How To Talk So Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2-7

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When your kid does something wrong, instead of getting mad or punishing, ask the kid what to do to fix it (102-103). The problem is that kids often enjoy the fixing as well as the destruction/mess. So there is no incentive for them to not cause the destruction/mess in the future.

Chapter 3 Tools for Resolving Conflict … Avoiding Combat on the Home Front-Replacing punishment with more peaceful, effective solutions 85 How To Talk So Kids Will Listen 4-week live online workshop, for parents of kids ages 5 to 12+ (led by Julie King)Appreciate their work and effort, not their traits. This shows kids evidence of their own talents and lets them draw their own conclusions about what they might do with those talents. Otherwise, you’re confining them by telling them who and what they are. Even a two-year-old can learn “please.” Expect your child to be polite. Children shouldn’t feel manners are optional. Speak to your children the way you want them to speak to you. 14. Speak Psychologically Correct It is kind of stunning how much our kids really do want to emulate us. And how much they focus on our overall strategy. It’s a tired old phrase but true: children will do as you do, not as you say.” The #1 New York Times best-selling guide to reducing hostility and generating goodwill between siblings.

Like most other discipline books, this one says no to time outs. Parents can put themselves in time out (122), or sit in time out with their child with the parent’s arm around the child comfortingly (123). The latter rewards the child’s bad behavior with love and attention from the parent. A major part of discipline is learning how to talk to kids so they will listen. The way you talk to your child teaches him how to talk to others. Here are some talking tips we have learned with our children: 1. Connect Before You DirectShow your child how to make amends. ‘Your sister got scared when she was pushed. Let’s do something to make her feel better’” (93).

This book is not about training or teaching your children, rather simply how to motivate them. I think that should preface the book, however it does not. I fear that some people may use this as an end all be all for their parenting, and I think that would be a very incomplete view of parenting. Give the child choices between two pleasant things that you are okay with, both of which have the end result of you getting what you want (53-57). This one worked for me. The authors are not pretending to give you a 100% working examples, since all kids are different this would be impossible, but rather many-many good techniques and advises. Documenting considerations, writing things down is sometimes viewed as a liability. In reality, writing things down will help shift your mind off of the consideration and make space for other matters. In negotiations, repeating what your counterparty has just said is a powerful mirroring technique. With a child, writing considerations down = problem solving and it works to calm them.This helpful gem of a book guides parents and other caregivers to tune in to the internal worlds of young children to allow their minds to be seen and respected. With practical suggestions and useful illustrations, the authors clearly convey these important steps to guiding our children's development. Cultivating such mindsight for our youth is essential to creating a kinder and more resilient next generation."— Daniel J. Siegel, M.D. Author, Mind: A Journey to the Heart of Being Human and Executive Director, Mindsight Institute I also liked how the author points out that children are human and are often given commands all day long. The flesh does not like to be commanded all the time, and although I believe children need to learn to obey a parent’s commands, sometimes being playful can make giving a command much more fun. Contrived consequences like time-outs and grounding can modify behavior in the short term, but they don’t teach a kid much because you don’t get any buy-in from the kid. It’s a top-down system that demoralizes when what you really want is to enlighten and instruct. Tell your kids how you’re feeling. Examples: “I worry that you’ll get hurt,” “I get upset when kids hit each other,” “I don’t like it when...” (69-71). Try not to blame while saying it; avoid saying “you” and strong words like “furious.” I tried it: “I feel sad when kids don’t finish their food.” FAIL. Kid made excuses. Tried it another time: “I worry that you’ll step in poop when running through the grass on your hands and knees.” Kid replied, “I’m not going to step in poop!” FAIL.

Give kids information so they’ll know consequences, but do it in a kind, non-threatening manner (61).It is usually a dangerous thing to compare someone unfavourably in the work place. Avoid it if you can.