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True Secrets of Lesbian Desire: Keeping Sex Alive in Long-Term Relationships

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Early studies [ 89, 90] highlighted that gay men seem to engage more frequently in erotic fantasies than heterosexuals, both during masturbation and partnered sexual activity. Gay men seem to be principally triggered by visual stimuli and oriented to body parts rather than real partners. An Italian study partially confirmed these premises, recognizing a central role to physical, emotional, and relational elements in the imagery [ 91]. Gay men reported more fantasies concerning exploratory (e.g., having an orgy), intimate (e.g., romantic scenes), and impersonal sexual activities (e.g., sex with strangers) than heterosexual men. No difference was found in paraphilic-related fantasies [ 92]. Boysen GA, Vogel DL, Madon S, Wester SR. Mental health stereotypes about gay men. Sex Roles. 2006;54:69–82. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11199-006-8870-0.

Lippa RA. The relation between sex drive and sexual attraction to men and women: a cross-national study of heterosexual, bisexual, and homosexual men and women. Arch Sex Behav. 2007;36(2):209–22. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-006-9146-z. Cohen JN, Byers ES. Beyond lesbian bed death: enhancing our understanding of the sexuality of sexual-minority women in relationships. J Sex Res. 2014;51(8):893–903. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2013.795924.

Born in Flames (1983)

Scott SB, Ritchie L, Knopp K, Rhoades GK, Markman HJ. Sexuality within female same-gender couples: definitions of sex, sexual frequency norms, and factors associated with sexual satisfaction. Arch Sex Behav. 2018;47(3):681–92. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-017-1077-3. Lemke R, Weber M. That man behind the curtain: investigating the sexual online dating behavior of men who have sex with men but hide their same-sex sexual attraction in offline surroundings. J Homosex. 2017;64(11):1561–82. https://doi.org/10.1080/00918369.2016.1249735. Ephelia’s poems to women are full of passion and her poem To the Honoured Eugenia, commanding me to Write to her even suggests a frisson of sadomasochism[114] as the author struggles to obey Eugenia: ‘Fair Excellence! Such strange Commands you lay/I neither dare Dispute, nor can Obey[115] and experiences a mixture of terror and delight: ‘Like to some awful Deity you sit/At once the Terror and Delight of wit.’[116] Ephelia’s poem To the most Excellent Princess Mary, Duchess of Richmond and Lenox is an example of a passionate poem to a woman where she also praises the Duchess above men: ‘More Fortitude’s in your Heroik mind/Than can be shown again by woman-kind.’[117] While many of Ephelia’s poems were written to flatter a particular woman, her poem Song has no dedication but is written about longing for an unnamed female character/persona? a woman, beginning with ‘Ah Phillis had you never lov’d/Your hate I could have born’[118] and ending with a description of the sadness she feels at her loss: ‘So have I seen a Rising Sun/Promise a Glorious Day/But soon o’re cast, its Brightness gone/Did to rough storms give way.’[119] In To Phylocles, inviting him to a friendship we find Ephelia desiring friendship with a man ‘We will forget the Difference of sex/Nor shall the World’s rude censure us Perplex/Think Me all man: my soul is Masculine, And Capable of as great things as thine.’[120] Ephelia, as we will see later in Behn’s work, appears to believe that gender is a role to be played and that rather than being simply defined as one sex, she believes she has a masculine part within her.

Rothblum ED. An overview of same-sex couples in relationships: a research area still at sea. In: Contemporary perspectives on lesbian, gay, and bisexual identities. New York: Springer; 2009. p. 113–39.Cherkasskaya E, Rosario M. The relational and bodily experiences theory of sexual desire in women. Arch Sex Behav. 2019;48(6):1659–81. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-018-1212-9.

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