The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did): THE #1 SUNDAY TIMES BESTSELLER

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Life bible incoming: Philippa Perry’s sage (and witty) advice will have you re-evaluating all the relationships in your life' STYLIST I particularly enjoyed the section on socialisation and the qualities children (and adults!) need to behave well, namely:

All behaviour is communication,” nods Perry. The whining child may simply be confused by change. When their daughter was little, Perry would take her swimming every week. One week, Grayson took Flo instead, and the experience was so different for the child in so many ways that, when he accidentally went to go up the wrong staircase, she just sat on the floor, and said: “No.” “We only figured out why because I’m a psychotherapist,” Perry adds. If I didn't know better I would say that this is Alain de Botton writing under a pseudonym. It has the same type of clear, calm prose dotted with references to the Western Canon. Styling by Jo Jones; hair and makeup by Juliana Sergot using skincare by Dermalogica & Bumble & Bumble; fashion assistant Sam Deaman; photographer’s assistant Gabor Herczegfalvi Many of us work hard at being seen to be doing the right thing – doing things for our CV rather than for satisfaction in the present. If we are in the position where we can choose what sort of work we are going to do, it is important that we like how we feel when we involve ourselves in the work. That, I think, is more significant than merely liking the idea of the work. It should be satisfying not merely because it looks good to you and others, but because it feels good, too. Stress: A little stress is good; too much stress is bad. Good stress comes with taking small risks, trying new things, which make new and deep neural pathways in the brain and boost creativity. This good stress is like healthy exercise for the brain.Many experiments have been done which illustrate that old people are generally more content than younger people. We are more content because as we begin to get closer to the end of our life, we don’t focus as much on the future as we do when we are young and have so much future ahead to think about. We live in the present and make the most out of every day, because we know those days are limited. This is a lesson for all of us, to live more in the present moment, rather than in what has already happened or has yet to happen. In The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and Your Children Will Be Glad that You Did), renowned psychotherapist Philippa Perry shows how strong and loving bonds are made with your children and how such attachments give a better chance of good mental health, in childhood and beyond.

We used to have a phrase in my psychotherapy training, which is: “If you have one foot in the past and one foot in the future, you’re pissing on the present.” Of course, one size doesn’t fit all. If we never did any planning at all, we wouldn’t be organised enough to go grocery shopping and we would never have anything in the fridge to eat. It’s good that we force ourselves to do homework with willpower when we are students, so that we can have a better lifestyle in the future. But I think it’s important to get out of the habit of always planning and worrying about the future and, instead, see that enjoying the present day can be a route to contentment. Jadi penyintas dari relasi toksik memaksaku untuk menjadi "chain breaker." Hidup dalam keadaan yang tidak sehat bukanlah sesuatu yang pernah aku bayangkan. Agar aku tidak mewariskan hal itu, maka aku harus belajar bagaimana berdamai/menyelesaikan "my childhood issue." Tidak perlu (menunggu) punya anak (sendiri). Kita bisa melakukannya sekarang. Mengaplikasikannya ke dalam diri sendiri & supaya relasi dengan orang terdekat (partner hidup, misal) menjadi lebih sehat + berkualitas.

To discover what it is we do desire, we must listen to both our head and our heart. There will be some finding out to do, living in the moment and asking ourselves how we feel about our experiences and allowing those feelings to be a guide, rather than what we think should make us happy. Finding fulfilment means working out a compromise between these two parts of you. And, remember, it is never too late to change direction.

How to be Sane written by Philippa Perry is a short, and surprisingly a good book to read. This book is a part of The School of Life series which takes a different approach to introduce self-help genre, in an intelligent way. Judulnya memang menarik. Kalau baca sinopsisnya, bisa ditaksir buku ini membahas tentang pengasuhan anak. Tapi kan aku nggak akan punya anak, why did I read this? Plato compares the soul to a chariot being pulled by two horses. The driver is Reason, one horse is Spirit, the horse is Appetite. This probably means paying as much attention to scheduling fun as we do to scheduling our work. As the great violinist and conductor Yehudi Menuhin said: “Anything that one wants to do really, and one loves doing, one must do every day. It should be as easy to the artist and as natural as flying is to a bird. And you can’t imagine a bird saying, ‘Well, I’m tired today, I’m not going to fly.’” I worry...about what might happen to our minds if most of the stories we hear are about greed, war and atrocity. For this reason I recommend not watching too much television. Research exists that shows that people who watch television for more than four hours a day believe that they are far more likely to be involved in a violent incident in the forthcoming week than do those who watch television for less than two hours per day.I found my mum’s work as a psychotherapist interesting, but again, I also saw the downsides: taking on everyone else’s pain and having people rely so much on you. I wanted
a job I didn’t have to take home, one that didn’t define my life.