Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex: Because Good Guys Make the Best Lovers

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If you can exercise hard enough to work up a light sweat without triggering symptoms, you should be safe to have sex. Pelvic floor exercise for women: To identify the correct muscles, squeeze the ones you use to stop urine flow. Then sit or lie with knees slightly apart and slowly tighten these muscles as hard as you can. Hold for 10 seconds then relax. Repeat five times daily.

We share our tips which should make it easier to orgasm while receiving oral sex. They're all simple and easy to do, so you don't have to start taking up gymnastics in your spare time to achieve them! But I was still immersed in this very gendered way of seeing sex. Over the years, as I’ve listened more and done even more research, I knew that things had to change with The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex. After that, it took me a long time to start reading your blog posts and updates again. So many times, I thought I should reach out to you and ask why that terrible message is there, given everything you stand for… Now, I love listening to your podcasts, reading your articles and have shared so much with my husband as I have learned new things about myself and the destructive purity culture messages that permeated so much of my formative years. How having more sex can improve your health, mood and even your career Problem: We have sex less often When you’re trying to tell how aroused a sexual partner is, listen to their words, don’t assume based on what their body is doing,” Mourikis advises.Without pressing workloads or young children to worry about, many older adults have far more time to devote to pleasure and intimacy. Use your time to become more intimate. Esposito, K. et al. “Mediterranean Diet Improves Sexual Function in Women with Metabolic Syndrome,” International Journal of Impotence Research (2007) 19:486. And it’s really, really hard for sex to be good if you feel like your main identity is in being a virgin. As an older adult, you need to be just as careful as younger people when having sex with a new partner. You may not be able to get pregnant, but you're still susceptible to sexually transmitted diseases. Talk to your partner, and protect yourself. Communicate with your partner Once upon time in America, there were many, many grown ups approaching 50 and even more after 50, who were rapidly becoming the major age group in the land. In spite of this fact, these wonderful pioneers were still trying to hang onto the youngsters who they remembered themselves to be. They wanted to look younger, act younger, feel younger, and especially, have sex liked they did when they were younger. After all, everyone on TV and everywhere else said this was very, very good and certainly quite possible. And who doesn’t like being told you can have exactly what you think you want for as long as you want to have it? Such myths keep some sparkle in our lives and become the fairy dust of our hopes and dreams. How else can we live happily ever after?

Brotto, L.A. et al. “A Brief Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Behavioral Intervention Improves Sexual Functioning Vs. Wait-List Controls in Women Treated for Gynecologic Cancer,” Gynecologic Oncology (2012) 125:320. What happens is you teach your brain to notice how beautiful your body already is, which helps to immunize you against all the cultural messages that tell you your body is supposed to be different,” Nagoski says. Great sex is about exploring new things (a “yes, no, maybe” list can help) I thought originally it would just be swapping the gendered chapters for more on orgasm, but as I read through the book I found that I now talk differently about just about everything–mental load; communication; obligation. So I ended up rewriting pretty much the entire thing! Wear it in an elegant way that keeps some mystery for yourself and the beholder,’ advises designer Michelle Duncan, whose S/S ’22 collection included a hot-pink bralette worn with a matching double-breasted blazer. Whether you’re into Miu Miu’s micro proportions or the teeniest tummy glimpse, the only non-negotiable addition to your bralette/bandeau/bikini top is confidence. Perhaps most significantly, in February, the Department for Education unveiled fresh sex education guidelines, to include lessons on FGM and sexting.

Or it can be a side-effect of some prescription medication. So it’s important to muster the courage to see your GP. Sexuality necessarily takes on a broader definition as we age. Try to open up to the idea that sex can mean many things, and that closeness with a partner can be expressed in many ways. Martin, C.K. et al. “Effect of Calorie Restriction on Mood, Quality of Life, Sleep, and Sexual Function in Healthy Non-obese Adults: The CALERIE 2 Randomized Clinical Trial,” JAMA Internal Medicine (2016) 176:743. Sex can be a powerful emotional experience and a great tool for protecting or improving health, and it’s certainly not only for the young. The need for intimacy is ageless. And studies now confirm that no matter what your gender, you can enjoy sex for as long as you wish. Naturally, sex at 70 or 80 may not be like it is at 20 or 30—but in some ways, it can be better. Anyway, just wanted to say how much I appreciate everything you do. (The Great Sex Rescue was also incredible.) Can’t wait to read the new edition of “The Good Girl’s Guide.” Reply

Dr Laurie Betito, clinical psychologist, sex therapist and author of The Sex Bible For People Over 50 4. Be mindful Do you want to try new sexual experiences with your partner, but don’t know how to tell them? Maybe you’re afraid they’ll judge you, or it’s just too awkward. If that’s the case, Persimmon recommends this “ Yes, No, Maybe” list.

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For creatures so famously consumed by thoughts of sex, men remain remarkably confused about what great sex is and how to have it. We’re shadowed by self-doubt, and clouded by myths and misperceptions. It’s not just about our mind-set. We men could also work on our mechanics. Mentally and physically, we’re hampered, hindered. We’re impeded on our path to greater sexual pleasure.

When men do talk, they often puff themselves up to their peers. Less apt than women to discuss their insecurities and more inclined to exaggerate their exploits, men paint distorted pictures of their sex lives for one another. Oral sex is often lauded as the cherry on top of the orgasmic cake for both parties involved: an act of vulnerability and utter release. But for some women? It's simply not that enjoyable, especially when receiving oral inspires thoughts about hygiene down there.

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If any health issues come up for either partner, why not embark on a diet and fitness plan together? Teaming up like this and spending more time together will have the benefit of increasing intimacy and lifting mood. Be honest. Honesty fosters trust and relaxes both partners—and can be very attractive. Let your partner know how you are feeling and what you hope for in a sex life. From sex tips that will help you reach orgasm where you might usually struggle, to clever techniques that can help you use sex to really reconnect, to everything a sex therapist wants you to know, we've got sex covered (or uncovered).