She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

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Throughout these stages, the sexual tension should build and culminate in a satiating orgasm for your partner. It’s best to use gentle, rhythmic tongue strokes throughout. Fair warning, what we’re about to get into is not safe for work. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t read it at home! As an author and a coach who has been helping women for more than a decade, I noticed some women were in trouble. Not just in their relationships, some had unfulfilling jobs, didn’t get paid what they were worth, had always dreamt of starting their own business but never did, felt lonely even though they had a husband and kids... the list goes on and on. So many women try to be the perfect girlfriends, wives, mothers, friends, sisters, colleagues, business owners, bosses, and more. They love to serve and want to succeed in the many roles they have to play. They are compliant, even to the people who don’t really deserve that kind of treatment. They give it all they have, every single day. Many fantasize about being with a woman who can orgasm over and over again. Most women do have the ability to experience multiple orgasms, but they need to receive the right clitoral stimulation to do so. The entire clitoris actually goes from the top of the pubic bone all the way to the anus, and has a head, shaft, and base, among other parts. Some of it’s areas you can’t even see! Everything together makes up 8,000 nerve endings, which is more than anywhere else on the female body.

So what can you do to achieve your goal of making a woman orgasm? Focus on what your tongue can do. The truth is, unless you want a baby, you don’t even have to include penetration to have great sex! If you’re familiar with ancient Greek plays, you’ll know that they’re structured into different dramatic acts. Similarly, the process of female arousal has a defined dramatic structure with a beginning, middle and an end. So, if you’re a heterosexual man, revolutionize the way you think about sex! The goal of it is not to have a sex with your partner, but to make her needs come first. While Kerner extended the amount of time the foreplay process lasts before sex, some experts now define foreplay as an ongoing process or cycle that continues throughout a relationship—it begins after the last orgasm, continues until the next one, and then starts again immediately after. This is because instead of conceptualizing foreplay as a set of arousing activities and behaviors that come before sex, as Kerner and many others do, they view foreplay as the mood you live in with your partner and an energy that runs through your relationship.Shortform note: Kerner says that foreplay—stimulating your partner before touching her clitoris—is fundamental for a sexual encounter because women require anticipation to become properly aroused. This is because whereas sex begins in the body for men, sex begins in the mind for women. This is due to the different levels of testosterone between men and women. Testosterone is the hormone that causes physiological desire and is typically much higher in men than in women. Consequently, women need more mental stimulation—what Kerner calls anticipation—than men to get sufficiently aroused.) Despite sex education in schools, there are still plenty of misconceptions about sex out there, especially when it comes to female sexuality. Just take the idea that penetration is essential for female sexual pleasure. In fact, if you want to give a woman multiple orgasms, you can forget about the, erm, ins and outs of penetration for a while. What you really need to learn is the art of cunnilingus. When you get this right, it prepares a woman’s body for sex. It releases chemicals, her skin gets more sensitive, and her breasts swell.

Coreplay comes next, and this is time to perform cunnilingus, which the author goes into more detail about in the book. This is the stage where everything swells as you stimulate the clitoris. It eventually comes to a climax in an orgasm.Shortform note: Kerner claims that since all orgasms come from the clitoris, you should focus on two different parts of the clitoral network to give your partner a stronger, two-front orgasm (called a blended orgasm). However, recent research disproves Kerner’s claim that all orgasms are clitoral, which suggests that there may be other ways to achieve blended orgasms. They elaborate that women can also orgasm from nipple stimulation because it sends signals to the same part of the brain that’s responsible for genital sensations. So instead of focusing solely on the clitoris, you may be able to achieve a blended orgasm through a combination of clitoral head and nipple stimulation.)