Good Inside: The new Sunday Times bestselling gentle parenting guide for fans of Philippa Perry

Product Information

The early years matter because long before a child has conscious memory, they store memory in their bodies. They recognize the people in their lives who make them feel safe and loved. They form attachments and connections. Paradoxically, the more secure they feel with a parent, the freer they feel to be curious, explore, and push boundaries. I have found myself asking this question, or at least trying to remember to ask myself this question, before I respond or react. Asking this question immediately changes our posture from accusatory to one of empathy and listening. Seeking fairness in a family dynamic actually leads to big problems. When you focus on equality, and not equity of need, you raise a bunch of bean counters that obsess about what their siblings have received. You set them up for disimpassioned entitlement. I want to take a moment and talk about what happens when clinical psychologists write parenting books. Thomas Boyce posits the theory that most kids are dandelions and will do well no matter where they grow. But some kids are orchids. If they don’t get hothouse attention, they will have terrible outcomes.

Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming - OceanofPDF [PDF] [EPUB] Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming - OceanofPDF

In summary, I think every parent should read this book. This review really only scratches the surface. Every time I opened the book to reference for this post, I’d find something else I wanted to include. I had to finally just cut myself off, lol! Tantrums can actually be good because they teach children to advocate for themselves. They are just a tsunami of unregulated emotion. Containment is key during a tantrum, not engaging with logic. You contain and connect and then talk once talk once the tantrum has passed. Name the wish underneath the tantrum which helps with immediate connection. Remember these words during an unsafe tantrum “I won’t let you…” because it gives them the boundaries that they are seeking. When you see a child hesitate to join the group, that’s actually a good thing. They’re trying to understand what’s going on before jumping in. You can help your child by talking about something big beforehand or by sitting with them through their hesitancy and answering any questions they may have. Don’t push them into a situation they don’t feel comfortable with. In the end, you want them to be able to trust their feelings, and that won’t happen if you tell them their feelings are wrong by pushing them into something they don’t want to do.

But as stated before, if you’re past the early years wondering if it’s too late, it’s not. The brain has neuroplasticity – which is the ability to rewire based on new information. If you have past situations you aren’t proud of, you and your child can rewrite the ending through a process called repair. From this perspective, the author offers tangible examples and scenarios to help parents interact with their children in more helpful ways. Embrace the multiplicity of your roles as a parent. You can be fun and authoritative at the same time. You should be many things at once for your child. Understand when your child is having an unformulated experience (like listening to a vacuum for the first time and not knowing what its purpose is and being afraid). You would never dismiss an adult’s feelings of fear and anxiety so why is it normalized to do this with a child? Their feelings and thoughts are just as real and go unregulated meaning they are in even more need of compassion and connection constantly. Jo dziļāku saikni mēs jūtam ar kādu, jo gatavāki esam izpildīt šī cilvēka prasības. Būtībā klausīšana ir kā attiecību stipruma barometrs. Tāpēc, kad bērni mūs neklausa, ir ļoti svarīgi šīs grūtības uztvert nevis kā problēmu ar bērnu, bet gan kā jūsu savstarpējo attiecību sarežģījumu. Ja bērns jūs ignorē vai reti klausa jūsu lūgumiem, viņš bez vārdiem cenšas pateikt, ka jūsu attiecībām ir nepieciešamas papildu rūpes un mīlestība. Building connections is an ongoing process. This isn’t a fix-it-and-forget-it situation. Connections need to be established, maintained, and grown.

Good Inside: A Practical Guide to Becoming the Parent You Good Inside: A Practical Guide to Becoming the Parent You

The rationale behind this is pseudoscientific babble. Kids cannot regulate their emotions well (fact). Therefore, you need to help them (okay). And if you don’t do it the right way, the kid will grow up emotionally unhealthy and be unable to have functional adult relationships (whaaaat…?!).

One of the ways you can do that is with deliberate one-on-one time without your cell phone. You don’t need to take a week off screens or shut off your internet. Just make it a point to have regular moments where your children see you put your phone away and focus on them.