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Never Get Angry Again: The Foolproof Way to Stay Calm and in Control in Any Conversation or Situation

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I was already becoming turned off when the book started talking about "mazel" and how all the challenging situations in your life are your destiny because they're needed for your development, and then I hit the super-religious chapter about trusting in God... I'm sure that is useful to some readers, but not to me. There's no magical force of fate that deliberately matches you up with challenges designed to promote your personal development, and I don't believe in a higher being so there's nothing there to trust. It is often our beliefs about others behaviors and what they mean that drive our anger. We may conclude that we are not worthy of love and fear being rejected and alone. Lieberman writes, “When we routinely succumb to immediate gratification or live to protect and project an image, we become angry with ourselves and ultimately feel empty inside.” Let’s look at this another way: Have you ever tried to have a pleasant conversation with someone you didn’t like? Or to spend an hour or entire day with someone who gets on your nerves? It’s almost painful. What if you lived with that person—and that person happened to be you? Everything in life is draining for the person who doesn’t like who he has become. It’s like working for a boss we despise; even the most minor task triggers annoyance. Would we work hard for or invest in—let alone love and respect—an ungrateful, out-of-control person? You might try to quiet or distract him with pointless pursuits or endless entertainment, or even help him to get lost in a haze of abusive behaviors—as long as you don’t have to face him, much less help him.

Depression and loneliness. As you reflect on your loss, you may start to feel depressed or lonely. It is in this stage in grieving that you begin to truly realize the reality of your loss. Renowned psychologist Dr. Nathaniel Branden wrote about a woman he once treated who grew up thinking she was “bad” and undeserving of kindness, respect, or happiness. Predictably, she married a man who “knew” he was unlovable and felt consumed by self-hatred. He protected himself by acting cruelly toward others before they could be cruel to him. She didn’t complain about his abuse because she “knew” that abuse was her destiny. He wasn’t surprised by her increasing withdrawal and remoteness from him, because he “knew” no one could ever love him. They endured twenty years of torture together, proving how right they were about themselves and about life.3

Cassidy J, Jones JD, Shaver PR. Contributions of attachment theory and research: a framework for future research, translation, and policy. Dev Psychopathol. 2013;25(4 Pt 2):1415–1434. doi:10.1017/S0954579413000692

Never Get Angry Again is New York Times and internationally bestselling author David J. Lieberman's comprehensive, holistic look at the underlying emotional, physical, and spiritual causes of anger, and a practical guide to what the reader can do to gain perspective. Ever wish you could win people over to your point of view, no matter how crazy your idea? You can, with these [tools] to successful persuasion.” ― Self magazine on Get Anyone to do Anything

An essential instruction manual for anger management, but also a detailed work on how to get along with other people." — Library Journal (starred review) You’ve probably heard all of these anger management techniques and more from friends, family, and experts, but somehow they miss the mark when it comes to coping with the complex emotion of anger. In his new book, Never Get Angry Again: The Foolproof Way To Stay Calm and Cool In Any Conversation or Situation, Lieberman, who is also the author of Get Anyone To Do Anything and Never Be Lied To Again, explains that by recognizing the underlying reasons we get angry, we can learn how to utilize our innate neuroplasticity to rewire our brains toward a state of calm.

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