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Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

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My favorite quote from the first chapter that really sets up (and summarizes) the book: “Real toughness is experiencing discomfort or distress, leaning in, paying attention, and creating space to take thoughtful action.

It stalls the jump from difficulty to complete despair, from fear and anxiety to full-blown freak out. Much of this was new to me, and the mix of stories and science gave it a good mix of applicability and accessibility while making a convincing argument. Understand who you are and your capacity, bravado won’t save you, be in the moment, learn to grind, root your effort in larger meaning.I found this book recommended amongst your usual strand of life improvement, self-help social media and podcasts.

For far too long, we’ve propped up an external version of toughness based on bluster and machismo while neglecting inner strength based on humility and equanimity.Unfortunately for the author, who clearly cannot be expected to look at examples from just outside his cultural landscape, the resilience part of the book was incredibly banal, at least in my part of the world. This book runs through a lot of topics around toughness and busts the myth of suppressing and ignoring negative emotions and tough situations. He has coached seven athletes to top Top-15 finishes at a World Championship, twelve athletes to births on the World Championship or Olympic teams, and guided more than twenty-five Olympic Trials Qualifiers.

Even in terms of discipline, the area that you would think a demanding style would be successful, it falls short. In this section he gives some concrete ways to change our self-talk to help us push through those mental barriers. Have high expectations so people have that necessary challenge for growth then offer support and nurture to help them get there. Compounding our confusion, we’ve resorted to tying toughness to masculinity and an ethos of machismo.But Magness then redefines toughness in this way, “Real toughness is experiencing discomfort, or distress, leaning in, paying attention and creating space to take thoughtful action. Steve received his undergraduate degree from the University of Houston and a graduate degree from George Mason University. Magness includes “toughness maxims” smattered throughout the book–short aphoristic-style phrases that pack a punch and resonate deeply.

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