I wasn’t sure I believed it, if I knew what the words would mean for me. I still felt like the bullied boy, my eyes fixed to the whiteboard, ignoring the sting of spitballs on my collar and the breaktime shouts of “bender”. I would catch the train home on Fridays, fizzing with freedom. Sometimes I would buy a gay magazine, if the newsagent wasn’t too crowded, but the photos of smooth-muscled perfection only increased my feelings of alienation. I hid them under my mattress – they didn’t seem to promise a bright future, a party I could join. I have cerebral palsy and, as a disabled person, I felt my sexuality would always be theoretical. What did it matter, really, what I called myself? Growing up in south-east London in the 1980s, Emmett is spat at on the street and prayed over at church. At his mainstream school, teachers refuse to schedule his classes on the ground floor, and he loses a stone from the effort of getting up the stairs. At his sixth form college for disabled students, he's told he will be expelled if the rumours are true, if he's gay. I cannot put my feelings into words ... I am just very grateful that I was able to read his memoir and that he shared his story with us. Go the Way Your Blood Beats” by Emmett de Monterey is a memoir that explores the challenges faced by a gay, disabled individual in a society that perpetuates ableism and homophobia. De Monterey’s personal experiences and emotional storytelling make this memoir an important contribution to the understanding of intersectionality and the complexities of identity.Emmett’s story starts with his premature birth, weighing a tiny 1lb 1oz. His survival seems miraculous, though after reading his memoir, I’m sure the author would not appreciate this terminology. We travel through his diagnosis with cerebral palsy, and his understanding and acceptance of being gay; the behaviour and attitudes of others in the brutal 1980s and 90s. Through his engaging prose, de Monterey invites readers to reflect on their own prejudices and biases, encouraging a deeper understanding of the experiences of those who exist outside societal norms. His memoir is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and a call to embrace one’s true self, regardless of societal expectations. It sounds a strange thing to say given that I’ve got my happy ending myself but I think that, yes, it’s still very difficult for disabled people if they find themselves to be anything other than heterosexual – and even being heterosexual is quite challenging because ultimately society would still rather that we weren’t visible.” The prose itself was straightforwardly beautiful. Most heartbreaking was the isolation that was painfully familiar — too queer for the disabled community, too disabled for the queer community, left belonging to neither. This memoir put me through many big emotions, not least anger at how little some things have changed. It will stay with me for a long time, and I’m going to be recommending it to everyone.

You could almost see the journalists going, ‘This is not what we were led to expect from the rhetoric around this process’,” he says.

The medical model of disability posits that the disabled individual needs to be fixed or somehow normalised by surgical intervention, and I had completely swallowed this idea,” Emmett explains. His diverse experiences have not only informed his writing but also have allowed him to bring a fresh and informed perspective to the themes he explores in his memoir, “Go the Way Your Blood Beats.” Emmott de Monterey's memoir is a fabulous read that chronicles his journey of growing up disabled and gay in the 1980s and 90s. I was completely engrossed in this book and couldn't put it down. The author's storytelling is a perfect blend of moving, funny, and poignant moments that left a lasting impact.