The Best Ever Book of Psychic Jokes

Product Information

A psychic goes into a store. The shop employee hands her a sweater in size large, and she says it's too big. The employee asks how she knows without trying it on. The psychic replies, I'm a medium. Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera. I was in a job interview the other day and they asked if I could perform under pressure. I said no, but I could perform Bohemian Rhapsody. A cop stopped me for speeding. He said, ‘Why were you going so fast?’ I said, ‘See this thing my foot is on? It’s called an accelerator. When you push down on it, it sends more gas to the engine. The whole car just takes right off. And see this thing? This steers it.’” – Steven Wright

Psychic Jokes - Joke Buddha Psychic Jokes - Joke Buddha

I was playing chess with my friend and he said, “Let’s make this interesting.” So we stopped playing chess. Here are 200 of our favorite dad jokes, separated into several distinct categories for any dad-amusing situation. Make your father laugh today. Punny Dad Jokes

🍪 Privacy & Transparency

I was going 70 miles an hour and got stopped by a cop who said, “Do you know the speed limit is 55 miles per hour?” “Yes, officer, but I wasn’t going to be out that long…” – Steven Wright I own a pencil that used to be owned by William Shakespeare, but he chewed it a lot. Now I can’t tell if it’s 2B or not 2B. upvotes Follow Unfollow 1 year ago Dots Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017 upvotes Follow Unfollow 6 months ago Dots Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Jokes - Psychic Jokes Fortune Teller Jokes - Psychic Jokes

Are Dad jokes good for you? Inarguably. Recent studies have shown that a good dose of humor, however groan-worthy, can lower your risk of cardiovascular illness, increase your body's ability to fight pain and prevent disease, and even help you live longer. Yes, fine, it didn’t help my dad live longer, but I know for a fact that he was laughing on the last day of his life, and that seems like the best possible way to leave this mortal coil. If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery…I’ll kill him with my bear hands. Today, I dialed the wrong number… The other person said, ‘Hello?’ and I said, ‘Hello, could I speak to Joey?’… They said, ‘Uh… I don’t think so…he’s only 2 months old.’ I said, “I’ll wait.’” – Steven Wright

The difference between a numerator and a denominator is a short line… Only a fraction of people will understand this! Laughter has many benefits for your physical and mental health. It can improve your mood, help you cope with stress, and even boost your immune system. Why'd the alternate universe Spider-Man do so well on his driving test? He's an excellent parallel Parker. I tried to explain to my 4-year-old son that it’s perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. But he’s still making fun of me.