This Isn't Going to End Well: The True Story of a Man I Thought I Knew

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What a talent, what a career, what a life, and what a treat to relive it all with this most down-to-earth of demigods. Daniel Wallace's first foray into nonfiction is a memoir dedicated to his brother-in-law, fellow author, and complete idol William Nealy. Wallace traces their intertwined lives from their first meeting in 1971 through William's suicide in 2001, and Wallace's own reconciliation with this fact in 2019. Wallace writes about the man he admired so much, the man he modeled his own life after, who influenced so many decisions Wallace himself made in his life, not least of which was to become a novelist. And then he writes about Nealy's death and the aftermath that rippled through he own life, and the twenty years it took for him to understand what happens when heroes die and become flawed humans all over again. Wallace’s easy writing style is easy to read. His real feeling for Nealy is palpable. The man he emulated, on the outside was rough-hewn, but on the inside, he was angel-smooth. He was gentle, helpful, and so very compassionate, but he was also dangerous, because he was an impulsive risk-taker. He abused drugs and Having lost someone to suicide, I do know it's painful. But I also know that many live with inner demons that urge them to take action. And sometimes those demons are not on the inside. Neither here nor there but compassion is something all humans have, or should have, inside. Suicidal people don't care how much they're going to be missed; they just want to end a pain that feels all-encompassing.***

In THIS ISN’T GOING TO END WELL, Daniel Wallace (BIG FISH) scours his memory, letters, and William’s journal to make sense of something senseless, in the process learning about parts of William that were secreted under layers of defenses. The result is a searing, beautiful memoir about the author and the larger-than-life character who influenced him so greatly. It’s a vulnerable and revealing portrait of male friendship and the complicated mix of grief and anger that coexist after a loved one dies by suicide. His work has been published in over two dozen languages, and his stories, novels and non-fiction essays are taught in high schools and colleges throughout this country. His illustrations have appeared in the Los Angeles Times, Italian Vanity Fair, and many other magazines and books, including Pep Talks, Warnings, and Screeds: Indispensible Wisdom and Cautionary Advice for Writers, by George Singleton, and Adventures in Pen Land: One Writer's Journey from Inklings to Ink, by Marianne Gingher. Big Fish was made into a motion picture of the same name by Tim Burton in 2003, a film in which the author plays the part of a professor at Auburn University. Lastly, I have to express some astonishment that a writer older than me is surprised that a man was not who he thought he was. If you dig deep enough, no one is. Daniel Wallace is author of five novels, including Big Fish (1998), Ray in Reverse (2000), The Watermelon King (2003), Mr. Sebastian and the Negro Magician (2007), and most recently The Kings and Queens of Roam (2013).Caveat: I have not nor will I finish this book. I'm 3/4 of the way through, maybe more, but the reading for me is challenging because my opinions/experience/feelings are not changing. And, unfortunately, I'm frankly bored. Maybe there's something titillating as a reviewer suggested, but if it hasn't occurred by this point, it's moot. With his first memoir, acclaimed writer Daniel Wallace delivers a stunning book that is as innovative and emotionally resonant as his novels. Part love story, part true crime, part a desperate search for the self, This Isn’t Going to End Well tells an intimate and moving story of what happens when we realize our heroes are human.

While "This Isn't Going to End Well" feels like a series of essays that are all supposed to be about Wallace's brother-in-law, William Nealy, they are as much about Wallace, his obsession with Nealy, and some seemingly un-self-aware observations. When an individual suggested early on that they would not participate in an interview to add to the author's advancement, I didn't see any flag but now wonder. How is it acceptable to take a deceased individual's journals and use them as a prop for the latter half of your book when you've already decided that he was unworthy because he committed suicide and left your sister in need? Perhaps there's a revelation near the end. Or perhaps not. Stories about artists and their creations are always interesting to me - how does the sausage get made, and what unpleasant byproducts are we left with?But when William took his own life at age forty eight, Daniel’s heartbreak led him to commit a grievous act of his own, a betrayal that took him down a path into the tortured recesses of William’s past. Eventually a new picture emerged of a man with too many secrets and too much shame to bear.