Heathers the Musical

Product Information

Critics have argued that Heathers the TV show has mistakenly conflated diversity and positive representation.

Meanwhile, a young Brad Pitt auditioned for JD but was judged to be “too nice” for the role. Heather Graham was offered the part of Heather Chandler, but her parents didn’t approve of the script. answering his own question. He rows as he speaks. The Brady Bunch sputters on the T.V. screen before him. HEATHER CHANDLER – (17) The richest, hottest, cruelest girl in town. Relishes power and wields it without fear, patience, or mercy. Voice: strong belt to F or higher preferred. Mezzo for chorus. NOTE: In certain choral songs, CHANDLER can switch parts with the other HEATHERS as needed.

BOY 1: BELEAGUERED GEEK – (16-18) An embittered social outcast. Voice: baritone (up to F#) or tenor (up to A). The Me Inside of Me” – Veronica, JD, Chandler, Officer Milner, Officer McCord, Mrs. Fleming, Students & Teachers there’s a river of pressure that keeps building up and it really hurts! I mean, it’s science, y’know?

If you have obtained performance lights to this title, please refer to your licensing agreement for important billing and credit requirements. Bill, Company: B ut now I've learned to love… Bill: I love my dead gay son! Company: H e loves his son. He loves his son. His dead gay son! Paul tries to leave and Bill follows him. Bill: N ow, I say my boy's in heaven, And he's tanning by the pool! The cherubim walk with him and him, And Jesus says “It's cool!”. They don't have crime or hatred, there's no bigotry or cursin', Just friendly fellows dressed up like their favorite village person! They were not dirty! Company: N o, no! Bill: T hey just had flair! Company: W hoa, oh! Bill: T hey were two bright red ribbons in the Lord's long hair! Well, I used to see a homo and go reachin' for my gun, Bill, Company: B ut now I've learned to love... Paul tries to leave again. Bill: A nd furthermore! These boys were brave as hell! These boys, they know damn well! Those folks would judge 'em, they were desperate to be free! They took a rebel stance, stripped to their underpants! Paul, I can't believe that you, Still refuse to get a clue! After all that we've been through, I'm talking you and me! The company gasps collectively. Bill: In the summer of '83! The company gasps again. HEATHER DUKE - 17. Whipping-girl of the 3 Heathers. When she finally becomes Queen Bee, she wields power like a bulldozer. GIRL 1: NEW WAVE GIRL – (16-18) She wants her MTV and dresses accordingly. Voice: belt to at least C# (a soprano up to high A/B is also a plus). Shut up, Heather! Sorry, Heather. JD enters. Heather Chandler is gone… It’s up to me to replace her. Replace Heather Chandler? Please. You need to worry less about me, and more about your reputation. Kurt and Ram have been telling the whole school about your little threeway last night. Threeway? Oh… But there was no threeway, nothing happened. I remember differently. I seem to remember there was a­ Kurt, Ram, and another student enter. Kurt, Ram: Big swordfight in her mouth! Boy 1: And she allowed it? Kurt, Ram: Big swordfight in her mouth! Heather D, Heather M: I t sure sounds crowded! And then we both went south, And planted our flags, My big salami, Kurt, Ram: Ba­bent her over like origami! More students enter. Students: W hoa­oh­oh! Whoa­oh­oh! Whoa­oh­oh! Whoa­oh­oh! Everybody was sword fighting, In her mouth! Yes, we're convinced it, Went down right in her mouth!I can't believe you actually came. It's exciting, right? Oh, excuse me, I want to say hello to Ram. I brought sparkling cider! Showing up here took some guts, Time to rip them out. Heather D holds up the pig piñata. Well, who's this pig remind you of? Especially the snout. Ha! Heather: D ang, dang, diggity­dang­a­dang! Dang, dang, diggity­dang­a­dang! The Heathers exit with the piñata. Martha approaches Ram. Where the hell are those freshman? Hi, Ram. Uh, I wasn't gonna come, but since you took the time to write that sweet note... Ram grabs the sparking cider from Martha. What note? Why do you gotta be so weird all the time? People wouldn't hate you so much if you acted normal. He chugs the cider, but spits it out almost immediately. There's no alcohol in here! Are you trying to poison me? Students: D ang, dang, diggity­dang­a­dang! Dang, dang, diggity­dang­a­dang! Dang, dang, diggity­dang­a­dang! Diggity­dang­a­dang! The folks are gone, It's time for big fun! Big fun! We're up till dawn, Having some big fun! Big fun! So let the speakers blow, They'll buy another stereo. Our folks got no clue, 'Bout all the shit their children do. Why are they surprised, Whenever we're unsupervised? This is an excellent forgery. Who are you? Uh, Veronica. Sawyer. I, um­ I crave a boon. What boon? Um, let me sit at your table at lunch, just once. No talking necessary. If people think that you guys tolerate me, then they’ll leave me alone. The Heathers laugh. Before you answer, I also do report cards, permission slips, and absence notes. How about prescriptions? Shut up, Heather! Sorry, Heather. For a greasy little nobody, you do have good bone structure. And a symmetrical face. If I took a meat cleaver down the center of your skull, I’d have matching halves. That’s very important. Of course, you could stand to lose a few pounds. And, you know, you know, you know, This could be beautiful. Mascara, maybe some lip gloss, And we’re on our way. Get this girl some blush, And, Heather, I need your brush. Let’s make her beautiful. Let’s make her beautiful. Let’s make her beautiful. Make her beautiful! Okay? Okay! The Heathers and Veronica exit. Out of my way, geek. YOUNG REPUBLICANETTE (GIRL 3) - A tennis-playing, uptight Student Council type. Voice: Belt to at least C# (Soprano up to high A/B is also a plus).

and they're gonna think 'there's a school that self-destructed not because society doesn't care but Voice: Tenor, strong belt to Ab or A, some Falsetto. Note: In certain songs Ram and Kurt can switch choral assignment if, say, Ram sings higher than Kurt. MS. FLEMING/VERONICA'S MOM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Michelle Duffy KURT'S DAD/VERONICA'S DAD/PRINCIPAL GOWAN .... We're not special. We're not different. We don't choose who lives or dies. Let's be normal. See bad movies, Sneak a beer and watch TV. We'll bake brownies, Or go bowling, Don't you want a life with me? Can't we be seventeen? That's all I want to do. If you could let me in, I could be good with you. People hurt us, Or they vanish. And you're right, it really blows. But we let go, Take a deep breath, And go buy some summer clothes. We'll go camping, Play some poker, And we'll eat some chili fries. JD turns and looks at Veronica, who holds out a hand to him. Maybe prom night? Maybe dancing? Don't stop looking in my eyes. Your eyes. JD starts walking towards Veronica. JD, Veronica: C an't we be seventeen? Is that so hard to do? If you could let me in, I could be good with you. JD takes Veronica's hand.

Writers

RAM'S DAD - Former football player turned suburban Dad, has never outgrown his glory days in high school. Hates weakness, but capable of soul-searching when tragedy strikes. KURT’S DAD - Straight-laced, very conservative, also former football player. A simple guy, not book smart, you’d be happy to share a beer with him. The Me Inside of Me” – Veronica, JD, Chandler, Officer Milner, Officer McCord, Mrs. Fleming, Students, Teachers, etc. The creative team behind Heathers the Musical have announced a brand new song has been written into the show ahead of it’s West End debut at the Theatre Royal Haymarket, along with multiple re-workings to the script.