Living with the Dominator

Product Information

The programme, when provided as an intensive two day course, is also suitable for men, whether abusive and wishing to change their attitudes and behaviour or whether victims of same sex domestic abuse themselves. As it is a rolling programme you can start the programme at any point and can catch up on any missed sessions when they are repeated.

I have known Sharon for 6 years and have had the pleasure of working alongside her when I chaired the Westminster MARAC. Sharon is a committed, empathetic supporter of women who are or have experienced domestic abuse. She regularly goes the extra m.. However... it is quite outdated and although learning about all the tactics was useful, I felt that the content could have included work on the self and the survivors identity as well as boosting self esteem and confidence, rather that centering around the perpetrator. I was fortunate to have had Sharon as my support worker after 17 years of domestic violence and 4 children that had witnessed and gone through it with me. I was finally strong enough to stand up and protect myself and my children. Without Sharon’s .. perpetrators’ of violence against women and children. For two years I sat among groups of men who had injured, raped or killed their victims. I realised that abusive men use a range of tactics to control women I was fortunate enough to meet and work with Sharon when she was the Advocacy Manager at Woman’s Trust and I was working for Westminster City Council. During this time Sharon developed and managed the Independent Domestic Violence Advocacy Service..I have produced this manual in response to requests from hundreds of practitioners who have asked for a different approach to working with men who use violence against women. The new Facilitator’s Manual is now available. It is in a simpler style and is designed to be used in conjunction with 'Living with the Dominator'. I am Pat Craven a former probation officer who ran perpetrator programmes for Merseyside Probation Service in the UK between 1996 and 1998. I concluded that the programmes could have been much more successful if they were run in a different style and by a different agency which was not subjected to the same constraints as a statutory body. The programme usually lasts for 11 or 12 weeks and is FREE. It provided by hundreds of agencies across the UK. Some of them are rolling so women can join at any time but this varies according to local needs, etc. The Freedom Programme Home Study Course’. This workbook makes the Freedom Programme even more accessible,

If attending our face to face sessions you will receive a free copy of ‘Living With The Dominator’ and a copy of The Home Study Workbook which is a supplement to ‘Living With The Dominator’. I also realised that abusive men do not understand their own behaviour. They do not realise that they decide to use violence when they realise that their other tactics are failing. The ‘Rules of the Game’ are the beliefs of The Dominator. This is how he expects women to behave! It is also how he thinks he should be able to behave! The Dominator has hundreds of ‘rules’. Lets look at a few of them: Women should be responsible for all childcare’ – moans when he has to ‘babysit’! Threatens to take the children away.Without the support and constant reassurance of Sharon, I know for a fact that I wouldn’t be where I am today. I am forever grateful to her. She is extremely dedicated and knowledgeable, having her on my side when dealing with someone as persistent.. A woman should provide services and act as an unpaid servant’ – does nothing around the house to help, Burn everything he cooks. A woman should never be allowed to leave or end a relationship, no matter how abusive or violent it is. To introduce women to community resources such as Women's Aid, the Police Domestic Violence Unit, The Rape and Sexual Abuse Centre, local Colleges etc.

If we look at this cycle, we can see that at no point is The Dominator actually angry or out of control. He is choosing his behaviour and is in total control of what he is doing and saying! To anyone who is recovering from domestic abuse and violence, from someone who thought that I was going to stay living in the spoils and with trauma alone for the rest of my life...please, please look for a local group who use the Freedom Programme. Thank you so much for all the support you have given me. You really have been amazing, and to be honest, I wouldn’t have been able to cope with Child Protection without you. The amount of strength you have given me is totally priceless, even with..

One of our facilitators has been playing one of the animations to the women on her programme every week at the end of each session. Another uses them at the beginning as a 'warm up' to help to make the session run smoothly. Another of our facilitators uses them for her Freedom Programme for women with learning disabilities. If you're reading this and think, "it was ages ago", "I won't gain anything by talking about it", "it wasn't *that* bad".... please just give it a go. You have nothing to lose by trying. I thought all those things too but have now completed the course, created great friendships and am onto the next phase in the process. We have recently commissioned the wonderful Offshoot Film Company to animate the entire Freedom Programme. I am the author Pat Craven. When I was a Probation Officer I ran courses for male 'perpetrators’ of violence against women and children. For two years I sat among groups of men who had injured, raped or killed their victims. I realised that abusive men use a range of tactics to control women.

I listened to everything they said and became determined to impart this information to the people who had no understanding of such violence. This included other ‘professionals’ and the women and girls whose lives could be changed or even saved if they were just given this vital information. Attending a programme with other women going through the same situation offers confirmation of what is happening, as it can all be very confusing. And the strength of the staff and information shared in an upbeat positive way is amazing. " It’s quite a hard read at times especially if you’ve been through mental abuse but please persist. This situations really happen. Women should stay at home and not have a life of their own’ – isolates us from our family/friends, stops us from working.For that reason - I think this book didn’t go into enough detail for me. Whilst the book does touch on affects of violence on children, I would have liked this part to be lengthier and what was written wasn’t relevant to me. If The Dominator wishes to change his behaviour, he needs to change his beliefs about women. He needs to change the RULES OF THE GAME! I did the Freedom programme during a work placement at a refuge. I think it has good and bad points to be honest. It is really good for showing victims the different tactics used by perpetrators as well as the effects on victims and children. The weekly groups also help give a mutual support system to the survivors.