The Love Prescription: Seven Days to More Intimacy, Connection, and Joy

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JSG: One thing I would recommend is pay attention to all the times your partner might be saying, “Honey, would you do this? Would you please do that? Would you please go to the grocery store?” Just little things. Notice how many times you’re doing that, or your partner is doing that. And if your partner is asking you for something, try just saying, “Okay.” Just say, “Okay.” Just try that.

BB: Yes, and I think the mistake that we all make… Or let me say, the mistake that I make is thinking that we can extrapolate those answers from the freaking daily to-do list.

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Mental health challenges: Illnesses such as anxiety and depression directly impact a person's ability to regulate their moods, affecting emotional intelligence. A strong relationship, after all, is built on communication, so see it as your role to model appropriate, healthy expressions of emotions to your partner. #3: Help them communicate JSG: Yeah. That’s really true. It doesn’t have to lead to conflict. Even if you ask what your partner’s dream is for the next three years, and it’s your nightmare, first, you’ve got to understand, where is that dream coming from? BB: She is the author and co-author of many best-selling books, including Eight Dates, Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage, The Man’s Guide To Women, and Baby Makes Three. These folks are very serious. They talk like therapists. We can really understand what they’re saying, but their stuff is so grounded in data. Let me just start by saying this. They can predict, with 90% accuracy. This is based on work done in the Love Lab. They can predict with 90% accuracy whether a couple will stay together or not, and if the union will be a happy one. Just by observation, like how people talk to each other, how they engage with each other, how they relate to each other, 90% accuracy. And it’s a 15-minute observation. BB: So beautiful. But I have to say this, it’s vulnerable. It’s what you’re asking is really vulnerable. It feels really like… I think it’s very easy to be cynical about it, to laugh about it, to dismiss it, but it’s very vulnerable.

JSG: That is exactly right, Brené. When we show interest in who our partner is and how they are evolving over time, how their experience is changing them, by asking them big questions that say, “Who are you now? Now that you’ve been at the university for 10 years, how has that changed you? Now that you’ve gone through COVID for two years, how has that led to prioritizing or re-prioritizing your life?” And for the person who is hearing those questions, what they’re also hearing is, “I love you so much that I want to know you every minute, I want to know who you are, I want to know how history is changing you, I want to know the person I’m with here and now by asking those questions that are big.” Parenting can be hard. We all want to do right by our kids, but it’s easy to get lost in the moment. This book is a simple way to ground us, to force a reflection on the choices we’re making, and the ones we want to make. And it’s not just for dads.”–Emily Oster, bestselling author of Expecting Better and The Family Firm JSG: Right. What’s the history behind this? So, you don’t have to make any decisions when you ask big, open questions. JSG: And false and phony, “I don’t want to do this. This doesn’t feel like me.” Well, like you may be not working in the relationship, like you is something you’re wanting to change. Your partner may naturally struggle to identify their moods, but you can help them gain a better understanding of themselves by labeling their feelings. For example, if your partner has an angry outburst due to something that's happened at work, you can channel empathy and affirm their emotions, explaining why they're angry based on the circumstances. Final words

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JSG: Why is it so important to the other person? What’s the underlying purpose for having that dream honored? JG: So… Yeah, I see that tendency in myself too, Brené, where, I don’t want to bother. Why should I turn towards Julie’s bids? I’ve done enough, I want to read, I want to play the flute, I want to play the banjo, [laughter] and I stay in my own little world. Why should I look at my daughter’s garden? I want to read this novel and really this guy’s a good writer, I want to finish that Michael Connelly novel because I love Michael Connelly so much. But then I miss something, which is a real golden opportunity, and I keep myself isolated, I live more in a vacuum in my own mind, and that’s not good for me. Our comprehensive relationship assessment will pinpoint the areas in which you can achieve the greatest growth so you can move forward to a place of strength, reconnection, and hope.

You’re good friends. You have a satisfying sex life and make intimacy a priority. You share the same values and ethics, beliefs, rituals… and work towards some of the same goals. You can agree about what a home is, what love is, and how you want or IF you want to raise children. You honor each other’s dreams even if they’re different. You trust each other and you’re completely committed to making your relationship work. Because that’s exactly what you deserve! The astute guidance is straightforward without being obvious, and the authors excel at distilling sharp lessons from client stories. Couples should consider making this enlightening guide required reading.” It's valiant to want to help your partner improve their EQ. If they can do it, it will be beneficial both for your relationship and for their wellbeing. Time and time again, studies show that people with high EQs experience more fulfilling relationships, lowered stress levels and better professional success. BB:“We’re going to tell you to first go out and…” Well, you use an analogy of, “Make a mud pit and have some fun,” because you talk about a really uptight couple that was assigned to have a mud fight, which I loved. Wow, this is like… I as someone who works in leadership and organizational development, I know this like I know my name. It’s like, “Stop catching people doing things wrong and start catching people doing things right.” Because it’s so much better to compound those great behaviors by catching people doing things right, even when you’re using their strength to turn around another behavior. The astute guidance is straightforward without being obvious, and the authors excel at distilling sharp lessons from client stories. Couples should consider making this enlightening guide required reading.” —Publishers Weekly (starred review) About the Authors

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JSG: Yeah, that’s right. Because all you need are little tiny moments, small moments. Let me give you an example. One of our most powerful findings in our research that we translated into a chapter in this book, “Giving What You Can Do,” is what we call turning towards. Turning towards. JSG: Right, loneliness and negative feelings are much more powerful actually than positive feelings in their impact on us, right. So we have this resentment building inside of us, and then it’s time to talk about how we should parent our two-year-old, what’s the best way? Well, I’ve got so much resentment about my partner turning away from me that I don’t want to listen to them. I would feel like they haven’t listened to me, so why should I listen to them? So you start responding with hostility, with criticism, anger through the side door of yourself.