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The KLF: Chaos, Magic and the Band who Burned a Million Pounds

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So make sure you find a title that can be used as the opening line in your chorus and that the chorus is no longer than eight bars. Take it easy over the weekend. Start fantasising about videos and Top of the Pops performances, things you will say in interviews and what your old teachers would think if they knew you had got a Number One. A record player (the crappier the better as long as it actually works). Mass appeal records can always transcend any apparatus they are played on; the exp ensive set up is only for judging coffee table records. Spend Monday evening around at some mate’s house. See if he has any records worth borrowing. More importantly, tell him what you are up to and see if he has any great ideas worth using. It is a little known fact but when it comes to creative ideas the majority of people are creative geniuses. Your mate is bound to be one of them. It’s just that all these folks never dare to translate their creative brilliance into reality. We guess a couple of libraries could be filled with the reasons why they never attempt it. Something to do with mother and when she first said, “No!”

CANCELLATION TIME. This is when a client has cancelled studio time at the very last minute and the studio is desperate to sell it off. The Manual (How to Have a Number One the Easy Way) is a 1988 book by "The Timelords" ( Jimmy Cauty and Bill Drummond), better known as The KLF. It is a step-by-step guide to achieving a No.1 single with no money or musical skills, and a case study of the duo's UK novelty pop No.1 " Doctorin' the Tardis". On arriving at the studio introduce yourself to the studio manager, find out where the kitchen is and put on the kettle. A day’s work in the studio cannot start without first having a cup of tea. It’s going to be a monster!” somebody will say. It could be you, but whoever said it, you know they are speaking the truth. A week ago there was nothing: just you, the dole and the rent in the arrears – and now this. If you already have an account with a bank make the appointment with the manger or his assistant. If not, get into any branch (the nearest to where you live will do as long as it’s one of the big five). Open a current account and make that appointment. Do this on Monday afternoon while you’re out and about. The appointment should be for some time that week. Just tell them you are setting up a small, independent record label – no big plans yet, just aiming to put out the one single and see how it goes. Tell him there will be a couple of times when you will have to issue cheques before others have come in. No big stuff. You will let him know beforehand. The most important thing is to get a rapport going with him; attempt to keep him in touch with what is happening over the next few weeks.Basically, have a good time Friday night, Saturday and Sunday because the following week is going to feel like the most dreadful few days in your life. You are going to wish you had never seen this manual and rue the day you ever thought you could ever put it into practice. At times suicide will seem like the only way out. Years of financial disaster will stretch out ahead. The debtors’ gaol your only home. Paterson, Colin (23 August 2017). "The KLF return 23 years after bowing out of the music industry" (video). BBC News . Retrieved 27 February 2020. Thursday evening. A cosy mild depression will settle in. Watch Top of the Pops. Read a music paper. Then let Friday roll by at its own speed. The advice dispensed by The Manual includes: "Firstly, you must be skint and on the dole. Anybody with a proper job or tied up with full time education will not have the time to devote to see it through... Being on the dole gives you a clearer perspective on how much of society is run... having no money sharpens the wits. Forces you never to make the wrong decision. There is no safety net to catch you when you fall." and "If you are already a musician stop playing your instrument. Even better, sell the junk." The book also foretells its own imminent irrelevance, The Timelords admitting that they are writing "a book that will be completely redundant within twelve months. An obsolete artefact. Its only use being a bit of a social history that records the aspirations of a certain strata [ sic] in British society in the late eighties..."

Of course there is a place for the major record company in the future as there is still a place for brass bands, large national orchestras and Andrew Lloyd Webber musicals. The precise function the major record companies will play in the music business as we turn the corner into the 21 st century is something we are not going to bother guessing at. One thing they and we suppose all major international companies are good at is moving the goal posts; probably because they owned them in the first place. The KLF, Das Handbuch, Der schnelle Weg zum Nr. 1 Hit, 2 audio CDs read by Bela B. Universal Music, 2003. ISBN 3-8291-1352-8. Once you have got through your list of studios in your local(ish) area go and put the kettle on, take a leak and make yourself a cup of tea (coffee if you have to) as the next move you have to make has no simple ABC answer. A quality singer might sell platinum albums and go on to have an incredibly successful long term career but the sound of their voice would have never got their debut single to Number One. Benny Hill had more of a chance getting to Number One with “Ernie” than Aretha Franklin ever has. This above paragraph is not an attempt at obvious irony, it is for real. If you can’t find that angle then I am afraid you have wasted your money in buying this manual.a b Beaumont, Mark (23 August 2017). "The KLF return: all of the rules of their bizarre book 'signing' ". New Musical Express. All the 7″ singles in your house that ever made the Top 5. (If there are any other records you want to add to the pile make sure there is a very good reason why they should be there and make sure they were never released as indie records or had any punky associations.) Trendell, Andrew (5 January 2017). "The KLF respond to reunion rumours with mysterious messages". New Musical Express . Retrieved 25 February 2020. Thorpe is described as the winner of the first ever 'Kareovision Kristmas Song Kontest', which is a competition for over-65s who are also residents in KLF Kare homes. In the plot of The KLF's 2017 book 2023: A Trilogy, the same song becomes the Christmas number one for 2023. Zager and Evans in their staggering “In The Year 2525″, a Number One in 1969, took the unprecedented decision of moving their song up a key for every new verse. This added to the stunning qualities of the record. Something that today’s 7″ single buyers could not handle.

Don’t worry about being accused of being a thief. Even if you were to, you have not got the time to take the trial and error route. However efficient and organised these service industries became, they could only do so much with the spotty and marginal. But it was only a matter of time before something came along from within the indie scene that was neither “spotty” nor “marginal” and had definite mass appeal. That record was “Pump Up The Volume” by MARRS. It was a turning point. That record not only became Number One in the UK it became an international smash. Ray, Josh (30 August 2017). "Welcome To The Dark Ages: The JAMs Return". Super Weird Substance . Retrieved 26 February 2020. The different styles in modern club records are usually clustered around certain BPM’s: 120 is the classic BPM for House music and its various variants, although it is beginning to creep up. Hi NRG is always above 125 but very rarely has it reached the dizzy heights of 140 BPM’s. Rap records traditionally vary between 90 and 110, but in an attempt to stay with the current (Summer 88) domination of House, are speeding up. In doing this rap has lost some of its slow, mean and cool strut feel. LL Cool J or Rakim would never be seen dead trying to rap at 120 BPM but those whose commercial instincts are more important than their home boy cool may attempt it to keep their hit single profile high. The classic oldy, while fulfilling all the Golden Rules in pop, might have a lyrical content that may only ever relate to one period in pop history. There have been numerous past Number One’s where this has been the case:In parts of this manual we will patronise you. In others we will cheat you. We will lie to you but we will lie to ourselves as well. You will, however, see through our lies and grasp the shining truth within. We will trap ourselves in our own pretensions. Our insights will be shot through with distort rays and we will revel in our own inconsistencies. If parts get too boring just fast forward – all the way to the end if need be. Dave Stewart and Barbara Gaskin “It’s My Party” Roxy Music “Jealous Guy” Soft Cell “Tainted Love” Paul Young “Wherever I Lay My Hat” Captain Sensible “Happy Talk” Neil “Hole In My Shoe” Tiffany “I Think We’re Alone Now” Wet Wet Wet “With A Little Help” Yazz “The Only Way Is Up” Reid, Jim (25 September 1994). "Money to burn". The Observer. Archived (via the Library of Mu) on 16 September 2016. Wikipedia:WikiProject The KLF/LibraryOfMu/387 This article is a first-hand account by freelance journalist Jim Reid, the only independent witness to the burning.

REGULAR CUSTOMER RATE. Not applicable to you but just for reference. By the time you use the same studio for the third time you should be trying to pull this one. There were their sceptre-wielding performances on Top of the Pops, and their appearance at the 1992 Brit awards with the band Extreme Noise Terror, where they fired blanks from machine guns into the crowd, then dumped a dead sheep on the red carpet, adorned with the message: “I died for you.” They subsequently buried their Brit award at Stonehenge. The White Room - Information Sheet Eight". KLF Communications. August 1990. Archived (via the Library of Mu) on 5 October 2007. Wikipedia:WikiProject The KLF/LibraryOfMu/508The groove might already have a killer bass line in there, making the whole thing happen and to remove it and exchange it for another might destroy what you have already got. There are plenty of monster bass lines out there to try. You will know them, they are the ones that you can almost hum. The great thing about bass lines is that they are in public domain. Nobody, even if they do recognise it, will seriously accuse you of ripping somebody else’s bass line off. Appointments with Radio One producers where he is able to get them to listen to your record under the most favourable light. Unless there is a revival of the zeitgeist of times past where the lyric in some way makes sense again, these songs should be stayed well clear of. Some groove merchants have a talent for getting it all their own way by coming up with a bass riff that never shifts from the beginning of the song until the end: intro, choruses, verses, breakdowns, outro all fitting around the same bass riff. For a song to sound like this and work away from the confines of the dance floor, it is going to have to be a real mutha of a riff. There must be some pretty insistent action going on on top of it to keep the casual radio listener interested. Even on “Billy Jean” they moved off the bass riff for the chorus.

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