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Surrounded by Narcissists: Or, How to Stop Other People's Egos Ruining Your Life

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First, I’ll give you information about the book, give you a synopsis, provide key takeaways, and then conclude. Book Information I loved that there was also a basic test to answer “am I a narcissist?” Although of course he encourages that this must be officially diagnosed by a professional. And finally, there are blues. Blues are fact-focused introverts. They’re thoughtful and conscientious, but they also have a weakness – a fear of public humiliation.

The language, as always with this author, is friendly and non-scientific. Unlike in other books by Thomas Erikson, DISC is not the main point, although concepts still get repeated plenty of times. How to free yourself from the tyranny of narcissists and everyday narcissism, from the multi-million-copy bestselling author of Surrounded by Idiots Outstanding . . . Erikson impresses with his trademark facility for making research-based discussions accessible and entertaining, and readers will appreciate the insightful guidance. This is another home run from Erikson.' Publishers Weekly Also, keep in mind that the boundary conversation only really works with partners, friends, and family. If you have a narcissistic boss, for example, it’s hard to dictate the terms of the relationship.We don’t just “get over” being raised by a narcissist. It takes strong therapeutic support to “peel the onion” and heal the wounds -- to have the courage to look at the specific brand of narcissism you experienced (it’s different in every family), how this has impacted you and the way you operate, and learn new behaviors that will allow you to heal the child within and become the adult you long to be. Are you overshadowed by the narcissists in your life? Are you worn out by their constant demands for attention, their absolute belief they are right (even when clearly they are not), their determination to do what they want (regardless of impact), and their baffling need to control everyone and everything around them? There’s much to say about the damaging effects of narcissism, but I’d like to focus today on how it effects us in our careers.

Finally, they feel used and beaten up by their work, by their bosses and their colleagues, and can’t understand why their careers are so challenged and difficult.

He doesn't present any FACTS. It's purely conjecture. Even his "examples" of narcissistic behavior are based entirely on a fictional character that he created. This is a book that should be read by most teenagers. How to spot a Narcissist. We all have them in our lives, in the form of a partner, husband, wife, parent, in-law, in-law to be, family or friend and finally a colleague or boss. Explain that you expect the relationship to improve, now that you’ve set these boundaries: I think I’ve made my feelings clear, so things should get better, right?

I am writing this review awhile after I read the book. It is hard enough to give a critical review, but since this book is about psychology; I had to process my feelings about it. And my biggest feeling is that while there were some helpful and interesting parts to this book, it is more harmful than anything. But let’s start with the “good”. So...he berated kids for wanting to become social media influencers and then told them to become like Kim Kardashian...who didn't do anything to achieve her success besides being a social media influencer. I'm going cross-eyed from trying to wrap my head around this nonsense. And try not to feel bad about cutting a narcissist out of your life. You have the right to protect your emotional well-being.In the last third it focuses on parenting and again, these are all the authors opinions who is not a trained professional on parenting. While there is certainly room to critique parents, the author makes a lot of generalizations that group those who follow a more conscious parenting approach, in with a small percentage of parents who may be making choices that don’t enforce boundaries. By not defining the difference between any parenting modalities or citing anything other than anecdotal research, he ends up implying that anything less than an authoritarian style could result in raising a narcissist., despite the mountain of research that shows the benefits of a more emotional intelligence parenting approach. The author makes no distinction, which makes me think they either aren’t familiar with different parenting techniques and the research behind them or doesn’t think they are valid. Regardless, this book is presented as an expert view point but the author has no credentials in the field of family psychology. And there’s a twist. After the study, the participants were told that the interview had been made up. The foreign student wasn’t real – and neither were his negative comments about the US. But despite this, some of the participants were still agitated. The truth didn’t seem to matter to them. Pop psychology is going to keep beating this dead horse about how social media harms us, even though there really is not enough evidence to support any of it. And truly when he gets into this section of his book, there is nothing evidence based on it. Or, if you’re a sensitive green, you might react differently when talking to the narcissist. Instead of losing your temper, maybe you get nervous and tongue-tied. And they respond with, Ugh, talking to you is impossible. It’s like you’re too scared to have a proper conversation.

Part II dives deeper into how narcissistic people drain resources and cause damage to unsuspecting people. For example, the book uses the DISC (Dominance, Influence, Steadiness, and Conscientiousness) model of behavior to describe personalities. He also blames parents for letting their children wear shirts that said spoiled or letting their daughters think they are princesses. Why do I want this harmfulness? Because there are little girls, queer kids and BIPOC need to be told they are special. Because people keep complaining about selfie culture as if the upper class did not have things like “portrait culture”. There have always been “selfies” but now the working classes can do it and feel special too. But, of course, that would rub self-help authors the wrong way. What if people did not feel bad about themselves? Fewer book sales. No, I don’t think Thomas Erikson has bad intentions, but he does not seem to have the expertise for the subject. Therefore, this book appears opportunistic, to cash in on the current obsession with narcissism. So he's stroking his own ego. "I know SO much about this topic! But let's move on to the next subject, shall we?" As you reflect on the egocentric people you know, you might be wondering, Are narcissists really that bad? They’re annoying – but it’s not like they’re violent psychopaths. They’re not dangerous . . . right? Maybe you feel bad about this aspect of your personality. You don’t like how easily you’re triggered. But notice what the narcissist has just done – they’ve shifted the focus of the conversation.Now, you may be wondering why all this matters. And what does it have to do with handling narcissists? Well, different colors tend to react differently when faced with narcissistic behavior. Thomas Erikson, the author of Surrounded by Narcissists, wants to help us to avoid becoming victims.

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