Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are

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Good Boundaries and Goodbyes is not the kind of book one necessarily goes out of their way to read for entertainment or enjoyment. It is for someone going through a hard time looking for answers. I was not in such a situation while reading it. I went into this book to see what was so significant about it. Simply put, I did not find it enjoyable because it is not designed to be an enjoyable read. Despite this not being the book's goal, others will still find it incredibly helpful. Boundaries and goodbyes aren’t easy, but they’re your responsibility. Love is free to go on forever, but access to your heart or your life should only be given to those who treat that access with responsibility. So, set boundaries to keep yourself whole and protect your relationships. And if the time comes that the boundaries are no longer enough, understand that goodbyes are a part of life. Lysa TerKeurst understands this dance with dysfunction and wants to be your insightful, compassionate friend who will teach you that it isn't unloving to set a boundary, and it isn't unchristian to say goodbye. You'll be relieved to learn that boundaries aren't just a good idea, they're a God idea. My wife and I are both avid readers, constantly adding new books to our shelves. Whenever my wife adds a new book, I typically add it to my reading list. Recently, my wife added Good Boundaries and Goodbyes by Lysa Terkeurst to our shelves, so I naturally added it to my list of books to read. I was surprised to find it so highly rated and decided to read it sooner rather than later. It was my first time reading a book by Terkeurst. It was my first time learning about Terkeurst herself and why she is a well-known author. So, I didn't know what to expect. You've listened to all the advice. But you're beginning to realize that if the other person doesn't want to change what's broken in the relationship, you can't change it on your own. So now what?

Good Boundaries and Goodbyes| Proverbs 31 Online Bible Studies Good Boundaries and Goodbyes| Proverbs 31 Online Bible Studies

If we want to be a good spouse, friend, co-worker, daughter, sister, or neighbor, it’s not by being another person’s savior. Here are a few phrases/sentences that completely altered my state of thinking and helped me further combat the ever life debilitating tendency of people-pleasing that I have struggled with for so long: Be equipped to say goodbye without guilt when a relationship has shifted from difficult to destructive and is no longer sustainable.Good Boundaries and Goodbyes explores how people can have healthier relationships by establishing relational boundaries with their partners, family, and friends. Partway through reading the book, I learned that the author was writing from the experience of her painful divorce. Reading through this lens, I saw how Terkeurst uses the pain from her experience to help people develop more meaningful relationships. Her main message is that proper boundaries help a person discern whether a relationship is helpful or harmful - if harmful, she then discusses the importance of letting go. Through boundaries, a person invites others to choose between loving them by respecting the boundaries or harming them further; those who continue hurting the relationship effectively choose ending it. In Terkeurst’s words, “Boundaries protect the right kind of love and help prevent dysfunction from destroying that love. Boundaries help us say what needs to be said, do what needs to be done, and establish what is and isn’t acceptable.” The point of Good Boundaries and Goodbyes is to teach the reader that it is necessary to develop boundaries with one’s closest relationships. Stop being misled and emotionally paralyzed by wrongly interpreted or weaponized scriptures that perpetuate unhealthy dynamics in difficult relationships

Good Boundaries and Goodbyes summary - Blinkist Good Boundaries and Goodbyes summary - Blinkist

It's good to have healthy boundaries, but the world takes that to extremes. Jesus is our example. He died for the very people who would betray Him. He died for me. I disappoint Him daily. What if He just cut me off?? Am I really supposed to do that so easily with others?! Is it unloving or selfish to set a boundary? Are Christians ever called to walk away from a relationship that’s no longer safe or sustainable? Lysa TerKeurst deeply understands these hard questions in the midst of relational struggles.It feels like it's written to a very niche audience (wives struggling to draw boundaries in regard to their repeatedly unfaithful husbands), but marketed to a much broader audience. Overcome the frustrating cycle of ineffective boundary-setting with realistic scripts and practical strategies to help you communicate, keep, and implement healthier patterns. It’s my responsibility not to let another’s personal actions and expectations wear me down to the worst version of myself.” Determine the appropriate amount of personal and emotional access someone has to you based on how responsible they'll be with that access. And you also have to see yourself as being just as sufficient for God’s love as other people are. If you’re giving too much in your relationships because you believe it’s the Christian thing to do, you’re not alone in your misunderstanding of Christ’s command to forgive – more on that in a little while.

Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing

Christians should read it with a strong commitment to their marriage, especially if they are in crisis. Her honesty, authenticity and writing style make you feel like you know her personally and are just having a conversation with her.

Number-one New York Times bestselling author Lysa TerKeurst helps readers stop the dysfunction of unhealthy relationships by showing them biblical ways to set boundaries--and, when necessary, say goodbye--without losing the best of who they are. As a Christian, you’re called to forgive. And that calling can seem like it’s in conflict with ending relationships. But remember, your relationship with God isn’t unconditional. It depends on your obedience. He’ll always love you, but unless you follow him, you won’t live in eternity with him. That’s the ultimate goodbye. I don't know how to rate this book, so here's my thoughts after having read the first ~70% and skimming the rest. Stop being misled and emotionally paralyzed by wrongly interpreted or weaponized scriptures that perpetuate unhealthy dynamics in difficult relationships.

Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing

As a whole, this book is okay. Some readers may find it incredibly empowering, but others - including myself - would get more out of other books on the same topic. I would only recommend this book to its target audience; for all others, I recommend Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend, which covers the same material, but from a more logically driven perspective. Terkeurst’s book feels tailored to processing emotions and developing/maintaining close relationships (or letting them go). Cloud and Townsend write in a more instructional manner, first explaining what boundaries are, why they are important, and how they can be used as tools. I do not think Terkeurst is a poor author by any means, but she has a specific target audience in mind as she writes this book, and those outside of that group are less likely to be impacted by her words. Terkeurst’s book is highly respectful of her faith and people. As a Christian author, Terkeurst constantly finds ways to work-in respect for God; this may turn away some readers, but this is perfectly acceptable for her target audience. Additionally, despite her experience, Terkeurst does not talk about people, spouses, or those who hurt her in a disrespectful way. Instead, she expresses hope that those who cause harm grow and find emotional healing. I came out of this book feeling hopeful for myself and others, and I think most other readers will have a similar experience. To better understand what a good boundary is, let’s first think about what it isn’t. It isn’t a way to perfect someone, enforce your judgment on someone, or punish someone. Boundary setting shouldn’t be done out of resentment or passive aggression. Determine the appropriate amount of personal and emotional access someone has to you based on how responsible they'll be with that accessI thank God for leading me to Good Boundaries and Goodbyes at this exact time in my life and felt Him speaking to me through Lysa's writing. I'm sure many other women in similar circumstances will feel the same. I also got the sense from this book that Terkeurst is here to fight for her readers and their well-being. Early on, she states, “This isn’t a book about leaving people. It’s a book about loving people in the right and healthy ways. And it’s about communicating appropriate boundaries and parameters so that love can stay safe and sustainable.” Terkeurst does suggest that a person leave those who refuse to respect their boundaries, but this is a last resort. But overall, she encourages her readers to see worth in themselves and to fight for their relationships in healthy ways.