Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto

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He chastises people for "freaking out" over an STI, being sad that he doesn't want to date them, or honestly sharing about depression when the author wants to get laid. Unless you are a psychologist, it isn’t your place to tell people how to deal with their mental struggles and dare tell them not to burden others with said struggles. Having sex helped me unpack the structural systems that idealise an unhealthy masculinity, promote queerphobia, and perpetuate sex-negativity.I appreciated the open and honest manner in which Zane discusses the role of kink in queer sex and how easy it is for bedroom-related shame to seep into the everyday lives of LGBTQ+ folks: withdrawal, lashing out, difficulty trusting and fostering connection. While I agree that there should be much less shame when it comes to STIs, being careful is sensible and makes sense and I don't think we should be encouraging people to give up condoms. Firstly, I’m a huge proponent of reclaiming language meant to be negative and using it in empowering ways! Boyslut ‘is a series of personal and tantalizing essays articulating how our society still shames people for the sex they have and the sexualities they inhabit. This week we’ve invited sex and relationship columnist Zachary Zane to read to you from his painfully funny memoir, Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto.

A very frank, often insightful, frequently raunchy, occasionally eye-raising examination of sexual shame, particularly as it relates to men who have sex with men. I want to give bi people who have also struggled [advice on] how to respond, when to respond, and when not to respond.I’m able to talk to men in a way that they may be more open to listening to, just because I am a man… which is fucked up,” he admits, but a reality many are dealing with. This is one of the reasons I liked this book, it gave me view from different perspective that I really hadn’t given much thought. In fact, the only part I didn't love was that it read quite a lot like a self-help book (when a quote at the beginning implied it wasn't trying to be that) and that's not really for me.

Gender can be a useful framework for folks to feel validated (trans folks included) through the shorthand it provides. I can’t imagine how hard it it must’ve been to lay all this personal stuff out for the world to read. Most people probably know at least one man who suffers from “normative male alexithymia,” for example – the problem of not recognizing and being able to express one’s own feelings – and simply having that problem identified might start the process of undoing it. No, you once identified as bisexual because you thought it was more palatable than being “full-blown gay. In a book like this that people reach for often to try to connect in quite a vulnerable way (either to connect with the authors lived experience or to reach for a better understanding of their own identity through someone else’s experiences) this is such a flawed tone of voice to take.That circumstance is so unbelievably broad and to insist that someone “faked” a part of their journey to finding their true identity, rather than that identifying as bisexual at that time just because that’s what they truly felt at that stage in their life, is so unbelievably dangerous and frankly insulting to all involved. This is an extended advice column, that mostly rings the right bells; but in the end it's an extended advice column. this is mainly a manifesto about how everyone wants to sleep with zachary zane, with all the insights you’d expect from a successful cis white guy who thinks being bisexual makes him an authority on queer issues. If you want a wild, honest read by someone who is on a mission to help others overcome shame when it comes to pleasure and sex (and who can easily weave humor and education throughout) then add this to your TBR.

Boyslut is a series of personal and tantalizing essays that articulate how our society still shames people for the sex that they have and the sexualities that they inhabit. Learning about the discrimination and often times erasure the GAY community puts on bisexuals was alarming but eye opening I’m grateful for this insight and hope to be a better ally to bisexuals because of this book. Through the lens of his own bisexuality and self-described sluttiness, Zane breaks down exactly how this shame negatively impacts our sex and relationships.Of course this book contains many more situations and authors opinions and experiences, but as I noted above, not everyone might agree with these opinions, but you don’t have to. Hopefully people can look beyond that shock and find some of the great things Zane has to say about Shame, polyamory, sex positivity, and more.