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Hold on to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers

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They can send the child to a student hostel if they got tired of him, but the kid can't make them leave, when they become insultive. But he wanted to be with her and she liked the idea of eating out, so once a week they went for dinner.

He has a widespread reputation for being able to make sense of difficult and complex problems and for opening doors for change. In the last few generations there has been a huge shift in that kids now look more to their peers for this information rather than adults. this creates an environment where parents have influence to help their kids find emotional connection and maturity. If emotional stability, and safe, warm, peaceful connection were given to these kids by their parents, they wouldn't spend their life despairingly chasing it elsewhere - howsoever the technology improves or cultural habits disappear. Authors Neufeld and Maté describe the “flatlining of culture” or the disappearance of the past, and just a focus on the current or present trends, language, and ideas in our youth today.But this book also explains so much of what can often refer to as ‘the world is a different place now’, ‘kids these days’, ‘things are so different now’, ‘they grow up so fast’, ‘the new normal’. I think anyone could read it and gain an incredible understanding on the people we interact with every day. However (and a big however) I felt like the tone of this book casts judgement and fear on parents/caregivers.

But as the author says, anyone reading the book probably grew up that way and so we don't even realize it's a problem. But this situation is far from natural, and it can be dangerous—it undermines family cohesion, interferes with healthy development, and fosters a hostile and sexualized youth culture. Unconditional parental love is the indispensable nutrient for the child's healthy emotional growth" (118). Hold On to Your Kids was selected by a parent at my child's school as the focus of a parent book club. Immature children do not understand why these emergent, maturing others are trying so hard to get along, why they seek solitude sometimes instead of company, why they can be curious and interested about things that don’t involve others, why they ask questions in class.No matter what problem or issue we face in parenting, our relationship with our children should be the highest priority.

Seeing how it seemed to have an impact on her and respecting her as a seriously amazing mom, I decided to pick it up. So much good there about the pseudo intimacy of the very peer-oriented social worlds online, how/why to protect kids from them, etc.Anyway, all in all, the author is not saying friends are bad, just that there should be adults around, and ideally you would be involved with your children and their friends and their families.

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