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Grief is not a fleeting emotional experience. It's not a blip on the radar. It's not something that a person 'gets over' or 'recovers' from.The impact of a loved one's death leaves such a mark that one never fully heals. As long as you have scars left by you loved one's death and as long as you continue to love, remember, and miss them, you will always grieve on some level. Over time you realise the path has grown wider, with less bushes cutting you, and the sides less steep than before, but still the journey is difficult. Still it is hard going, but somehow not as much as before. The day seems brighter, but only just.
Margaret, your description of your grief resonates with me do much. I’ve been trying to describe it for many years, and you have just done that. Thank you for sharing your emotions. It takes some serious personal inner work, reflection, and a deeper understanding of your more extraordinary life’s search, purpose, and meaning. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see. Do any of these metaphors resonate with you? If not, share yourmetaphor in the comments section below.
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When you don’t allow yourself to talk about your loss experience, you’re robbing yourself of the opportunity for healing. Holding on to your pain and sorrow is detrimental to your recovery and overall wellbeing. Sharing your story with others is therapeutic and a necessary part of the healing process. For Bereavement Counselling, you can be referred by your General Practitioner, a health professional or social worker, or you can refer yourself.
How we come out of our grief enables us to begin again with a renewed mind-body and spirit, feeling the purpose and the wonder of life itself. Anger is a very complex emotion. It presents itself physically, emotionally, and psychologically. We are taught about anger in our families of origin. Often it is an emotion that is tolerated or stifled to various degrees. As children, we model what we observe and are taught how to self-regulate anger. It might range from slight annoyance to rage. Anger is a reaction to pain, loss of control, or a perceived threat or injustice to our self or someone we care about. One’s reaction will differ based on the perception of the threat. Our reaction can frighten us as well as others. How may we feel and express anger? This morning I looked out my front door, and it dawned on me that my mother will never pull into my driveway again. We will never be able chat over coffee and a cigarette in her van. She will never attend any of my children’s milestones like birthdays or graduations. The grief washed over me like a tidal wave from the ocean. We all want to do something to mitigate the pain of loss or to turn grief into something positive, to find a silver lining in the clouds. But I believe there is real value in just standing there, being still, being sad.--- John Green I have read it many times, and it always resonates with me. In the early stages of my grief, it would make me sadder, sometimes angrier. After a few months I felt let down by it’s truth. As if God, or life, or even my own husband could’ve prevented this painful life sentence I now have to carry forever.
What is anger?
Though it can take a long time to overcome significant loss and grief, getting through it and surviving our grief by letting go is one of the healthy habits we can gain. Healing from the pain and sorrow of a significant loss takes time. You shouldn’t expect to get over your grief at any given point. You must work at healing from your grief by going through the natural grief process and allowing yourself the necessary time to process your emotions and heal from your loss. Accepting your new reality is challenging I love the old Groucho Marks quote, “ I wouldn’t want to belong to a club that would have me as a member,” but I like to rephrase that quote a bit for the good of my letting go process ,
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