No Comment: What I Wish I'd Known About Becoming A Detective

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A relationship ended, and now the bulk of her social circle was made up of fellow trainees. After graduating, she was posted to east London, and worked largely with domestic abuse cases. Almost 11 per cent of all crimes reported to the police concern domestic abuse but, McDonald says, these are often the hardest to get a conviction for.

She doesn’t know why she was targeted. “It could be because I’m female; it could be because I’d had an issue with my mental health; it could be because I was coming in from this scheme, so I was like an outsider.” As with racism and sexism, she says, bullying is hard to prove, because it is cumulative: “It’s like a thousand tiny things. You can almost explain away every single incident [in isolation].” But bullying is an abuse of power that should be a red flag in policing, she says. She wants an anonymous reporting system to be introduced to allow Met officers to raise concerns about colleagues. I do want to point out that there are some really good people in the force doing an incredible job in very tough circumstances,” she says, “but, yes, there are some really bad apples, too.”

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Her original plan was to publish her book anonymously while continuing in the job, she says. Now that it is out under her real name, is she worried about her former colleagues’ response? “Not really. I’m sure some people who have not behaved the best would rather it hadn’t seen the light of day, but it’s honest – at the end of the day, it’s what happened,” she says. She sees the publication of the book as part of changing policing culture. Unlike the women she worked with, McDonald said she would still report a sexual offence to the police (“I’d write my statement myself”). But with two-year waits for rape trial dates, she conceded that “you don’t have meaningful access to justice”. She has learned from her time in the police to protect herself. The vast majority of people join the police to make a difference and to help, and they’re awarded these powers to help with that. However, some people join the police for the powers. And people who seek power to abuse power are at the heart of a lot of really serious crimes,” she says. “In my experience, within the police, everyone knows who the dodgy characters are. Everyone’s talking about it, but no one can take it anywhere, because that’s committing career suicide, and nothing’s going to be done.” I was dealing with more trauma on a day-to-day basis than the average person would see in maybe two years

As for the pitiful rape prosecution rate, her time working on sexual and domestic violence cases inside the Met’s community safety unit (CSU) convinced McDonald that the real culprit wasn’t police misogyny but the Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) criteria that set a high bar for prosecuting. “They want a realistic chance of conviction. But with these crimes against women – and they are predominantly crimes against women – you can’t have that,” she says, pointing out that intimate crimes rarely have witnesses. “I’m not saying they’re easy crimes to prosecute and then to convict. However, it’s not good enough to just be like: ‘Oh, it’s a grey area’ – a lot of these crimes are grey. It’s so very, very demoralising when you work in a unit where other women you work with say they wouldn’t report it if they were raped themselves.” Piecing together evidence from original documents and artefacts, this book tells the story of Anne Boleyn's relationship with, and influence over her daughter Elizabeth. In so doing, it sheds light on two of the most famous and influential women in history. The Met Police's Direct Entry Detective scheme was aimed at turning people with no experience of the police into detectives. Ultimately, she quit. She had lasted five years. McDonald has now written a book about her experiences, No Comment: What I Wish I’d Known About Becoming a Detective, in which she lays bare the realities of life in the police force, and which the police force is unlikely to use as an advertising manual for potential new recruits. The job there, she says, felt like fighting a raging fire with a water pistol. “What I was dealing with on a day-to-day basis, what I was personally involved with and the people around me were involved with, is more trauma than the average person would see in maybe two years,” she says. “It’s very, very high volume and very, very high risk.” She would juggle 20 cases at a time, overseeing each from arrest to court. A short secondment, to a murder investigation team, left her wondering why they seemingly enjoyed unlimited resources once it was too late to save the victim, while her domestic violence team – capable of preventing murders – was run ragged. Everyone knows who the dodgy characters are, but no one can take it anywhere, because that’s committing career suicideMcDonald says she didn’t experience sexual harassment in the Met, but she knows women who did. Her friend Mel was living in police accommodation when she caught a senior officer using his mobile phone to spy on her in the shower of their shared bathroom. Fortunately, another officer intervened and the culprit was arrested, but by the time his case came to court, Mel had quit the force. “She’s said to me since, would she have reported it if it was just her and him? Probably not, because he’s more senior,” says McDonald. I'm Not as Well as I Thought I Was is an insight into the depths of her psyche, and a stark exploration of what trauma can do to someone. Reflecting on years of personal and professional experience, she opens up to readers about her struggles with mental health and different treatments over the years, hoping to provide reassurance and guidance to anyone confronting their own anticipated, or unanticipated, struggles with mental health. After a while, it just became intolerable. The job is already traumatic enough as it is, you know?”