Friendaholic: Confessions of a Friendship Addict

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This position may be horribly wrong for some people but it was noted down in the 80's so I'm sure its simple summary has since been superseded but it highlights the fact that if Day had just done a little bit more research she may have been able to really shed some light on male-to-male friendships and by way of contrast female-to-female friendships, and then friendship in general. I really enjoyed this exploration into the value of friendships. As a bit of a friendaholic in my past too, there was a lot here I could relate too - anxious attachment style, need to feel loved and valued and fear of rejection. I, like Elizabeth, felt that quantity somehow reflected on my own self worth, and more friends would stave off the residual fear that adolescent bullying left me with. There was nothing in this book that was new to me but I enjoyed the opportunity to reflect on my own friendships. Day notes that most of her lasting friendships were '...sparked not by a shared hobby but by an initial frisson of kindred feeling.' It's the same for me and I always think of the Anne's (of Green Gables) definition of a 'kindred spirit' when I think of my very closest friends. A book about Elizabeth’s infertility (trigger warning!!!) thinly veiled as a book about friendship.

Friendaholic: Confessions of a Friendship Addict

I related to it so much and believe if every adult read this, we could all be experiencing more honest, deeper connections. It was also, though, just comforting and funny to read! What makes a ‘best friend’? According to a study quoted by the author, the label is defined as involving ‘a high degree of attachment, intimate exchange and support’ - and the researchers found that people with best friends ‘tended to have lower social anxiety, an increased sense of self-worth and fewer symptoms of depression… The label of ‘best friend’ did not have to be mutual to both parties and nor did participants have to name the same person at different stages. Crucially, it seemed to be quality not quantity that had the most impact’. This book speaks my soul. Love every word in this book and really feel like I learnt things about myself and what makes friendships my most favourite thing. As a society, there is a tendency to elevate romantic love. But what about friendships? Aren't they just as – if not more – important? So why is it hard to find the right words to express what these uniquely complex bonds mean to us? In Friendaholic: Confessions of a Friendship Addict, Elizabeth Day embarks on a journey to answer these questions." Ja hmm…. had er toch echt meer van verwacht! Op sommige delen interessant maar het bleek gewoon echt meer een boek te zijn over haar vriendschappen in plaats van vriendschappen in het algemeen, ik mis toch gewoon de wetenschap een beetje (ook al probeert ze die erbij te halen maar vaak veel te kort). En vooral in het eerste deel vond ik de auteur gewoon nogal onzeker?? Misschien omdat ik precies het tegenovergestelde ben maar girly je kan gewoon nee zeggen tegen mensen en grenzen stellen?In other words, we can't choose our family but we can choose our friends. One of Day's close friends grew up in very difficult family circumstances and stated that friendships were vital for her because they provided a way to '...understand that you can be loved in a different way outside of your family.' I was most interested in the chapters dealing with Friendship and Fertility. Personally, I have also dealt with fertility issues and am childless. I felt I lost friends when they became parents. Other friends avoid all discussions of pregnancy or children around me. Assumable as they do not know what to say around me. So, in the book, I loved reading about another woman's experiences in a similar situation. Suddenly, I felt seen! I realised that I wasn't paranoid and that my fertility issues affected my friendships. An astute analysis of what it means to be a friend, as well as a poignant discussion of what friendship means specifically to the text's author Elizabeth Day. It surveyed over 10,000 people across the world and found that the average age for meeting a best friend was twenty-one. The cultural perception of what a best friend was, and how many one should have, varied across countries. In India, the Middle East and Southeast Asia, people reported having three times the number of best friends as those in Australia, Europe and the US. Saudi Arabians had the highest average number of best friends at 6.6, while Britons had the lowest at 2.6. Americans are most likely to report having only one best friend. Fourteen percent had no best friend at all."

Elizabeth Day is not your friend - New Statesman

I spent a lot of my time reading this book and thinking "Yes that happened to me" or "OMG that's me" or "I do/did that", so I feel it's a sign of a good book when so much of it relates or I feel seen.As a society, there is a tendency to elevate romantic love. But what about friendships? Aren't they just as – if not more – important? So why is it hard to find the right words to express what these uniquely complex bonds mean to us? In Friendaholic: Confessions of a Friendship Addict, Elizabeth Day embarks on a journey to answer these questions. Friendship, particularly from a woman's perspective, is a fascinating relationship dynamic and as many of us have, I've been through a journey as I get older on how I value or measure friendship. It seems like a sad indictment of society that we even need to try and analyse friendships but the author sums it up herself….”We don’t have the terminology and until we sneak it into existence, it is difficult to express what we mean with any precision”