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Master Your Emotions: A Practical Guide to Overcome Negativity and Better Manage Your Feelings (Mastery Series Book 1)

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No one makes you feel “happy” or “angry”, it's based on how you're interpreting each situation in your life and the meaning you associate to it. More on that later. 4 Ways People Deal With Negative Emotion When you're experiencing this negative emotion or Action Signal, ask yourself, “What am I really feeling right now?” De Gelder, B., & Huis in ‘t Veld, E. (2016). Cultural differences in emotional expressions and body language. In J. Y. Chiao, S.-C. Li, R. Seligman, & R. Turner (Eds.), Oxford Library of Psychology. The Oxford handbook of cultural neuroscience (pp. 223–234). Oxford University Press. a) Ask yourself, “Is this really an appropriate emotion for me to feel in this situation?”“Am I really inadequate, or do I need to change my perception?” If so, then you need to find a way to do something better than you've done before. Accepting emotions as they come helps you get more comfortable with them. Increasing your comfort around intense emotions allows you to fully feel them without reacting in extreme, unhelpful ways.

Like with any other self-help book, this one will only be effective if the reader actually applies the ideas contained inside. Emotional intelligence is not fixed. Children can learn to identify and recognize their emotions and choose how they wish to respond to a positive or negative situation. Forming good habits As with the phases of the moon, how you feel at a certain moment in time isn't permanent and is bound to change.

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Here is an article if you are keen to assess your emotional intelligence and another excellent article providing you with skills to regulate your emotions. If you’re trying to get better at managing emotions, you might try downplaying your feelings to yourself. Message: We have expectations that has not been met. Or, there's been a loss of intimacy or trust. This is good, because it shows you have a big heart and care about your life.

People who can construct finely-grained emotional experiences go to the doctor less frequently, use medication less frequently, and spend fewer days hospitalized for illness. Message: Re-evaluate whats most important to you in this situation. May have unrealistic expectations of trying to deal with too many things at once, or trying to change things overnight. Grief happens when you feel like there's no empowering meaning, or your life is being negatively impacted by people, events, or forces that are outside of your control. After all, if clients wish to implement changes in their lives, it is vital to understand their emotions and whether their responses to events were logical or emotional. Ask them to: Recategorization of this kind can bring tangible benefits. People who recategorize anxiety as excitement show positive effects, with better performance and fewer classic symptoms of anxiety when speaking in public and when singing karaoke. Their sympathetic nervous system still creates the jittery butterflies, but with fewer of the proinflammatory cytokines that lower performance and generally make people feel bad, so they perform better. Studies have shown that remedial math students at community colleges can improve their exam grades and their final course grade through effective recategorization. Mindfully (with curiosity and openness) observe any emotions or bodily sensations that arise without engaging with them.

Download 3 Free Emotional Intelligence Tools Pack (PDF)

Say you’ve been seeing someone for a few months. You tried planning a date last week, but they said they didn’t have time. Yesterday, you texted again, saying, “I’d like to see you soon. Can you meet this week?” He’s an angry person”; “I’m a very anxious person.” We’ve all made statements like these. They point towards the belief that emotions are hardwired in our brains or automatically triggered by events. But after decades of research at Northeastern University, neuroscientist Lisa Feldman Barrett has come to a different conclusion: “Your brain’s most important job is not thinking or feeling or even seeing, but keeping your body alive and well so that you survive and thrive … How is your brain able to do this? Like a sophisticated fortune-teller, your brain constantly predicts. Its predictions ultimately become the emotions you experience and the expressions you perceive in other people.” (For an overview of her theory, watch her TED Talk. ) And that’s good news: Since our brain essentially constructs our emotions, we can teach it to label them more precisely and then use this detailed information to help us take the most appropriate actions — or none at all. Here, she explains how to do this. As well as deciphering your emotions, you must be able to approach them with confidence and learn how to handle them again in the future. Talking through problems out loud with a friend, family member, therapist, or even when alone not only helps us see things differently, it also gives us time and focus to use logic and perspective, leading to:

Shapiro, S. L. (2020). Rewire your mind: Discover the science + practice of mindfulness. London, UK: Aster. Peter brings years of experience as a consultant psychiatrist specializing in the functioning of the human mind. After all, each emotion has value. However, we should be able to maintain control over the behavior that it results in and keep balance in our lives. There are times to be angry, as there are times to be happy.

A Take-Home Message

As someone who, at times, feels powerless in the face of their feelings, I can relate to this. Mostly motivated by anxiety or apprehension, I reasoned that I should give this book a try.

Alongside each, write down supportive, compassionate statements you could say to yourself or a friend, for example: By coming up with your own emotion concepts, you’ll be better calibrated to cope with different circumstances and potentially more empathic to others. Geddes, L. (2015). Self-mastery can be yours with three pillars of emotional wisdom. Retrieved September 22, 2020, from https://www.newscientist.com/article/mg22930540-800-self-mastery-can-be-yours-with-three-pillars-of-emotional-wisdom/. A study including participants from 46 countries concluded that while influenced by cultural values (individualism and survival/self-expression), experiencing positive emotions was more critical to increased life satisfaction than reducing negative emotions (Kuppens, Realo, & Diener, 2008). As the felt response to a given situation, emotions play a key part in your reactions. When you’re in tune with them, you have access to important knowledge that helps with:

d) Realize the situation isn't over yet and develop more patience. Re-evaluate what you want and develop a more effective plan. Remember, you always have a choice when it comes to mastering your emotions and it all begins with the steps you take now. DECODING THE ACTION SIGNALS

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