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He's Not Lazy: Empowering Your Son to Believe In Himself

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Learning to be independent is soooo important but many parents over control thereby stunting that natural growth. I wish I’d read it earlier when my son was in elementary or middle school as I would’ve adjusted my approach and response in handling some of his struggles with motivation sooner, but I still appreciated learning several tips that I can begin to implement now. It’s the first one I’ve read in the area of understanding teenage boys that really spoke to me and made sense of this sometimes difficult season for families. This book can help you become an ally with your son, as he discovers greater self-confidence and accepts responsibility for his future. This book not only explains teenage boys minds, it offers solutions or suggestions to issues we as parents might be facing.

Additionally, what about our LGBTQ boys that approach their transformation into sexual beings in perhaps a different way? This is especially true for boys who are known to be very smart -- instead of dealing with the anxiety and potential of failure, he takes the "opt-out" route. I found this great and helped put into perspective what I have experienced and seen in the academic world around me. I would not recommend this book to any parents who are dealing with teenagers with severe mental health issues or substance abuse.

Almost everything he wrote my wife and I were like “I’d never actually say that but I get his point kind of. Is this what YOU want for him so YOU can feel good about what a great parent you are or so his achievements can make up for something we wished we did in our own childhoods?

From what I know of teenage development, young people are usually really motivated to learn about stuff that interests them. He’s NOT trying hard, not seemingly concerned about grades or school, in fact they might describe him as ‘barely motivated’, or even ‘lazy’. Why do they spend endless hours playing video games or glued to their phones and social media sites instead of studying? He has presented widely to both parents and educators on opting out, child development, and learning disabilities, and has appeared on “Good Day New York” and other programs to discuss topics ranging from discipline to the impact of video games on children.Overall valid advice for raising any teenager but had some insights and suggestions that are more relevant to teenage boys. As the former Director of Outpatient Services at Newark Beth Israel Hospital and Associate Director at Family Connections, a mental health agency, he has supervised and trained numerous clinicians in family and child therapy. They give up, not because they are lazy but because they don’t have the skills and brain ‘executive functions’ yet to cope.

The ‘could-try-harder’ boy who is too cool, too busy, or too engrossed in his Xbox to put in the hours on his academics. As school starts up again it’s important to mention the key study skills which will put your child in the best position to succeed this academic year. The first part covers the why your son behaves the way he does, using relatable scenarios from his life and practice, along with a more heavy chapter about the science of the teen boy's brain and underdeveloped pre-frontal cortex. They see a face that is frightened and respond with their amigdyla which is fight or flight, anger source. Appearing like he's "too cool for school" means he doesn't need to face all this pressure, or have people find out he really isn't that smart.Parents, college students, teachers, and psychologists will gain a better understanding of the problem and know how to help teen boys who are going through it have a successful school career. It offered some solid advice and some that I thought to be a bit unrealistic, although it may be realistic for other kids (like writing their feelings in a journal… a great idea but I’m not sure it applies to the kids he’s talking about). If it doesn’t pertain to you fine, but that doesn’t make it not valid, and to say this book if for kids who get Cs and are otherwise going down a less than stellar path in life is way off the mark.

They are struggling silently, in a world that is too competitive, surrounded by a perfectionistic culture, and because their brains develop later and differently from girls’ brains (and the school system is biased towards a learning style that suits girls more than boys in general- encouraged by sitting in rows, teacher led learning), the boys feel overwhelmed. I am sure my 12 year old will be very happy now that I will no longer be a walking self-help book giving him advise at every turn, and letting him learn his life-lessons from living his own life.

He explains why nagging and over-parenting simply exacerbates this issue, and how stepping back and giving boys more autonomy can help them become more self-directed and find their footing. There are many brilliant books out there, but this one stands out for meI REALLY worry about the impact the rising levels of perfectionism in young people is having on their mental health. I'm at work every day by 8 and my commute is longer so I don't see the issue with starting at 730 or 8.

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