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That's Not My Monkey: 1

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And while being a responsible, caring adult is great, attributing everyone’s problems and concerns to oneself is not healthy, and not realistic either.

Not My Circus, Not My Monkeys | Psychology Today Not My Circus, Not My Monkeys | Psychology Today

Yet, it’s a metaphor, which means it shouldn’t be taken literally, and is just another manner to describe a situation, or object. Sound familiar? Most mid- to senior-level managers have carried their fair share of monkeys —and the best of them know that the key to avoiding these problems is developing a culture of accountability — starting with yourself. Learn how monkeys jump: subordinate-imposed responsibilities Alignment level 1: Thoughts. What thoughts are driving the manager’s behavior? Are his or her ideas in alignment with the desired behavior? Examples of ineffective thoughts include “No one can do this as well as I can” and “It will take me longer to coach him to do this than to do it myself.” You can give them advice, but if they aren’t willing to listen, then they will have to bear the consequences of their actions, and not you. You aren’t the one that’s responsible for their misfortunes if they choose to ignore your good advice. Example of, “not my circus, not my monkeys in life”Alignment level 2: Moods. What emotions are driving the manager’s behavior? Are his or her feelings in alignment with the desired behavior? Examples of ineffective emotions include “I could lose respect or status if I delegate,” “I don’t trust my employees to do it right,” and “I need to please my employees.” It signifies that it has nothing to do with you, and that you don’t want to get affected in any way. [1] https://www.heartbeatinternational.org/not-my-circus-not-my-monkeys If you’re worried all the time about what other people are thinking or doing, you’re not going to find contentment and happiness in life. That’s why you need to learn and practice the ability to let go off the things that are unimportant and the stuff you can’t control. This means that while you should try to help your friends as well as you could, they’re still responsible for their own lives. This means that they’re accountable for their own happiness and successes, but also for their own failures and unhappiness.

Not my circus not my monkeys explained - Healthybodyathome Not my circus not my monkeys explained - Healthybodyathome

Like with everything in life, there are benefits, but also detrimental effects of applying this particular mindset. No matter how much of a responsible person you are, you can’t control everything in life. Likewise, it isn’t up to you to control and regulate everything going on in our society, either. When you’re not in control, or not higher up in the social hierarchy, then there’s not much you can do to control those around you except setting the right example and hoping that others follow your lead.Yes, it’s true that there is typically 1 unspoken leader, even if it isn’t explicitly spoken out loud. Yet, nobody likes being bossed around, even if the other person is right. Indeed, Stephen R. Covey, who wrote an afterword to the Harvard Business Review article, pointed out that the monkey management solution, while ahead of its time, is fairly dictatorial. “‘Command and control’ as a management philosophy is all but dead, and ’empowerment’ is the word of the day,” he noted. That doesn’t mean monkey management is outdated in today’s workplace, however. The key to success, says Covey, is developing employees. That, too, is hard work, however. First, it requires the support of the entire business culture so managers are rewarded for developing people and delegating responsibilities. Second, it requires that managers actually want to delegate monkeys. Most managers, says Covey, recognize that employees are underutilized; still, many can’t let go of the monkeys, perhaps because they subconsciously fear that giving employees power will increase their own vulnerability. Does that mean that I advocate for people to be carefree, take no responsibility, and make no attempts to change things for the better? No, not at all.

Not My Circus Not My Monkeys - Old Polish Proverb - Polish Not My Circus Not My Monkeys - Old Polish Proverb - Polish

Agree on a status update. Never accept ad-hoc status updates, as they could be monkeys in disguise. Instead, after transferring initiative, make another appointment, this one for your employee to provide you with a progress report. This sounds easier than it actually is. You probably know you can’t simply give monkeys to employees and expect them to go about their daily business. That’s because when you delegate responsibilities, you have to ensure that employees have the desire and ability to accept them — which isn’t always the case.Calling someone a monkey is typically deemed offensive. And thus, this way of saying can also have a negative connotation. The not my business not my monkey attitude is important to keep your sanity in the workplace if you’re just an employee and not the boss, since it’s not up to you to make sure everyone does their work. In accepting the monkey, the manager has voluntarily assumed a position subordinate to his subordinate.” —”Management Time: Who’s Got the Monkey?” transfer the monkeys – permanently In regard to our social circle, not my circus not my monkeys can stand for the fact that you’re all equals. A group of friends that act like a brand of brothers.

not my circus, not my monkeys - Wiktionary, the free dictionary not my circus, not my monkeys - Wiktionary, the free dictionary

Learn to say this is not my circus, these are not my monkeys in your daily life if others won’t take your good advice, or if you can’t do anything about the situation. Be it in your social life, or your professional life. Make appointments. Let your employees know that from this point forward, any problems will be discussed by appointment only. When employees drop by your office or stop you in the hallway to discuss problems, ask them to schedule a meeting. In doing so, you’ve avoided the monkeys, at least until the appointment takes place. Things are as they should be: Your employee is working for you.

But what I’m saying is that you have limited influence when you’re at the same level of the social hierarchy at work. This means that you have no power over your colleagues and thus, consequently, you can’t directly control how well they do their work. There are those of us who are burdened with a constant feeling of responsibility who have the impression that they need to carry the weight of the world on their shoulders, even if they don’t. The not my circus, not my problem attitude conveys that you don’t want to get involved into someone else’s drama and problems. What you can do is set a good example. Practice what you preach, and hope that the people around you are inspired by your perseverance and quality of work. They might just copy your work attitude as a result. Example of, “not my circus, not my monkeys in the social circle”

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