No Spray, No Lay!: Poetry of the Looky Looky Man

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Here are the cliches of night culture. The girl who won’t listen to her bestie’s advice that she is too good for the boy she is desperately clinging on to. The girl who thinks she is too hot to handle and her frumpy pal who is along to make her look good. The sweaty ravers. And the lightweight who had too much pre-club drink and spends the night slumped in a cubicle. They put up with a lot, from tirades over the extortionate price of their moisturiser, to the woes of crying drunk girls. So next time you’re in the club toilets, spare the the attendant from your rowdiness. As far as I am aware, this list is absolutely comprehensive, which indicates exactly how constructive my life has been for the last two years. I dedicate it to the Toilet Men of London Town… Dobell and Dunning’s direction keeps the whole piece flowing, with the particularly successful placing of a set of hand basins, facing the audience where the mirror would be. The grey of the necessary cubicles is given a colourful graffiti makeover by @rango_edi and @painteranddecorator1.

Their familiar face, often greeting you with a look of complete disdain as you encourage them and those in the toilet to start yet another reprise of “freshen up your punani” fills you with warmth and a feeling of fellowship, making the toilet a better place to be.

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Invariably, you’ll find a poorly paid man who invites guests to wash their hands, provides soap and even turns the taps on and hands you paper towels. Quietly watching your every move, the toilet attendant knows you just hoisted those tights right up to to beneath your boobs. But hey, they aren’t there to judge. Hannah Childs is great fun as Laura, who is super-confident that everyone loves her and that she is the centre of all their worlds. Ruth Harris holds it all in, as her pal Jane – who largely seems to exist to hold Laura’s handbag.

No spray, no lay” – awesomely, they have even been known to do this to the theme of Hot Hot Hot (Ole ole, ole ole), culminating in “freshen up, up, up!”). Very little results, I did still succeed in pulling (despite apparently smelling like piss) but alas I did not succeed in convincing my conquest to leave for the night with me. It is rare to see performers who can provide genuine and sustained laughter, and ride it without ever succumbing to the temptation to talk across it. At hand with tampons and hair gel, these master entrepreneurs will barter until you’ve settled on an outrageous price for a few Polo mints, all the while passing you paper towels to dry the hands you’ve just vommed on.When it comes to accommodation in Scotland, there's a fantastic choice of amazing stays from luxury hotels to glamping getaways. The characters are all brought to life clearly and passionately by the cast, and all got their share of laughs from the audience. But though the vocal performances are uniformly strong, the energy of the performances doesn’t really translate to the choreography of the music, with even the numbers where the extra movement is character relevant not going as far as the other characters’ reactions seem to suggest. If you want to get involved in the world of tech, why not apply for the Vodafone Graduate Programme? Applications are open for September 2022 and more information can be found here. With their array of hair products and Chupa-Chup lollies, the benevolent toilet attendant waits to give you the spray you need to get your lay. The whole piece is great fun, performed with no little gusto and devilment, and oozes potential. There is plenty here to make the prospect of its development and return at EdFringe 2024 a welcome one.

No Spray No Lay has the potential to become the ultimate girls’ musical – boppy original tunes, an array of 2000s outfits, and a display of some of the most universal yet often private aspects of the female experience. One to keep a glitter-shadowed eye on!

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The creators have expressed their wish to take this to the Fringe and this very much suits the Fringe format with the running time, easily communicated concept, big gags and a cast of characters (and performers) one recognises and are happy to follow for one more night.

No Spray No Lay is a new original musical following the highs (some literal) and lows of a ladies’ club bathroom in 2005, complete with an all-female presenting cast, original bops and a sweaty glittery heap of nostalgia. The Welsh setting that is an integral part of the play is somewhat inconsistently evoked, but the direction of the piece (by Simpson again) is well considered and cleverly paced. There are undoubtedly some intriguing things about the play – not least the way that the dreaded undertaker who has set his cap at Matti is a definite presence despite remaining offstage. These lavatory attendants, as they are probably officially known, also offer a range of designer fragrances in the belief this may help male guests attract a mate for the night, and expect to be rewarded with a coin or two for their efforts. And they’re also supposed to make sure nobody does Class A drugs in the cubicles – unless you make friends with them in advance and offer them some. Apparently.In near constant support and billed simply as Sweaty Girls, Stacey Scott and Chiara Menozzi have a ball and provide many of the best comic lines – with Hassan feeding them with great timing – as the two regulars who are always on the verge of being barred; know where the naughty substances can be secured; and seem intent on bringing the dance floor into the toilets. The setting of the ladies toilet in a nightclub is not a new one, of course. Notably, Adura Onashile used it to great effect in her 2016 play Expensive Shit, set in nightclubs in Nigeria and Glasgow. Although more superficial in intent, No Spray No Lay has a similar ability to engage with gender dynamics, the perceptiveness with which it does so, certainly helps the comedy.