Yorkshire Jokes

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Tha' meks a better door than window." – Please could you get out of the way of the television so I can finish watching Corrie, you careless lump? Later in the day, while he’s at the dinner, the guy sits at the table but doesn’t say a word. The girlfriend’s mother ask him to say grace. He prays, prays, and prays. After he’s finally done, his girlfriend tells him “I didn’t know you were so religious”. What is even worse than waking up after a party and finding a pen*s was drawn on your face? Finding out it was traced. Prepare to be amused, delighted, and downright entertained as we dive into the world of Yorkshire jokes that range from classic and time-tested quips to uproarious anecdotes that will have you in stitches. Lets start Yorkshire Puns Since you are here, we would like to share our vision for the future of travel - and the direction Culture Trip is moving in.

I can't do that!!!" exclaimed the Genie. "Don't you know that's impossible? No Genie could do that. It's too far, the water is too deep, it's just totally beyond anybody's power. You will have to make another wish." The policeman replies, "Didn't you realise that your right arm was torn off when the lorry hit you?" Fraser's retort .... "I had no choice, if I didn't do my duty...they'd sent me straight to the Odd Fellows Lodge eh ! " Be reight." – I'm so desperately sorry to hear of the awful time you're going through, but I have faith and hope that things will sort themselves out.Pardon me, Luv! Could I get you a ‘pint’ or a cuppa tea? I’d offer auld lang syne but I’m rubbish at singing.” A pot-holer decided one day to investigate some above ground caves. He came across a very narrow cave and went down it. When he reached the end he found a skeleton which had a sword in its hand. Turning a corner he passed through a doorway into a large cavern. He found this cavern contained a great many skeletons. Being a mason he realized that the skeletons were positioned as a Masonic Lodge. Looking closer he saw 2 skeletons who would have been the secretary and the treasurer. One of them has a piece of paper in his hand, He removed the paper and read Sammy sized him up. He wer right, of course, but more ner that, he wer twice t’size o’ Sammy. Cunning as ever Sammy lewked him straight in t’ eye an’ said, “Awreet, mister. But rahnd ‘ere we hev a way o’ settlin’ things wi’out goin’ to law. We use t’Three-Slap rule.” Near as makes n' matter." – Well, it's not quite a Yorkshire pudding of my mother's standard, but let's be real: All Yorkshire puddings are a thing of joy, so let's not quibble. Why did the Yorkshireman only watch TV on Christmas and New Year’s Eve? He was rationing his ‘box-ing’.”

Eeh I'll go t'foot of stairs!" – It's snowing in May? My goodness, I'm really quite surprised by this turn of events. I asked for a photo, but she said I should wait until tomorrow as she’s naked and doesn’t want to get dressed to go to the freezer in the basement this late at night. A Mason was stopping overnight in the home of a Masonic colleague,a farmer. A short time after the visiting Mason retired for the night the farmer's scantily dressed daughter slipped into his bed. The Mason shoved her out of his bed saying, "I am a Mason. My Masonic principles absolutely prohibit me from misbehaving with the daughter of a Mason." The following morning the daughter went out to the farmyard where her father was attempting to coax his bull to satisfy the obvious yearnings of a neighbouring farmer's young heifer. Yer brew's mashin'." – This exceedingly strong and exceptionally tasty cup of Yorkshire Tea will be with you shortly.Graeme, the old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, ‘Come on in and let me pour one for you! What’ll it be, gentlemen?’ Sit thissen dahn, tha's bin laikin all day." – Sit down, you've been out playing all day and frankly, that can be exhausting. Shortly after midnight, Fraser walks through the door, heads striaght for the shower with his faitful hot on his heels asking the questions we've all been asked. The following poem is, in fact, a traditional folk song which was written in 1929 and made famous by the actor Stanley Holloway [1890-1982] It is about the period before the Duke of Wellington's famous battle at Waterloo against Napoleon in 1815. Posh bloke says, That may be, but I can remember him playing out wearing neither trousers nor shoes.