Smart Love: The Comprehensive Guide to Understanding, Regulating and Enjoying Your Child

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We cannot overemphasize that your crying infant is not trying to manipulate you, and that responding lovingly will build rather than corrupt his character. Manipulation is a word that never applies to babies. Crying is the child’s way of expressing misery at feeling both overwhelmed and also incapable of eliciting your loving assistance. Crying is not a calculated act. Anger or withdrawal on your part convinces the child that he is unattractive to you (and, therefore, to himself) when he is unhappy. The child whose tears evoke parents anger or seeming indifference grows into the adult who compounds everyday sadness and disappointment by feeling unlovable when he is unhappy. Remember that you are the source of your young child’s greatest happiness. If you freely supply your loving attention, your child gains a storehouse of well-being that will last a lifetime and see him through every disappointment and frustration. Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the secret of lasting intimate relationships, largely because it makes us extremely aware of the changes—large and small—that are constantly occurring in ourselves and others. By building your EQ, you’ll have the sensitivity that each of us is always seeking in a significant other. You’ll automatically sense, through active awareness and empathy, the little shifts in the dynamics of your romance that signal a need for action.

Parents can usually find ways of soothing their infant when daily care causes distress. For example, bathing a newborn can be upsetting for the child. Many infants do not like the feeling of being lowered naked into water. The smart love principle is to try to keep your baby as happy as possible. There is no reason to give your baby a true bath until he is old enough to enjoy it. Premoisturized cleansing tissues or a well-wrung washcloth applied to face and bottom will provide acceptable hygiene without upsetting your baby unnecessarily. You Can’t Spoil Your Child with the Right Kind of Attention Online dating has strengthened mathematics’ role in the search for love, not only in serving up seemingly infinite potential partners, but in using algorithms to sift through them. As it is increasingly accepted that there is no perfect one for each of us, the numbers are on our side – but that doesn’t mean the search is easy.

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If you come across as perpetually unhappy with your child, always acting tough and talking negatively, then your child will expect and want that unhappiness–and will do whatever it takes to get more of it. Do not teach your child to seek unhappiness. I am surprised to learn that he has only been on seven or eight dates since doing Drake’s equation a few years ago. Maybe his mum was right when, on seeing his formula, she told him he was being ridiculous, and “to go out and meet people”. Since the pandemic, sexual empowerment has increased 30 percent and sexual self-esteem now is 50 percent higher. Why the change, and is this good? Searah Deysach, a sex educator and owner of Early to Bed and Trans Essentials, answered those questions and many more in my recent Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast.

If it’s more than infatuation or lust, a benefit will be felt in other parts of your life and in other relationships. Ask yourself these high-EQ questions:Many experts recommend that parents let their children and adolescents experience the “natural consequences” of their immaturity or willfulness. The smart love perspective is that when you stand by and let bad things happen, your child experiences the twin disappointments that something went wrong and that you did not seem to care enough about her to lift a finger to help prevent the mishap. The “natural consequences” approach is really a form of punishment. Children are never fooled into thinking that you had nothing to do with the unpleasant outcome.