She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

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Sentence-Summary: She Comes First is sex therapist Dr. Ian Kerner’s guide to improving sex by emphasizing the female orgasm, explaining why changing your mindset about sex and focusing on the stimulation of the right places in the right ways can be more enjoyable than intercourse for both men and women.

Shortform note: Kerner says that foreplay—stimulating your partner before touching her clitoris—is fundamental for a sexual encounter because women require anticipation to become properly aroused. This is because whereas sex begins in the body for men, sex begins in the mind for women. This is due to the different levels of testosterone between men and women. Testosterone is the hormone that causes physiological desire and is typically much higher in men than in women. Consequently, women need more mental stimulation—what Kerner calls anticipation—than men to get sufficiently aroused.) Adjust your fingers. You can add a third finger depending on what’s comfortable for her. You can also use your thumb to stimulate the anus or press her perineum.Shortform note: Kerner mentions that some women may enjoy anal and perineal stimulation. Experts elaborate that some women actually prefer stimulation in these spots over clitoral stimulation, and can orgasm from this alone. This is called an anal orgasm. If your partner thinks she may prefer anal stimulation or wants to try having an anal orgasm, experts recommend stimulating the anal region with your tongue, fingers, or toys like anal plugs, beads, or vibrators.) Step #4: Approaching Orgasm To truly experience mutual pleasure, penetration can actually be left out completely. The only reason penetration and male ejaculation are necessary during sex is to procreate. Neither are needed if the goal is to make your female partner orgasm. Kerner says you must maintain pressure on the clitoral head and internal clitoral nerves as she approaches orgasm. This will make the orgasm more powerful by essentially giving her two orgasms at once—one internally and one externally—called a blended orgasm. The following are indications that she’s about to orgasm: her breathing and heart rate are rapid, her muscles are in a high tension state, her ears and face are flushed, her hands and abdomen are hot, and you can feel her vulva pulsing. It might be easy to just think of sex in terms of preparing, getting it done, and then falling asleep. But this is what average people do and they don’t have great sex. If you really want to reach a new level of pleasure, you should go for multiple orgasms. For those claiming that G-spot climaxes are far more intense than clitoral orgasms, here’s an interesting fact. The G-spot is actually the base of the clitoris and is stimulated during penetration, so this type of orgasm is inseparable from clitoral orgasms.

So while Kerner uses the linear four-phase model to explain the female sexual response process, his explanation of the resolution stage suggests that he actually views the female sexual response process as cyclical, not linear. How to Achieve Female Orgasm Touch her body tenderly—romantic touches such as stroking her hair, kissing her forehead, or rubbing her feet can increase mental and physical arousal.This section will lay out Kerner’s techniques for how to get her aroused with foreplay, how to make her orgasm with cunnilingus, and how to continue the fun after she orgasms with after-play. Foreplay When your session is over, make sure to give your female partner proper aftercare. Whereas men are usually tired after orgasm and want to sleep, women want to maintain intimacy. To sustain and deepen your sexual relationship, spend 10-15 minutes cuddling or talking.

The entire clitoris actually goes from the top of the pubic bone all the way to the anus, and has a head, shaft, and base, among other parts. Some of it’s areas you can’t even see! Everything together makes up 8,000 nerve endings, which is more than anywhere else on the female body. In these blinks, we remedy this shortcoming and show you how cunnilingus is done, from cuddly foreplay to throbbing orgasm.

In addition to foreplay, there are two other stages of the sexual experience that will take your sex life to a whole new level. Forgotten the title or the author of a book? Our BookSleuth is specially designed for you. Visit BookSleuth Coreplay should be an uninterrupted process, but it can be broken down into stages so that it’s easier to understand. Kerner says sufficient foreplay should last at least 10-15 minutes, and you should wait until her arousal and anticipation have peaked before moving to cunnilingus. However, he notes that the typical indications of arousal like natural vaginal lubrication aren’t always accurate indicators—some women may get wet without being very aroused, and others may be very aroused but not very wet. To more accurately judge when to move to the next step, look for changes in her breathing pattern (like irregular breathing) and tightening of her abdominal muscles.